The Spider's Secret

Hello there. First of all, that's a really nice title. The picture is nice too and looks cool, especially the web covering that opening. The openings a little too big though so it didn't feel really secretive for me.

Nitpicks:

Here the spiders used to tread

With their fingers of silk spinning wonders of dreams.

And now I see his kind’s art; beautiful, delicate.

Me wonder if it was this was the very web. The web that he had spun
While he was still alive.

I can remember the blood seeping into the ground,
So helpless.

But when all’s said and done...

I should never had treated him that way.

We have no right to mess around
With their secrets. Like the keys to doors. If the door is not ours,
We shouldn’t look for the key. Because it shouldn’t be found.

I love it. I love the meaning behind it. The imagdry was astonishing to say the least. I have never thought about it like that and now I'll probably rememeber this before I do!

A translucent web drapes down, haunted with
Secrets of a distant past.
Here the spiders used to tread

Freeing themselves from our world of dread.

I like this line

Eight long legs crawling towards me.
A hard shoe put an end
To his carefree life, and his blood
Seeped into the dry soil.
Still his eyes locked onto my soul, like those of a friend.

Just added some breaks. And the last line is chilling....

And now I see his kind’s art; beautiful, delicate.
Enough to make me wonder if
it was this very web.
The web that he had spun while he was still alive.
I can remember the blood seeping into the ground,
So helpless. So careless I had been.
But when all’s said and done...

I should never had treated him that way.
We have no right to mess around
With their secrets.
Like the keys to doors. If the door is not ours,
We shouldn’t look for the key.
Because it shouldn’t be found.

Oooh! Your picture is lovely! I love how it accompanies your poem... you are quite an amazing photographer! Also, usually I don't like to comment on age, especially with relationship with your writing since sometimes people can be insulted, but I seriously thought you were much older by the sound of your poem... your voice is very nicely developed and it sounds very mature! I can scarcely believe you're 13! Anyway, it's a very good thing... I can't wait to see you when you improve!

Now, about the poem... I love how described the spider's web and the spider's death and then your wonder whether you killed the artist of the web. It makes it a bit tragic, and that's lovely.

Now, some things that you might want to do to perhaps improve your poem? Don't refer to the spiders as "they" and instead choose a gender (he or she, it doesn't matter). That way, you can make a lovely parallelism between the spider that you killed and the builder on the web. By making it singular as opposed to plural, you specifically refer to the spider that built the web as the spider you killed. By making it plural instead, it seems more like it's just one of a billion... and the way that your poem is set up right now, I think the singular tense would be more powerful. If you're set on making it plural, make it less of a tragedy that the spider is killed and make it more hopeful... though one is dead, the web continues on. That sort of thing. But again, that's not the intention I think you're aiming for.

As far as your last stanza, I think it is a bit on the preachy side... but it only seems that because you don't really address secrets before (well, you kind of, but you don't really explain how it's a secret so it seems to be a bit of a throw-away description) and then suddenly BAM. You start talking about how we shouldn't get into secrets. So! Either you need to talk about secrets more and don't just toss the idea out there and then get back to it at the very end, or you need to dwell into what makes it secret. Personally? I like the second idea. But do whatever you think will help!

Best of luck!

K, the picture is beautiful, and the poem is quite well written. I'll give you a quick review!

Crimsona wrote:
Translucent web drapes down, haunted with
Secrets of distant past. Here the spiders used to tread
With their fingers of silk spinning wonders of dreams.
Freeing themselves from our world of dread. This is absolutely gorgeous! My favorite stanza!

I saw him once, with their menacing eyes and their OK, so this stanza we run into some problems: 'him' implies one spider, then you say 'their'. 'Him' doesn't have 'their' eyes. It would be "I saw him once, with his menacing eyes, his eight long legs crawling towards me." OR, 'him' would have to be changed to 'them'...
Eight long legs crawling towards me. A hard shoe put an end
To his carefree life, and his blood seeped into the dry
Soil. Still his eyes locked onto my soul, like those of a friend. I don't like how you have 'soil' in the beginning of this line. I'd prefer it in the end of the previous. You sorta lose some imagery here, in this second stanza, but it's still good!

And now I see his kind’s art; beautiful, delicate. Enough to make Take out the 'and' in the beginning. and 'kind's' should be changed to " his kinds' "
Me wonder if it was this was the very web. The web that he had spun OK, read "Me wonder if it was this was the very web." Doesn't make sense right? You need to reword it. Probably was just a common typo. "Me wonder if this was his very own web." is an example of a rewording.
While he was still alive. I can remember the blood seeping into the ground,
So helpless. So careless I had been. But when all’s said and done...

His secret will never be known, hidden deep within the silken web,
I should never had treated him that way. We have no right to mess around K, you seem to have 'had' and 'have' in the wrong places. Give 'em a doce'-do, no?
With their secrets. Like the keys to doors. If the door is not ours,
We shouldn’t look for the key. Because it shouldn’t be found. Nice ending! While I don't exactly agree with what you're saying here, I like how it was written. "I should never have treated him that way" is a little boring though; maybe spice it up instead of stating your regret. Describe your feelings about being regretful instead, perhaps.

Alrighty, I am not sure I agree with the idea the poem portrays but it does flow very nicely. It has resonating quality that I like. (Read it twice because of this.) It also made me stop and think about all the spiders I have squashed... nope I really do not feel bad about squishing them. (So long as they are outside I let them be. I live in a barn *living quarters* full of spiders of all variates. For the most part we get along provided they do not crawl directly on me. Oh... and just so everyone knows I believe spiders understand English because I talk to them and they seem to understand me.)

Favorite part:

Translucent web drapes down, haunted with
Secrets of distant past.

First? This picture is really cool. Now on the actual poem, I thought this was pretty good as well. I've never really minded spiders and thought webs were pretty, so I like how you referred to it as "art." My one real problem comes when you full-out say "We human should leave nature alone." Commands like that, to me, just sound preachy. But then I also like some of the images you portray. So, I'm iffy on the poem but the picture's awesome.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver