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War of Dawn - Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Stand Firm

Date: 1003 After Dawn, September 4th

Another month and half has passed since Hilda's first mission. She's been hard at work to strengthen herself, having gone back to the nonstop training regimen Ryouma had originally put her through. Things are far from ideal yet, as she still finds herself trembling when fighting Revenants, but she's gained enough focus to at least keep herself level-headed when engaging the creatures. She's already raided another seven small enclaves – none near populated regions, of course – with Ryouma and Vanessa. Thankfully, there haven't been any other close calls since the first.

Overall, Hilda's been capable of keeping her mind under control. During the day, at least. There are some nights where things take a turn for the worse, though, and this is one of them.

Hilda finds herself – a child, once again – amid an endless darkness, without anything or anyone around her. The only sound that can be heard is of her crying, quivering in fetal position. That changes quickly, however. From the dark, small red shapes emerge, roaring and moaning liked crazed beasts. They all turn and begin converging on her. She stumbles and runs away across the dark.

Tears stream down Hilda's eyes, fading into nothingness as they fall from her cheeks. Fear gripping her mind, she cries out: "No, no, no... Please, no...! Someone help! Please!!"

Her gasping, strained voice is occluded by the shapes' monstrous roars. There is no help but, in her path, she finds a simple bronze knife. The moment she picks it up, the creatures surround her. One steps out the group and shambles closer and closer. Hilda grips the knife firmly and attacks the shade. Her heart pounds as though it'll burst as the knife runs deep into the creature's chest.

Blackened blood pours off the wound but the shade quickly recovers. It grabs Hilda by the arm and pulls her close. Face-to-face with the creature, the red mist that hides its face fades away... and reveals Hilda herself. Her skin is rotted, flesh drooping off her bones, and she bears empty white eyes stuck in an insane glare.

Hilda screams in terror, her piercing voice echoing across the darkness, as her undead self grows and erupts into a red light. The light envelops everything and as Hilda is falling into its depths, she wakes up.

Shaking something awful, Hilda takes in a raspy breath – she's back in her room in Valarheim Keep. She rises off her bed and takes a look at the mirror at her cabinet. Indeed, nothing has happened. She's the same as always, aside from the cold sweat in her forehead and the tears in her eyes. Wiping her face clean with her bed's blanket, she lies back down and closes her eyes. This isn't the first time she's had this nightmare over the past few years and it likely won't be the last. She can't change what happened, so the best she can do is simply let it be.

She cannot go back to sleep, however. After an hour of trying to do so, Hilda gives up and decides to start her day earlier than usual. And it is a pretty simple day, initially. She'd been on a mission yesterday, so she's not expected to receive anything today. Thus, all the following hours are dedicated to eating breakfast and training. Training in the morning, training at noon and training in the early afternoon. Paula is nowhere to be found – likely busy with her job for Eliza – and Ryouma spends most of the day on assignments or training some High Scions.

That changes as the sun starts to set, however, as he sends Hilda a message asking if she'd accompany him on a "different kind of mission". She hasn't anything better to do so why not?

Ryouma's message said to meet him in the Hall of Soldiers if she agreed so she heads there straight away. No one is there yet, however. Maybe she got here faster than he expected, she figures. While waiting for him to arrive, she spots Alexandra coming in from the room with the Prime Gate Crystal.

There's a very tall man accompanying her, seemingly slightly older, and of quite the muscular build. Far more than Ryouma, even. His reddish brown stands short and unruly, like he never cared to comb it once in his life, contrasting with his sharp-featured, chiseled face. A diligently trimmed beard runs across his powerful jaw, tapering to a point at his chin.

Like Alexandra, he bears deep blue eyes that glow like rough sapphires. Also like her, it is a simple matter to find dozens of marks left on his body by what Hilda assumes to be years of combat. Of note is a pair of parallel scars that carve across his left cheek, starting at the cheekbone and down towards the base of the jaw.

"Ah, good afternoon, Hilda. How are you doing today?" Alexandra asks upon noticing her presence.

"I'm fine, Lady Alexandra... and Lord...?"

While Hilda doesn't know who this man is, she identifies the Ascended Scion-like brand in his forehead: three nested circles and, at the center, a pentagon with several lines cutting across it which, like an unusual snow-flake, come together in a shield-esque shape. Paula also has a pentagon on her forehead, though hers only has a single circle around it, which means...

"Ragnar Vanhanen, general of Lord Holfores, is who I am. Pleased to meet ya, missy," he says in a husky, soldierly voice.

"The pleasure's mine. I've wanted to meet you for a while now," Hilda answers, shaking Ragnar's hand when he extends it to her. His grip is as strong as his frame would suggest.

