Ascension: Alsari 12 (The Myriad book 1)

My eyes had barely adjusted to the darkness of the prison cell when two attendants clamped manacles onto my arms. The effect was immediate. An icy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. For as long as I could remember, stone and metal had been like an extension of my being. I had been one with it. I glanced around my cell, it was entirely made of granite blocks, but I was cut off from it. These chains….somehow, they were inhibiting my magic.

“You can leave,” a cold voice informed the attendants. They proceeded to do so, locking me behind metal bars. For the first time that I could remember, the iron wouldn’t bend to my will. The effect of losing my magic was like losing connection to my legs. I was shaken and unsteady.

“Where….Where am I?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from trembling. I was not going to fall apart. “Who are you?”

A woman stepped into view. She held herself in a way that commanded authority, with the familiar white hourglass symbol on her shoulder. “My name is Regent Kyra Solar,” she said. “And you’re in the Deadlock, the most secure prison on this world. You’re here because you attempted to escape from the extraction team. Our geomancer dropped you through the floor and into the cell we’d prepared in anticipation of your ill-fated escape attempt.”

“This is where you keep them,” I realized.

Solar frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“The Eternian Academy isn’t just a school,” I murmured. “That’s what Eira said. She also said you have files on everyone. You train mages. This isn’t an academy, it’s a base of operations. You’ve collected the most powerful people on this world, and the ones who don’t stay in line….they end up here.”

“That’s a lot of assumptions,” Kyra said.

“Am I wrong?”

“More or less.” The Regent stepped closer to me. I expected her to stop at the bars, but she didn’t. She continued forward, passing through the solid metal as though it wasn’t there. My thoughts raced, trying to find an explanation for how she’d stepped through the bars. They were solid, I’d seen the attendants touch them. I’d heard of phasing magic, but that was woefully underdeveloped. Even if Kyra had phased through the bars, she also would have fallen through the floor, straight to the center of the world.

“You’ve known the Academy existed for less than twelve hours, most of which you spent unconscious, and you’re already judging our ways?”

“You’re a telepath,” I realized.

“I’m not here at all,” Solar agreed. “I’m actually forty-two stories above you having a conversation with another new recruit.”

“Why are you here?” I said, rallying what little defiance I had left. The loss of my magic had taken a toll on me, and but I had to keep up a strong front. “If you’re just going to demonstrate your power, you might as well leave.”

“Gladly.” Kyra began to fade out of existence, fraying around the edges, colors blurring together. “Just….try to keep an open mind.” With that, she was gone.

Time passed differently in cages. The only way of pinpointing it was the distance between meals, and I suspected the guards chose the times at random to destroy my sense of time. I couldn’t have been here more than an hour, so that hadn’t taken effect yet, but I knew from past experiences that it was only a matter of time.

I was taken by surprise when a soldier approached my cell with a key.

“What are you doing?” I asked, voice hoarse from lack of use.

The soldier raised an eyebrow. “What does it look like I’m doin’?” He proceeded to insert the key into the lock on my door, which swung open without a sound. “Well? Are ya comin’?”

Perplexed and suspicious, I stepped out of my cell. I felt unsteady walking without magic. It wasn’t necessary, but I subconsciously used lithomancy to support me when I walked, and so I never tripped or stepped on sharp rocks. I could still walk without magic, but it was like my legs were liquid without it. “Why is Kyra letting me out?” I asked.

“Do you want to go back?” The guard laughed and I glared at him. He stopped laughing. “It’s not my place to interpret Regent Solar’s wishes.”

“But she didn’t order you to take these off?” I raised my still-manacled wrists. It was a desperate hope, yet still worth a shot.

“Nope.”

So Kyra was letting me out of the cell, but not out of the compound. She still wanted me as a prisoner, but she was granting me access to more space. Solar was confident that she could contain me. I had learned long ago that confidence was a weakness. Still, the solid granite walls made confidence seem more like observation.

The guard lead me past rows of cells, most of them empty. Some were covered with curtains and other cloth, shielding them from view. As attempts to hide prisoners went, this one was futile.

