Young Writers Society

First of all I like your first stanza. It really brought the readers to question what they had been doing that night.

Where were you,
when those towers fell,
when those people died,
and the world went to hell?

The second stanza now makes a lot of sense than what I have seen in the comments from an earlier copy. You're talking about how the killers died killing us.

Where were you that night,
when those people tried,
to murder us all,
but they themselves died?

The last line in the third stanza is for ghosts only people. Just so you know.

Where were you that night,
did you see them fall,
were you in a plane
did you live at all?

The last stanza, all I was told is that I was celebrating my 2nd birthday. Hard to forget your birthday, especially when a lot of people died on that day......

Where was I that night?
I don't really remember.
But we will never forget,
that day in September.

Where were you that night,
when those towers fell,
when those people died,
and the world went to hell?

Where were you that night,
when those people tried,
to murder us all,
but they still died?

Where was I that night?
I don't remember.
But we will never forget,
that day in September.

Hi HomeschooledTeen,here is Dark to give review on your poem.

I really like the way you ask questions 'repeated' in every stanzas here in you poem.It makes the reader think and wonder ,thus bringing them to read the next lines.

#Where were you that night, *

I love your writing style here that shows a strong diction and really enthralling in each lines of your poem.But there is one thing that makes me confuse through this lines:

# when those people tried,

to murder us all,

but 'they' still died?-->Who is 'they' actually refer too?

Anyway,I enjoyed reading your poem here and I really love the end,when one more time you leave a question again here.
# But we will never forget,

that day in September. -->It's not so clear here,but I think there is something hiding behind this word 'september'.Good job and keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Hi there HomeschooledTeen! Nite here to review.

I understand this is a touchy subject. I think the emotional impact of 9/11 makes it difficult both to write and to critique. That said, I'll attempt.

There's some strong parts in this piece. I especially liked the third stanza, with "did you live at all?" It implies this double meaning, both of people literally dying and those who are forced to re-examine their lives in the wake of such a tragedy.

My biggest critique: The planes hit the towers in the morning, between 8 and 9 am. Such an error looks really strange and makes me take the piece less seriously.

I also think you could cut the last stanza entirely. You say you don't remember (I'm guessing because you were too young?), which undermines the whole point of the poem, which is remembering this event. I think the third stanza would be stronger.

Lastly, you don't need a comma at the end of every line because it makes it really choppy. I'd keep them only where it makes sense grammatically.

Overall, this is pretty good. I think if you dumped the last stanza and corrected the timeframe, it would be an improvement. Keep writing!

when those people tried,
to kill us all,
and then they died?

I don't really understand that line, people trying to kill and dying? It could have been written clearer.
eg. when those people tried,
to murder us all,
but they still died?

Also, the last stanza;

Where I was I that night?
I don't remember.
But we will never forget,
that day in September.

That was probably a mistake you overlooked but it itched at me. First, the first line 'Where I was I that night' you had an unessasary I, and the 'we will never' when you were saying that the person was not there with you. how could you know what that person will 'never forget'?
But overall, nice presentation and amazing story.