"That's my line," Ragnar chuckles. "Word 'round the grapevine is that Ryouma and Vanessa's new apprentices have a whole lot of potential."

"Thank you, Lord Ragnar. I've been trying my best."

"Good to hear – they also said you were hardworking. And drop that 'lord' business for just a 'sir', yeah?" he says with a quick wag of his eyebrows. "I get enough formality when I gotta tag along with Her Royal Majesty the Queen to court."

"If it serves as any consolation, you are the single most informal Count in said court," Alexandra interjects with a sly expression.

"And proudly so – those powdered wigs need a dose of reality every now and then. Speaking of, Hilda, they just gave me this fine bottle of scotch – what say you to joining me and Lexa for a pint at dinner?"

Hilda looks at the ground, her face blushes slightly and exuding a mix of embarrassment and worry. "Um... going drinking would be a... problem, sir."

"To say nothing of the fact that Greta would go ballistic if she caught you drinking anything heavier than beer in the dining hall," says Ryouma as he enters the room. "Or did you forget about the pig incident?"

"I assure you she hasn't, judging by the way she constantly glares at you two," Alexandra adds.

Hilda quickly turns to salute him. "He was the guy in that story, Shishou? And good afternoon."

"He told ya about it, eh? Well, that was a long time ago, Hilda," Ragnar says before giving a sideways look to Ryouma. "Though, I remember only wanting to eat when someone decided that stunt was a good idea."

"And I'm forever shamed by it," Ryouma says with a joking bow, before gesturing Hilda towards the Prime Gate Crystal. "Regardless, the two of us have a task to do, so we cannot walk down memory lane... though I wouldn't mind some of that scotch later."

"I'll save you a glass – in the Hall of Generals, just to be safe. Good luck, you two."

"May fortune be with you, Hilda," Alexandra says as the two siblings go their own way.

Hilda didn't expect the last General – brother to a Queen, even – to be Ryouma's drinking buddy and partner-in-pig-destruction. That said, she doesn't doubt that someone so strong is a mighty warrior as Ragnar could probably lift her above his head with just his pinky finger.

After quickly exchanging pleasantries with Wally, he opens up a portal leading to Outpost #25 which lies right in the middle of the southern region – close to where the frontiers of the southwestern and southeastern regions meet.

Unlike in previous missions to rout an enclave, the Scion in charge of the outpost isn't present to welcome them.

"Shishou, what exactly is this mission about? I reckon it's not an enclave if no one's here to brief us," she says.

"Indeed, this one is a bit different. We'll be heading straight north from here – I'll explain along the way."

Both Scions begin their track across the dusk-bathed tundra, the setting sun giving the snow a rather eerie red-orange color. This area isn't all too far away from Litnir, even, as Hilda can spot a familiar sight rising to the west - Holdir's Peak, tallest mountain in the southwestern region. The main road out of her town passes rather close to it. Four months have passed since she left and only now Hilda realizes that it's been a long while since she even thought about home. Between the new life to adapt to, the training, missions and more, her old life feels like it happened an eternity ago. Seeing Holdir's Peak, however, brings it back and makes her a bit homesick. What could Gustaff, Edda and all her friends be doing now? The best she can do now is hope they're trudging along just fine.

"We're headed to the city of Almdalir – are you familiar with it?" Ryouma speaks up, bringing her back to reality.

"Y-Yeah, sure. Biggest and richest city in the Northern Reaches and pretty much the only trade hub around. Also famous for being the regional center of the Zangari mafia."

"Precisely and, as a matter of fact, our mission involves said mafia," he answers, with the kind of nonchalant attitude Hilda would expect from someone going to town to pick up groceries.

Her jaw drops in disbelief, as she stares at him with a baffled gaze. "With the Zangari mafia... the Zangari mafia?"

This group is widely known as the largest criminal empire around, their area of influence encompassing most of Europe, Africa and parts of Asia. They have a reputation for being the absolute best smugglers in the world but also dabble in drug and weapons trade, espionage, assassination... pretty much anything if it pays well.

Hilda remembers miners in Litnir talking about the Zangari transport network and their port town of Garoar, by the southern coast, as the most reliable means of getting stuff in and out of the Northern Reaches - their ore included.

"Yes, the mafia, but before your eyes pop out of their socket, know that this isn't anything illegal." Ryouma smiles faintly and gestures for Hilda to relax. "Our Corps has always cooperated with anyone truly willing to help. Their businesses notwithstanding, the Zangaris often pass us good information regarding necromantic activities in their regions."

Hilda thinks this all sounds too simple to be true. "Just like that? No payback or anything?"

