Alone

Hiyah! I know you posted this I while ago, but it's me popping up to review because I refuse to go under 1000 points. Oh well, share the love right?

Anywho, if I were a caring, dramatic, serioius person I think I would enjoy this poem. It's about a person getting over the death of a loved one, correct? I am however not a serious person and some words stick out to me as over-used. Like...
"You are here,
And yet you are not here."
...This specific words almost made me hit the back button, not a good thing considering that these are your first lines. I knew exactly what was coming next. "You are here, but you aren't. I am purple but I am really pink. We are Politics, but we are interesting." Saying stuff that contridicts the pervious statement is a writer's cheap way of seeming deep. I know because I use this a LOT when I am drafting a poem mentally and sometimes while I'm writing. My advice, through deep in a barrel and through it over the Grand Canyon. THAT is deep. The rest of the poem is deep and thought-provoking. So through the first two lines away and set the scene some way different.

Also I think you could emphasize "Alone" by making it it's own stanza. When I read it Alone was very set apart from the rest of the poem and that's how you wanted it, I just think it could be more emphasized because you're depressed and hiding your feelings and the way it reads right now is JUSt sad. (not to be confused with just SAD. which would be mean.)

Toodle-oo!
~Willow C.

I love the way this poem gives you a deep sad feeling. The short lines sound pretty though they are very short.
Work on your rhyming words and your arrangement of your sentences. This is a very well written poem and one of my favourites.
Another negative thing i' d like to point out is that the meaning of some of your sentences is not clear. One good thing is that the way to join two opposites using 'yet'. Keep trying.

I love the way this poem gives you a deep sad feeling. The short lines sound pretty though they are very short.
Work on your rhyming words and your arrangement of your sentences. This is a very well written poem and one of my favourites.
Another negative thing i' d like to point out is that the meaning of some of your sentences is not clear. One good thing is that the way to join two opposites using 'yet'. Keep trying.

Hey Homeschooled, Black here for your requested review (sorry I took so long to get back to you on this -I was really, really, really busy).

Okay, so first off, this was good, in a way . . . and lacking in another. I like how you present the idea, suggesting that this 'other person' is dead, but really showing how much the 'other person' cared about them . . . well, it's a bit hard to tell really. Did this person saying this really care about them? The way they look back on it hints not. But still, nice job.

Okay, so, for the first thing about this piece that I don't like: These people have no tags describing them. Whoever they are (they could be two guys, a guy and a girl . . . whatever, and I wouldn't know), they could use to be described a little bit. Just hinting at something like 'long black hair' suggests that whoever is being hinted about is a girl. It helps when thinking about the poem.

Next thing. I really don't appreciate your pacing. As in, don't appreciate it -10 ot the 10! Why don't you just go back and read this piece to yourself. It has a flow . . . of a sort, but that flow I so slow it's a pain. And it's jerky. I'll take it that not everybody likes rhyming, but if you want flow in your poetry then it's a good thing to use. Another thing you could do to fix this is to try to even out the number of syllables in consecutive lines. Look at these two lines.

And yet,

When I turn around you are not there my darling.

We were together,

For only two years,

And yet,

It feels as if we had spent a lifetime together.

Hey Homeschooled, Black here for your requested review (sorry I took so long to get back to you on this -I was really, really, really busy).

Okay, so first off, this was good, in a way . . . and lacking in another. I like how you present the idea, suggesting that this 'other person' is dead, but really showing how much the 'other person' cared about them . . . well, it's a bit hard to tell really. Did this person saying this really care about them? The way they look back on it hints not. But still, nice job.

Okay, so, for the first thing about this piece that I don't like: These people have no tags describing them. Whoever they are (they could be two guys, a guy and a girl . . . whatever, and I wouldn't know), they could use to be described a little bit. Just hinting at something like 'long black hair' suggests that whoever is being hinted about is a girl. It helps when thinking about the poem.

Next thing. I really don't appreciate your pacing. As in, don't appreciate it -10 ot the 10! Why don't you just go back and read this piece to yourself. It has a flow . . . of a sort, but that flow I so slow it's a pain. And it's jerky. I'll take it that not everybody likes rhyming, but if you want flow in your poetry then it's a good thing to use. Another thing you could do to fix this is to try to even out the number of syllables in consecutive lines. Look at these two lines.

And yet,

When I turn around you are not there my darling.

We were together,

For only two years,

And yet,

It feels as if we had spent a lifetime together.

I love the feel of this poem, especially the short little lines, that have such an impact regardless of their size and yes I am referring to your repetition of the lines 'and yet'/ 'alone' .
I don't like the repetition of 'and yet' in the line before 'I hate it' though because it messes with your pattern but then again... there is still so much beauty in imperfection and even though I like structure in poetry I think in this instance you made it work by putting the 'i hate it' afterwards.
I love the meaning for your poem as it is sad, yet strangely beautiful at the same time

Hey HomeschooledTeen,
I love this poem. Its really beautiful and I can totally relate it. The ending is so bittersweet and perfect : ) can't wait to read more. keep posting xxxx

Hi!

So, I sort of lost this message with the Gifting day. Anyway, here I am; and never too late, yes?!

I'm no poet, so just some thoughts.

- This is something most people can relate to and you did a good job with that!
You use ánd yet' often in this. I think your poem would look and sound lovely if you structured the 'and yet's in a fashion that is consistent.
"

Our time was short,

And yet it was not.

We were together,

For but two short years,
"
This is one place where you can try to come up with some better lines. You mention it was short already, so why not try to bring another emotion instead of repeating the same?

The last bit talk of this person being in pain. Perhaps you could use this as a tangent to talk about the pain? And maybe add some more depth to the poem? Until this bit, I thought the person died a natural death, so this line threw me off. You could work some lovely lines with this theme.

Cheers and keep writing!

I can easily relate to this poem. It's amazing. I can't wait to read more of your work.
The poem flows easily, and you have great vocabally.

'Our time was short,

And yet it was not.

We were together,

For but two short years,

And yet, '

This is my favorite part because it caught my attention the most. I've enjoyed reading this.

Anyways, keep up the good work.
Xoxoxoos,

Love Katy.

Okay, so at first I thought that this was a story about an actual lost love of the author, but as I read on, I realised that This was a story about a person whose lover was lost.
It is kind of sad, but enjoyable at the same time. I didn't see any spelling errors, but I wasn't looking too hard.
I like how you spaced out the lines, and kept the poem short. that added a nice simplicity touch.
not such a fan of all of the 'alones,' though.

Hi there,

My very first review, so please mind the amateur technique...

The poem was absolutely divine to read. Not only did it capture the true roughness of human behavior but it too had a gentleness to it. The contrast made the poem gripping and ever so emotional. You can almost feel the pain that this person is going through...

Well done, look forward to reading some more of your work

I read the discription, so I have reason to believe that this wonderful poem you have here was about someone you love, or for someone you love. It is ver, very, very well done. I bet if it was the latter, then the one you loe must have been in stitches at the least.
One thing in particular that I loved about this poem was its detail.
Things like "Your touch as soft as a feather"... And "Your resting place is beautiful, and yet it is ugly"
That kind of detail pulls the poem together and makes it all work even more. Great job!
Now that I think about it.... This poem maybe be for or about Simone close to you who is dead?.. Eh, the poem is so great and enigmatic that I can't really tell. Haha!
~Dark