I first saw you, head bent, eyes down, pencil askew.
Air-mail paper scattered with the swirls of words as your fingers clicked against the table,
and I wondered what those instruments of power
Would compose of.
Soft jingle of the chimes herald my arrival
And I saw you then, with wings on your eyelash
Pixie dust atop your two dollar pen
Languid sterling that captured me whole,
The right corner of your chapped lips curved,
‘Would you like a cuppa?’
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
First of, you were inspired by tea? Isn't is just downright crazy how, as writers, we are inspired by some of the strangest uses sometimes? Bur we use those strange muses to make marvelous pieces. And that's exactly what this is. Marvelous. I love the aura of this poem. It's very thoughtful but at the same time it's almost magical with the way you write. The imagery you used to give life and characterization to this. The only thing I would change is the arrangement of the line:
"Air-mail paper scattered with the swirls of words as your fingers clicked against the table"
If I were you, and I'm not so feel free to ignore this petty fix, I would add a new line after "words" Thus making it:
"Air-mail paper scattered with the swirls of words,
As your fingers clicked against the table"
I'm simply saying that this would improve the flow of your poem. By no means though is this poem any less spectacular without that change. I have not gotten a chance to read some of your other work, but I do believe I will now after reading such a wonderful piece. This poem is wonderful and I do expect that the rest will be too.
Happy writing and good luck,
-BockedWriter21
Fabulous job! That's just down right funny! The details were well employed and I really enjoyed the brief, but fulfilling read. The only part that appeared in need of correction was the line "Would compose of." This may just be a personal, individual opinion, but I believe that the word order makes the line sound a little funny (not in the humorous fashion, but rather as an oddity). Perhaps removing the word "of" would help, but this is again only my humble opinion, so feel free to simply ignore it! =) Thanks for the nice read!
This is so cute and poetic! Keep up the good work!!