Here comes another poem from the Crimster. This one sums up what happened to me today. Some may be able to relate to it, others may not. Critique please. Be warned, this poem is a horrible lump of fail, so I'd really like some help on how to improve it, thank you! (:
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139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
I liked it. It was very well written. However I don't understand what the monster is.
Thanks for the reviews.
Ooh! I love it! Kind of dark, a little mysterious. Fantastic!
Hello Crimsona!
Didn't you just have this posted under another title? Haha, anyway, I thought this poem was really good. I'd meant to review it earlier, but I got hungry, got up from the computer and consequently, forgot. But I'm back.
I wouldn't say that this "poem was a horrible lump of fail." In fact, I'd call it a win. There was just enough plot to get me interested, and the images and phrases you used really pulled me in further.
I could feel how it felt for you to want to do something to help your friend, but to be overpowered by the forces opposing you. We all feel helpless sometimes and this poem is a good illustration of one of those moments.
I also liked how there was very subtle rhyming going down throughout the poem. It isn't really visible so much in the grouping of the words, but when read, the lines flow in a way that signifies rhyme. I liked it. A lot. A lot, a lot.
I think my favorite lines were
The sounds of the words as you read them together just flow perfectly and the image itself is great.
There was one line that made me stumble and you might want to take a look at it. It's the last line in the poem.
"not looked back once to see" is rather awkward, is it not? I get that maybe you were trying to rhyme with "me" two lines previous, but maybe if you try "And in fear did I then flee." Or something. Ending with see makes me think "What, what did she not see?"
Well, that's about all I can offer in the way of poetic critiquing. Good luck!
Happy Writing!
Bailey