Perfect

Hello! Such a beautiful piece! Correct me if I'm wrong, we're talking about labor.


I like how you use the word drugs repeatedly--at first, I thought someone OD-ed but when you got to the 6th line, I realized she's having a C-section. So, you're using drugs in the positive, helpful way to portray a serious, fearful situation.

From that, the emotion and tone is spot on. The frustration and irony; the fear and worry--I love it all. But, it seemed vaguer in the beginning compared to the rest of the poem, so I would suggest strengthening that so the reader can feel your message throughout the whole work.

Now, with the line "It must have been a man, for no woman," seemed very prejudice and out of line. By throwing this card, you are in for a lot of criticism. Personally, my Dad is a physician and has to deliver babies in emergencies, so I feel a personal draw to criticize this; others may agree perfectly with you. While I read, I try to stay neutral so I am not trying to criticize it, but am merely making you aware of the controversy you have set up. But, for this poem, I think it's fine in context because the woman is on drugs, afraid, etc so her mind is everywhere.

I see an inverted triangle with this: you start broad and end concise and I LOVE the last line. Absolutely wonderful! It gave the whole poem meaning. The reassurance of holding one's child in one's arms after a long labor.

Overall, beautiful job!

That was sweet! And gosh painful...

Loved the way you have described everything. I loved the main idea and theme of the poem, a mother and the baby and the drugs--- like ... Medicines. Everything was good .. but it would have been more beautiful if the whole peace was broken down into stanzas and make it seem more like a poem... Rest ... everything is perfect.

Keep writing and we would love to keep reading and reviewing them

With love,
From Eros.

Hi KnightTeen! I'm reviewing this for RevMo.

I haven't reviewed poetry for months (maybe even a year O.o.) so please take this with a grain of salt! My suggestions below are just food for thought

So I suppose that this poem narrates a difficult delivery ending in a C-section but how the mother knows it's worth it when the boy is in her arms. I haven't had a baby, so maybe I couldn't relate to it as much as other mothers might be able to. Though, yes, I can imagine that it's all worth it and that I can fully get it in the future--I definitely want to have children!

Like I said above, my suggestions are just something for you to possibly explore.

I feel like it'd be interesting if you could add some meter to it, to make some blank verse or something like that. When I read poems, it depends on the poem of course but I do love to see rhythm in some of them. On a related note, you could try adding rhyme and see how it ends up. But I'm not completely sure about either because it might make this poem sound singsongy and obviously singsongy is not the tone that would fit here.

I like the way in the middle, the tension heightens because the mother is unaware of what's going on and unable to control it. Another small suggestion is to tweak the diction in this part a bit, maybe make the words sound sharper and more atmospheric. Also--one last note in the end: maybe you could elaborate on "perfect" more. Because the word perfect can mean many things and I would like to see more of the perfection of a newborn boy.

Thanks for the read and keep writing! I definitely enjoyed reading it.

-Ink