Ascension: Nyx 19 (The Myriad book 1)

The moment I became conscious, I was annoyed. I was in a wooden chair, and I hated to sleep sitting up. It gave me neck cramps. I could feel bonds cutting into my arms, chest, and legs, and my gauntlet had been removed. Regarding how I arrived here, I had nothing more than a vague recollection of things going wrong when I tried to kill Corso.

I sat up straighter, producing a cacophony of cracks from my spine and peeled my eyes open. A dark haired boy of about fourteen sat in a chair placed facing me. His shaggy hair fell across his face, obscuring his brown eyes from view.

“This is a nice change of scenery,” I drawled.

“It’s a prison cell.”

“Is it? I thought it was a tree.” Of course, being bound to a chair made it seem more like a prison cell, but it was formed out of a tree. Elven magic had shaped the tree’s growth, giving them bubble like rooms in their trunks. The moss covered walls were made from a single piece of wood, with an intricate crosshatching of sticks forming windows. If I was in a prison, it hadn’t seen a lot of use. I was the sole prisoner, and I couldn’t see any defenses, and there were only two guards.

“Ah, Corso Ghostfire,” I greeted him. “Not dead, I see.” I had felt guilty about attempting to kill the boy when it was happening. Guilt was an emotion that I’d tried to obliterate, and the fact that the insolent child had attempted to set me on fire helped me overcome it.

“Why did you call me ‘Ghostfire?’” Corso asked me.

“No ‘who are you?’ No ‘why did you try to kill me?’ No ‘how do you know my name?’ You don’t know how to prioritize,” I intoned.

“Fine,” Corso said. “Are you going to answer any of those questions?” Either Corso was an inexperienced and interrogator or he was attempting a tactic that hadn’t been used on me before. If it was the latter, it wasn’t working very well, and I had a strong suspicion that it was the former.

“Not for free,” I said.

“You’re the prisoner. You don’t get paid for information.”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” I said, drumming my fingers on the arm of the chair I was tied to. “You misunderstand me. I don’t need money. What I want is my gauntlet.”

A laugh that was more of a bark escaped Ghostfire’s lips. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Look,” he said. “I may not know a lot about magic, but even I know enough to not give you back the object that shoots fire and ice.”

“Oh, it’s not the gauntlet that does that.” This was a bold faced lie, but Corso had just said he didn’t know a lot about magic. He was a horrible interrogator. “That magic is my power and mine alone. I just keep the gauntlet around for nostalgic purposes.”

Corso didn’t look as worried as I’d hoped, but he wasn’t gloating, either. “You… You can’t do that. If you could, you would already have gotten out of here.”

That was the flaw in my pitiful escape attempt. Of course, I could just Flicker to another world and then Flicker back to Alaran to get my gauntlet, but that required a lot of energy, and it was hard to Flicker to specific locations. I’d been lucky to land in the forest when I Flickered here the first time. I would do it if I had to, but I would attempt to find an easier solution first.

“Okay, here’s my offer: I’ll answer two of your questions now. Then we can negotiate on the price for my gauntlet,” I said.

Corso glanced at the ceiling as he considered this. “Which questions?”

I shrugged, which isn’t easy when tied to a chair. “It’s up to you.”

Corso raked a hand through his hair. “What’s your name? Why did you call me Ghostfire?” he asked at last.

“Those are your questions?” I scoffed. “My name’s Nyx the Alchemist. And I call you Ghostfire because that’s what the Harbinger said your name was.”

Corso’s face adopted a glassy expression, his eyes misting over. “The… Harbinger…” he repeated to himself. “He… he sent you, didn’t he?”

“You get two questions!” I barked, worried that I’d given away more than I wanted to. I didn't like that Corso recognized the Harbinger's name.

Without another word, Corso rushed out of the room. “Hey! Wait! We need to talk about my gauntlet!” I called after him, but he didn’t come back.

Corso has connections to the Harbinger, too, I realized. This didn’t surprise me as much as it had surprised Corso. The Harbinger must have known about Corso somehow or he wouldn’t have wanted him dead. Still, I wanted my gauntlet back and I resolved not to divulge any more information until I received it.

After a few moments, someone else walked into my arborous excuse for a prison cell.

“Hello, Ice Cube,” I drawled, recognizing him as the one I had frozen when I attacked Corso. The silver bearded elf was unperturbed, and lowered himself into Corso’s seat. I stared at him. He stared back. His stare was unwavering, so I allowed myself a small, offsetting smile. It was a common interrogation tactic, attempting to build up an uncomfortable silence that I would be inclined to break. Corso was an amateur. In fact, I suspected that he had only been allowed to see me because I tried to kill him. This old elf man was the one in command.

Seconds ticked into minutes. After at least seventeen passed in silence, I cursed in my mind. Grix, I thought, when I realized I was going to speak first.

