Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
You think you know me?
You know nothing about me,
and you have no right to say such things.
I'm not a whore,
I'm not a fake,
I'm as real as real an be.
You think that you know me?
Here's the sad thing,
You don't.
And, Jesus as my witness,
God willing, bitch,
you never will.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I have a couple of things to say about this little so-called "rant".
Is it really a rant? It seems awful short to be a rant. But still, in the end, you sometimes just need to get things out.
I really like the 2nd stanza. As far as I know, it speaks the truth.
In fact, I like the whole message in the poem. 'you don't know me and you never will,' is what it says to me.
Or maybe I'm just making too much out of a simple rant.
herby
Yeah, it was a rant. A friends girlfriend said some stuff about me.
Thanks.
Hey there! I know this is pretty obvious and strict poem. Sounds very aggressive, but It needs some more work. I'd like to see it with more metaphores and figures, otherwise it sounds empty. I'm not saying it's bad, but It needs some shaping. It sounds like you're cursing someone in a very ordinary way, which is unlike any poet or artist. Use your subconsciousness and imagination. Give your spirit away, play with the words, be their master!
I suggest some rhymes, but they are not so important as a whole concept of a poem itself. I hope I'm helping. That's what people want to read, strong words about weak situations. Anyway, keep working or your artwork. I hope I'll see an improvement!
~Bard
Thanks for the review, but I have to say that I disagree with you. It doesn't need improving, and here is why:
I never edit a poem that I wrote when I was emotional, because I feel that it takes away the emotion. I hardly ever edit a poem period, because there are no real rules to poetry. I personally don't care if no one else can see the emotion, because I can. And I want to remember what I felt at that moment.
Everyone's opinions are different, and while I thank you for taking that time to review I must be honest, I disagree with you. This doesn't need improving.
It's perfect in its imperfections.
Man, I think that I greatly appreciate you writing this.
That last verse was so classy.
And, Jesus as my witness,
God willing, bitch,
you never will.
There is something about cussing at the right moment that makes the already powerful words mean that much more. I wouldn't send this to the bitch in question, but I totally understand how you feel. Talking about people behind their backs is something that everyone does, regardless of whether or not they are full of morality or not. Just because we all do it doesn't mean it's okay.
Have you ever head the phrase "Let's call a spade, a spade?"
I think we should call a "bitch a bitch."
Hey there HT,
So I understand this is a rant, and I actually like it very much. Repetition when used in poetry can either be very effective, or it be very over used. You however have found the nice medium where it is effective, by repeating the line "You think you know me?" I think another alluring aspect to this poem is the simplicity to it. It's straight up raw emotion, a direct line into your feelings. Another positive thing is your usage of the word "Bitch" in the last stanza. Sometimes, like in this case, using a swear or a slightly harsher vocabulary can really have an impact on the readers emotions. When first reading the description I was pretty much expecting a lot more of that type of vocabulary since it had the 16+ rating and the language disclaimer, but i was pleasantly surprised. This offers insight to the reader showing us that you were so distraught by the rumors being said about you that you were going to the extent to use harsh words, but it also shows us that it isn't something you would say on a regular basis, essentially it gives the word more power in its usage.
On a completely separate note, I'm sorry someone was speaking ill about you, we all know what it is like, and I can honestly say it's a terrible feeling. Although I can only be happy that you have a way to express you emotions in a positively, through poetry that is.
As always write on my friend, write on!
Cheers!
Graham
I love this
I love this