Okay, so I've only been back for a day or so but the sheer amount of poems and stories that I have seen on the topic of depression, self harm and suicide is heartbreaking. Firstly I'd like to say that I'm here for anyone who needs to talk. Secondly, it compelled me to write a poem; it's not well written, but I felt that maybe some of the users on here could do with a poem to tell them to keep going and keep fighting. Believe in yourself. Never give up.
Relapse
.
It’s when bitter tears turn to salty blood.
It’s when you open your first pack of Marlboro Gold’s in months.
It’s when you raise that glass of wine to your lips, knowing.
Knowing exactly what’s going to happen.
.
Recovering isn’t going to be easy, oh no.
It’s going to be tough, and you are going to have to be
Tough as nails. But boy, will it be worth it.
That perpetual mist will be lifted.
You will be able to see clearly again.
Strive for that. Strive for that flicker of light at the end of
That seemingly eternal tunnel.
Never be afraid to hold tightly onto a friend
And ask them if they know the way out.
.
Love. And never stop loving because love will open your eyes.
Love will help you to keep on fighting.
Hope. For hope is fear’s nemesis. Grab hope with two hands
And don’t you dare let her go.
Soon the fear will subside. All the walls of hatred and fear
That you have built around you will come tumbling down.
The smile that is so foreign to you will
Creep slowly back into that reflection in the mirror.
.
Recovery
.
It’s when the razor is no longer a weapon.
It’s when you notice that the smoke stings your eyes.
It’s when you put your hand up to say “No”, knowing.
Knowing that you are strong enough.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
So this was really, really good. A few lines were a little clunky, a little awkward but other than that, I don't really have a lot of nitpicks.
I like the last stanza especially, because I think it really brought home the message of hope you wanted to send!
This was a really short review but only because it was so good!
Overall, nine stars of ten. Great job!!
Thank you very much for your review! I might try and change a few of the more awkward lines at some stage. I'm very glad that it brought the message of hope home, that was this poem's intention and if I have done that then I feel that I have done a good job! Thanks again.
This is so nice! I noticed the whole yech thing too, but I mostly stay off of those poems...they make me sad to read them. I posted a poem about it too.
Anyway, nice story, nice subheadings, and nice intro. I really enjoyed the fact that though this poem didn't rhyme, it still flowed pretty easily, which some people don't seem to be able to do.
Some nitpicks:
1. "Recovery isn't going to be easy. Oh no." The first part of this line is fine, but though I know what you meant by 'Oh no.' it brought to mind 'Oh no! My shoe fell off,' or something else very trivial compared to the poems overlying theme. If you want, you can choose a different closing to that line, make it 'Recovery isn't going to be easy, oh no,' or if you want, you can just leave it the way it is.
2. This is really small, but I would rather you have just connected the poem rather then putting periods in between the lines.
3. I'm a hypocrite, because I do this two, but I would rather that if you had punctuation you should capitalize the sentences correctly, instead of just capitalizing every line.
Anyway, I really, really liked this poem, and hope it gets the message across to...somebody
Thank you for your review! I'll have to check out your poem.
You're completely right about the 'Oh no.' part, that will be changed immediately. Thanks again and I really hope that it does - it really is heartbreaking seeing poems about people hurting, I wish I could just give everyone a huge hug and tell them to keep going! But for now, conveying positivity through my poetry will have to do.