“Who are you supposed to be?” I asked, hoping that my tone was cutting enough to make up for my loss at the silent contest.

“My name is Taanyth,” the elf said. “But my name isn’t the one that matters. If I’m not mistaken, yours is Nyx the Alchemist. What are you doing on my world?”

Comments & reviews · 4
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Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:00 am

I’m still in Shanghai and no, you probably didn’t need to know that. I expect this will be the last one before I’m either on the plane or back in the UK though.

Specifics

1.

“Fine,” Corso said. “Are you going to answer any of those questions?” Either Corso was an inexperienced and interrogator or he was attempting a tactic that hadn’t been used on me before.


2.
Corso didn’t look as worried as I’d hoped, but he wasn’t gloating, either. “You… You can’t do that. If you could, you would already have gotten out of here.”
Corso himself was able to create fire without use of a magical item and he’s inexperienced so it seems more likely that he would believe her lie.

Overall

So I think this chapter is too short in terms of plot advancement. It feels like the interrogation has only just started before you cut away and the reader hasn’t been given any new information. Yes, Corso now knows the girl’s name and who sent her, but we knew these things already so this chapter is pretty unfulfilling for your readers.

It’s also not clear how Nyx knows this tree room is a prison cell – what in it makes it different to the other tree rooms? Is it smaller? Is there a separation between her and the guards – like bars made out of tree branches? She can’t see it from the outside so the description of it being bubbles in a tree is nice but it doesn’t feel like something Nyx would know just from being in the room.

Just a few things to think about! What you have in this chapter is nice but I think more description and an extended dialogue would make it feel more complete.

See you again soon!

~Heather

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Virgil
Review
Virgil wrote a review · Sun May 28, 2017 11:56 pm

This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review at the tail end of Review Day.

So I remember reviewing this novel before, and since this is in the Green Room, I thought I might as well give it a review. I have a hard time properly follow novels, yet I keep tabs on what I've reviewed before. There's the same fast-paced tone to this chapter, yet at the same time I found there to be more description and fleshing out than in your previous chapters. At least, in the beginning of the chapter there's more development when it comes to the scenery, which I have to say is nice.

Yet at the same time, this is lost as the chapter progresses and we go back to a focus that is mainly on the dialogue of the chapter--I found it to be rather clever, yet there doesn't seem to be much of a balance. The pacing is still a little off-putting to me and I'm still in the belief that you could take more time to flesh out the environment that your characters are in, because it really does end up paying off in the future. What I did enjoy particularly about this chapter is the character interactions that go on between Nyx and Corso, since I fond that to be quite interesting.

Though, Corso is only 14/he only looks to be 14? I thought a person in his occupation of being an interrogator would have been older! Other than that, I found this to be a pretty solid chapter though the pacing could be slowed down to be more effective in worldbuilding. The ending of the chapter is pretty interesting in making me want to read the next chapter, so I give props to you on that part. It's a fun ending, and it works.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day. Keep writing and experimenting.

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PrincessInk
Review

Hello there Feltrix. Right now we're in the 19th installment.

So I don't have too much to talk about, because what I want to point out is probably similar to what I ever said before. Still, I will be mentioning them.

I still think Nyx is a lot like Alsari. The drawling for example (I noticed that's what you like to use?). I guess both of them are reckless and strong and snarky. Nyx is a tad softer in my opinion, but if Alsari was in the situation, I'm quite sure that I wouldn't blink at what she would say or do. From what I see, making them totally different from each other (like one a tough one, the other not) would probably not fit them well. But despite their similarities, giving them some nuances and personalities of their own will fix this, I believe.

There is no setting in this scene. Launching into long-drawn descriptions is definitely going to bore everybody reading it (maybe even the writer who's rereading their draft), but at least I would like to know where is Nyx. Is she still in the tree where Corso was talking to Taanyth? Or not? Is the room dark? light? I assume she doesn't just notice her chair and the seat nearby, right? Setting can hone the atmosphere and possibly veil some important events that are going to take place using part of the setting (such as breaking out of a window).

I'm not too sure about how Nyx feels that the Harbinger has connections to Corso. Is she surprised? Feeling "Oh, meh!"? What is her reaction? Because I obviously see that Corso's reaction (and good job for showing that one), I'd like to know Nyx's reaction.

I really love the hook at the end. It makes me realize that perhaps Nyx is more famous--more aptly infamous perhaps--then she lets on. I'm really curious what happens next. Has she ever come to this world? Why is she well-known as that? I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

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Feltrix
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@PrincessInk and @MJTucker, this chapter took a while because midway through I ended up in a war with @Sparkawan and all of my free time had to be devoted to reading the second Trials of Apollo book. Anyway, that's done, so my chapters should appear more regularly now.

Totally fine, I won't be able to review at all this week though because it's finals *curls up in a corner and crys*, but during summer break it's FREEEEEDOM and I can review again *cries tears of joy*



I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
— William Shakespeare