"The 'payback' is that the status quo isn't disturbed by a Dark Atrium emerging in one of their towns. In a sense, dealing with them is easier than dealing with politicians and royals because their priorities are so much simpler."

Hilda grunts a confirmation, slightly surprised by this revelation. Still, it's probably better to have as many allies as possible when you're dealing with an enemy like the Valnr. If these mobsters are really helping keep their towns – and the people within – safe from them, then she figures that's all that should matter to a Scion.

In about twenty minutes, Hilda and Ryouma reach the gateway to Almdalir, surrounded by a high stone wall surrounded by a large moat, its three towers standing over fifty meters tall. 'Almdalir's Three Eyes', they're known as, the dozen archers atop having a clear view of all around the city. Guards are set at each entry point, bearing shiny iron armor and armed with a golden spear and shield. None of this is too surprising to Hilda, of course, considering that a big city like this would make for a very interesting target to Valnr seeking a chunk of Prana.

What does surprise her, however, is how different this place is compared to the Litnir. Even in the days of the mining boom, she would still have been blown away. Several stone paved streets stretch out from the entrance, illuminated by polished steel lampposts, surrounded by grand and beautiful homes of stone and wood that ostentate meticulously designed gothic facades. 

Each stands at least two stories high, painted with vivid colors and fine glass windows. The walls display swerving, beautiful engravings of varying levels of complexity - works of art in and of themselves, fit to be handled by the snootiest marchand. Hilda never expected homes this pretty to exist in the Northern Reaches... she feels a slight pang of jealousy that the town has the funds to look like this.

Granted, the reason why they have this much money is clear as she steps down the town's main street: the entirety of it is comprised of a bustling market. There are shops as far as the eye can see, supplying pretty much whatever is needed: fruit stalls, grocers, butchers, armorers and weapon-smiths, tailors and cobblers, pubs, restaurants and so, so much more. Patrons and Salesmen walk to and fro, each draped in cloths finer than anything Hilda's ever seen before - each one gaudier and flashier than the next, as if to tell all who see it of the wearer's wealth.

The market itself is so booming that the noise of the chit-chat, the laughing, the bargaining going on in each shop gets Hilda's ears buzzing. Almdalir makes full use of its central position in the triple frontier of the south, southern and southwestern regions to rake in big money from trade to and from the Northern Reaches.

The Zangari mafia's dominance is clearly evident, however, with their members easily identified by small pendants depicting an eagle carrying a bag in its talons and a knife in its mouth. Right at the town's entrance, Hilda notices that the gate guards themselves proudly display bronze pendant pinned to their tabards. Making their way through the market, Ryouma brings her to a cozy wooden tavern inserted between two much larger constructions.

Within, she finds a place not too unlike Gustaff's bar during better times. Nice wooden tables and chairs covered in silky cloths, adorned by golden candlesticks and silverware. The plates themselves are of fine porcelain and, most important of all, the bar stand is wide and well-stocked with bottles at its back. As a musician plays away an upbeat song in a piano, a steady flow of loaded customers eat, drink and laugh without a care in the world. Of course, the movement means no time to rest for the waiters and waitresses, who scramble back and forth to keep everyone satisfied. Nostalgic, yes, but Hilda's glad to not be in their shoes during rush hour.

As Ryouma leads her towards the back, a Danish voice speaks out from the crowd. Hilda doesn't even need to see who it is, a wide, gasping smile forming on her lips as soon as she hears the voice.

"Well, I'll be damned! Hilda Solberg, in the flesh!" says a well-built man in about his late twenties, wearing a simple flannel shirt with woolen pants and a leather coat. His pronounced jaw sports a full beard that meshes with short blond hair so unruly, it looks like he'd just gotten off bed.

"Fred! What are you doing here?!" Hilda exclaims while giving him an eager hug.

"Came to town on business, as always," he says while looking over Hilda from head to toe. "Wow, you bulked up in these past few months!"

Hilda cracks an embarrassed smile at Fred's praise, tapping him in the shoulder lightly. "Aw, thanks, chief."

"Friend of yours?" Ryouma asks, talking in his accented English.

"Ah, yes - this is Frederik Anthonsen, chief of the Litnir mining guild. Fred, this is my superior in the corps: Ryouma Hirayama."

"Hey. Nice to meet you, man," Fred says, also switching to English and giving Ryouma a hearty handshake. "You're being good to the best girl in Litnir, yeah?"

"Of course. Hilda's young but shows great promise as Scion – your town has some fine people, if she's any example."

"You know it! Hey, you two got a sec? Let me buy you—" Fred's invitation is interrupted when a younger man – his assistant – comes over and whispers him something. "Ah, damn... I was gonna ask if you two wanted to grab a bite but the client showed up a bit earlier."

