Hey, I need to talk to you.
No, not later.
Now.
You need to listen, listen to me.
I'm being serious.
I know, it's hard to believe.
You remember when, we had that fight?
It wasn't a fight really.
But it totally felt like one.
You were dating this girl,and she decided,
that I was something I wasn't.
She called me a whore without even knowing me.
And, guess what, that hurt.
But, what hurt even more,
was that you let her.
You told me she wanted to talk to me,
you told me you didn't know.
But did you?
I wondered that, so many times,
thinking you did, and then,
thinking you didn't.
And I hated you for that.
Because I knew you, it was easier to be angry.
Her I could forgive, she was nothing.
But you, you're everything,
and because I love you, I hated you.
And then I hated myself.
Because it wasn't your fault.
But I didn't stop.
I took it in shifts, loving and hating you.
And I am so sorry.
It wasn't fair.
I should have trusted you.
I should have known better.
And I shouldn't have lied,
saying I was okay when I wasn't.
I shouldn't have chickened out,
when I tried to tell you what I wasn't okay.
And I'm sorry for that too.
I'm sorry for wanting to hit you,
for wanting to yell at you,
and for not talking to you about how I was feeling.
Just, don't brush this apology off, okay?
Listen,
and forgive.
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Timmy here for a review!
I saw this yesterday, but didn't get a chance to write up a review for you until now! So here we go!
This was pretty amazing, really. Its a very deep story that I read in this poem, and that is something that you don't see too often in poems, and should be seen more often... Listen, and forgive. Very cool.
I will hit a few nitpicks now, while I am here!
Ok, so that part just shows something in this poem that I think breaks up the flow more than anything else in it. The commas. Commas. commas, and then more commas. They are like a mental break to me, a stop in the flow. At certain parts... they do their job, like at the end of a line, but in the middle like you have them, it just disrupts your poem's flow. In most cases, anyway. So rewritten, those two lines could be done as:
So that sums up my nitpicks! Awesome poem, with a powerful story!
~Timmyjake
I see what you meant on the first one, but let me clarify the last two.
It's meant to feel choppy in the first three lines because the narrator is desperate for this boy to listen to her. If she doesn't insist he listen to her, right now, she's going to lose it again. He tries to brush her off (this is just what's in my head) but she won't go away, so she is direct as possible.
The last one is meant to be that way. I still love him. And I will totally take out those commas, thanks for pointing that out!
I seriously love it when you review for me, you are always so helpful!
Awwww... Thanks! You write great work!
Flawless. This is one of the best works I have read in a while in terms of relationship.
Like Tiny JarStoreDream said "that was really deep"
couldn't have said that any better
now i just feel like someone just should forgive me lol & joke but all seriousness
it was good. Forgive me i'm still new to this review thing
Bonus: easy to connect to
At the beginning of the poem it felt you were chasing or wanted whom ever you speaking of to look back as you as ran towards them a least that's how i imagine, but the point is,throughout the poem it felt like as if the person you were apologizing was there with you but then at end "just,don't brush this apology off,okay? boom! it felt like a letter all of the sudden
Grammar: 100% "In my opinion, poetry, to an extent, can be an anything-goes form of art, so long as the poet is consistent with their work, and so long as their breaks from the rules of grammar do not hinder the reader from grasping the full meaning of the poem".
Spelling: 100%
Hey Tiny here!
Well dang, that was deep. I loved how every stanza had the same amount of lines, sorry that's just a nit-picky thing. The only thing that this poem could use is if you removed the lines between each stanza. I know this website has some issues with the paragraphing, but it would look better with no separation that with those lines.
Grammar: 95%- Nothing worth pointing out
Spelling: 100%- Woo-hoo! A+ on that from inspector Tiny
I very much enjoyed this piece and I look forward to seeing more from you
Keep writing