The guard lead me into an empty room, one that wasn’t a cell. Still, the resemblance was disturbingly familiar. It was devoid of any furnishings or decorations, only more of the ubiquitous stone walls. The only thing that was missing were the bars. “What’s this?” I asked. “A torture chamber? Execution room?” I didn’t expect either of the options to be correct, but my confidence was growing, and I could overpower the guard, even without my magic.

“Nothing so melodramatic,” a voice behind me drawled.

I grimaced when I recognized the voice, swiveling around to face the speaker. “What do you want, Solar?”

Kyra gave me a bland smile. “You’re not asking the important questions, Alsari,” she said.

“And what might those be?” I had known her for a short time, but I was beginning to hate Kyra Solar. Her casual condescension grated on me.

“What are the consequences for you?” she replied.

“What are you talking-”

“In a few minutes, there’s someone you’re going to meet,” the regent stated. “He’s talking to me right now, but we’ll be done shortly. His name is Thørn Feltrix.”

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Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review · Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:07 am

Specifics

1. How do they put the manacles on Alsari? Do they open the prison cell and do it while she's still groggy or do they use something on her to keep her from stopping them? You brushed over that detail a little too quickly and it's a really key one. It's also not clear where this chapter starts from. I had assumed she's already in the prison cell and has been for some time since her eyes have adjusted to darkness but I suppose this could also be as they are taking her there. But I think you need to make it clearer where this chapter starts. From reading on I can see you meant her to have just arrived at the cell but from the first paragraph I thought she'd been there some time.

2.

A woman stepped into view. She held herself in a way that commanded authority, with the familiar white hourglass symbol on her shoulder.
Is there a light source at this point? If not, it would be unlikely she can make out such a small detail.

3.
“Why are you here?” I said, rallying what little defiance I had left. The loss of my magic had taken a toll on me, and but I had to keep up a strong front. “If you’re just going to demonstrate your power, you might as well leave.”


4.
Time passed differently in cages. The only way of pinpointing it was the distance between meals, and I suspected the guards chose the times at random to destroy my sense of time. I couldn’t have been here more than an hour, so that hadn’t taken effect yet, but I knew from past experiences that it was only a matter of time.
This is awkward. If she hadn't been here an hour yet then meals can't be used to tell the time difference as she will have been fed one meal at most and will not know if/ when she's going to get another.

Overall

I like Kyra and I like that this chapter shows us a contrast between how she greets different people arriving at the academy. I think she's very clearly a mature and powerful person and I get the sense that she's well placed to run this academy. I'm actually glad they're taking precautions with Alsari. Afterall, she hurt the guards when she arrived and could do real harm to the other students and people there. I think this chapter goes a long way to make this academy seem realistic.

I think you also did a really good job of describing how vulnerable Alsari feels without her magic. She perhaps recovers her bravado a little too quickly toward the end but we can also see that it's not one hundred percent there because she realises the stone walls may be enough to keep her in now she no longer has her connection to her magic.

All in all, this is a solid chapter.

All the best,

~Heather

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BluesClues
Review

Oooh, cool. Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to hate Kyra Solar, but I'm fascinated by her. She might be confident, maybe even overconfident, but that confidence seems pretty well-earned, considering this.

For as long as I could remember, stone and metal had been like an extension of my being. I had been one with it. I glanced around my cell, it was entirely made of granite blocks, but I was cut off from it. These chains….somehow, they were inhibiting my magic.


The Regent stepped closer to me. I expected her to stop at the bars, but she didn’t. She continued forward, passing through the solid metal as though it wasn’t there. My thoughts raced, trying to find an explanation for how she’d stepped through the bars. They were solid, I’d seen the attendants touch them.


“I’m not here at all,” Solar agreed. “I’m actually forty-two stories above you having a conversation with another new recruit.”


