Is to be a cold night
Of frost and flame bursting up
So wrap your scarf on tight
And hold on for the ride
While the skeleton dances
Let us watch the chances
Of the bones crackling
Shattering into smoke
It arches across the darken sky
Marring the sky like a pocket of rye
Burning a trail of frost and flame
While the skeleton cracks and maims
Is to be a cold night
Of frost and flame bursting up
So wrap your scarf on tight
And hold on for the ride
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Huzzah! A nice slightly random poem!
I have a couple of small criticisms, but nothing to important.
Firstly, I do not understand the line "Marring the sky like a pocket of rye." How do pockets of rhy mar sky? I've thought so hard I've stroked my chin to a point. ..
Secondly I acknowledge the total lack of punctuation is deliberate, however, like so many poems before you, I believe it could be improved with a final full stop, to add finality.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thank you!
hey there Laure!
i really enjoyed reading this work. i love the description you used.
my favorite lines were
"While the skeleton dances
Let us watch the chances
Of the bones crackling
Shattering into smoke"
i felt like i could really watch this happening.
maybe adding some punctuation would be nice, commas and such. a period at the end.
also, the rhyme scheme confused me, some worked some didnt, what was supposed to?
keep writing!
--Cam
Very festive
I like it