So I’m in Shanghai. I didn’t work on this on the plane in the end – I watched a few films and then was too tired to really focus on much. But hey, you may be the only person on the whole of YWS to have a review written by me in Shanghai so that’s cool, right?
Specifics
1. It’s great to see Thorn through Alsari’s eyes and that’s a nice way to introduce the chapter and remind us where you left off.
2.
The switching between Feltrix and Thorn is okay sometimes but it doesn’t work here. Alsari has just met this person and when we meet someone, we decide on one name to call them at first. It’s hard enough to associate one name with a face, never mind two. Only later do we add in nicknames or alternatives but when we first meet them, we will call them by one thing in our heads. That thing may change as we interact with them but here Alsari changes the name without any significant interaction from Thorn.I thought Feltrix was going to faint. “Relax,” I said, shooting a look at Thørn. “I’m not going to kill anyone.”
3. The explanation from Quint that they are everywhere is very well put and one of the first real eye openers in this series in terms of where the plot is going and who the key players are. Very nice. However, I think he’s wrong to say Alsari has seen them many times without knowing they were there as she has already said that she has met lots of groups – so she didn’t know who they were but she knew they were there. Maybe re-phrase that to ‘You’ve seen us many times without even knowing who we were.’ The rest of the speech work really well.
4.
This is awkwardly phrased. If she doesn’t believe them then she shouldn’t find it interesting. That second sentence needs to be a but. Like: ‘That was interesting. If what Quint said was true, and maybe it wasn’t but if it was, the Eternian Academy was much more formidable than I had considered them.’That was interesting. If what Quint said was true, and I had no reason to believe it was, then the Eternian Academy was much more formidable than I had considered them before.
5.
If they discussed it with his parents and they agreed then surely they would have taken him from his home instead of the school, after his parents had a chance to talk to him or assure him it was okay. I’m not really buying the story that there wasn’t a more peaceful way to do this.“You’reYour recruitment-” Thørn raised an eyebrow. “Required a significant amount of negotiation. Just not with you. We discussed it in great detail with your parents, who decided that this was what’s best for you.”
Overall
Quint really makes this chapter which on the one hand is a shame because Thorn and Alsari don’t get a chance to shine. But on the other hand, it’s good to meet a character who seems passionate about something and who seems to be very soulful and driven. I think it would be good to have a few more hints of Quint’s background and perhaps he would reveal some of this to encourage them to trust him. Was he perhaps recruited by the academy in a similar way once? Is he perhaps also a Flicker?
I think we also need a reminder that Alsari is blocked from her magic and to understand how she feels about that. Does she avoid mentioning it because she doesn’t want the telepath to know she is helpless? I think we need to see more of her worry/ fear around this because Alsari is a very hot headed girl and she shouldn’t take a back seat completely, not when it’s a chapter from her view point.
See you again soon!
~Heather
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Reviews: 2631
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