Like, wow. She takes her due precautions, and she's way more powerful than I realized from the last chapter with Feltrix. Also it's sort of funny to me, I remember in the last chapter I read that included Feltrix but didn't have him as a narrator, I was like, "Wow, it's really confusing that you keep referring to him by different names, at first I didn't realize Thorn and Feltrix were the same person," but I think you just did the same thing with Kyra and I didn't mind at all. I'm not sure why. It might be because there are fewer characters with names in this chapter - the last one, there were quite a few to keep track of, but here Kyra's the only one named until the very end, when she mentions Feltrix. So I always knew who we were talking about.

I also like that Kyra kind of called Alsari out like, "You can't really judge us when you LITERALLY just found out about us and then spent most of the time since then unconscious, ok?" She's not really trying (yet, at least) to manipulate Alsari or say, "Hey, we're really the GOOD guys" - she's just saying, "Don't judge us until you know more." Which probably Alsari should be a little wary of, but also it's fair.

I really liked this, but I wish there was more of it.

For the first time that I could remember, the iron wouldn’t bend to my will. The effect of losing my magic was like losing connection to my legs. I felt shaken and unsteady.


I'm kind of thinking of ATLA and LOK, where bending is an integral part of the benders' identities, so they get really scared and hopeless when they're somewhere they can't bend (Earthbenders, until Toph awesomely comes up with metal-bending) and then are not only weak physically but emotional wrecks if their bending is actually taken away (which figures more into LOK but always makes me question Aang's defeat of the Firelord in ATLA now that I've seen more of that, like maybe it would've actually been kinder to just kill the guy).

I guess what I'm saying is, this is a good start to how Alsari feels sans magic, but I'd like to see more.

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PrincessInk
Review

Hello there--I'm here with the promised review! :)

The first thing I want to point out is that there's a lack of setting here. Alsari and the guard are going out to an empty room right? I'd like to have some description, setting here. I'd like to know the mood of the room, the atmosphere. Setting the atmosphere can really cause a powerful effect in your story. And also in the cell. So, the biggest point here--a little more consideration when creating the setting would be great.

I don't know if you intended this or not, but I was thinking, "I told you so" when Alsari was talking to Solar. I guess she was rather cocky and I don't think I attached to her so much. I think I would really care for her if you made her a little more complex, instead of the "strong sassy" character.

I'll be touching some parts of your chapter now:

An icy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. These chains….somehow, they were inhibiting my magic.


These two sentences are rather abrupt here. I guess Alsari has a gut feeling about this, but this was still awkward. A little confusion here:

They proceeded to do so, locking me behind metal bars. For the first time that I could remember, the iron wouldn’t bend to my will.


How did Alsari know that? Did she try to push it open? I suppose she knows that her magic is inhibited, but...

When Solar said about Alsari being unconscious for hours, I felt the stream of thought afterwards wasn't in the right place. I thought that perhaps you could tweak a bit of the order of actions to let everything fit together nicely.

The guard lead me into an empty room, one that wasn’t a cell. “What’s this?” I drawled. “A torture chamber? Execution room?” I was confident I could overpower the guard, even without my magic.

“Nothing so melodramatic,” a voice behind me drawled.


"drawled" was used to closely together that perhaps you could find a different dialogue tag for this.

Overall, this chapter wasn't particularly huge progress, but I'm really excited to know how Alsari and Thorn will interact. I'm still wishing there'd be connection between the two pairs--Corso and Nyx, Alsari and Thorn. I still see them as having completely different stories, and though I'm guessing they'll probably meet up later, perhaps some hints about a possible union would be nice! The magic Solar used was really interesting, and I'm hoping Alsari or Thorn can be able to use them! I hope this review helped and have a great day!

~Princess Ink~

I tried to shift the tone of the chapter to give Alsari more character. I'm not sure if it worked, but I'm glad you made the suggestion!

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Feltrix
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I kind of slogged through this chapter, so it's probably not my best one. It's mostly here because I didn't want to break my narrator rotation pattern, and I want Thørn and Alsari to meet, but not to cut off Thørn's current conversation because it's kind of important.



It takes me deciding to write on YWS in the late hours...to realize how many members are most active while I'm unconscious
— RavenAkuma