Hilda's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Ooh, a client? A new one?"

"Not just a new one – a big potential buyer. If this goes well, he could be taking every single gram of ore we dig up, even the trash!" Fred answers with obvious excitement in his voice.

Hilda's wide-eyed stare and gaping mouth also showcases the same feeling. "Are you serious? That's amazing!"

"I told you we could find someone, didn't I?" Fred smiles from ear to ear. "Alright, I better get to it. Sorry we couldn't speak much, Hilda."

"Oh, no, it's all good! But when you go back, could you give my best to Gustaff, Edda and everyone?"

Fred gives her an eager thumbs up. "'Course. But swing by when you've the time, yeah? Everyone misses you."

"I promise I will, chief. Good luck!"

As Frederik walks away, Ryouma sees Hilda's eyes alight with joy at the news. "I take it this'll give Litnir a much needed boost in its economy, hm?"

"Absolutely! If this client actually wants to buy the trash ore, the town could be on its way to making a comeback!"

"I confess I haven't kept up with the local trading news, so I might as well ask: 'trash ore'?" Ryouma shrugs before once again beckoning Hilda towards the back of the tavern.

"The thing that ruined Litnir's mines once they reached deep enough: ore that's just melded with this weird gunk. It's so bad that about four fifths of what they dig has it. We tried to find a way to separate them but nothing works – it sticks to the metal even when molten. It's pretty much useless for any metalworking, so it's trash."

"I'm no miner but I can't say I've ever heard of something like that... Odd," Ryouma says, making his way to a small wooden door in a tucked away corner. He knocks on it thrice, causing a slot to open.

"Who goes— Ah, Ryouma," says a man's voice. "Come in. The boss is waiting."

As the door opens and both Scions walk down the faintly lit stone steps towards the tavern's underground, Hilda can only think of Fred and his new buyer. Litnir being unable to sell most of its ore is what started the place's downward spiral. If someone is actually willing to buy everything, Hilda has half a mind to find that person and give him a huge hug. Despite how hopeless she'd previously deemed the situation, the thought that things could be turning around for her hometown is filling her with joy. Guess Fred's nonstop dedication is finally about to pay off.

At the bottom of the stairs, what Hilda finds is not your usual tavern basement. The whole place has been dug out into a very wide open room housing an intricate smuggling operation. Piles upon piles of crates, barrels, bags and the like lie about the ground, as dozens of works dash between it all. Catwalks run atop the wall, where overseers keep a meticulous accounting of everything present; guards watch everything like hawks, bearing their crossbows to make sure no one gets any clever ideas to steal the cargo. On the far side, pulleys drag the goods onto many wagons that set off through an underground tunnel.

Walking across the catwalk, Ryouma brings Hilda to an isolated room embedded in the bedrock. Said room is closed behind a rather fine looking door of polished wood, with the golden emblem of the mafia emblazoned front and center. Two men are standing guard beside it but they immediately open the door as Ryouma approaches.

The office looks as rough-made as the rest of the operation but it's certainly received more attention to details. All surfaces have been smoothed out with wooden planks, shelves dot the wall carrying several books and scrolls, containing what Hilda figures are secrets she'd rather not know.

"Evening, Ryouma. Glad you got my message," says a woman sitting cross-legged atop a very wide, comfortable couch with a pile of papers on her lap.

Appearing to be around her mid-thirties, her rugged features contrast with her sapphire eyes and glistening blonde hair that she keeps in a ponytail. She wears a golden Zangari pendant around her neck, grey woolen pants and a white, sleeveless cotton top. Despite the cold outside, the underground is rather warm from all the candles used to keep the place lit.

"That your new apprentice? I heard you'd been busy training someone," she says in flawless English, her voice carrying a calm but rock-steady tone. Hilda winces upon hearing this, surprised that a nobody - for a Scion - like her had apparently caught the eye of criminals.

"Such are the duties of elderly, Madam. Hilda, meet Maria Bauer, the Zangari's regional leader for the entire Northern Reaches," Ryouma introduces her like he would an old friend.

"Good to meet you, girl, but I'll have to skip the pleasantries. I called you here because I need your help with something, Ryouma," Maria answers firmly, setting her documents aside to stand up and face Ryouma head-on. "One of my girls has been kidnapped – likely by Valnr or their pet dogs – and I want you to bring her back."

Ryouma stands unflinching, probably used to dealing with her. "You seem very certain. How do you know it's actual kidnapping or that the Valnr are behind it? Our people haven't heard of anything happening in this area for while now."

"It's a kidnapping 'cause there's no way she'd have just vanished and I know it's the Valnr 'cause no one else would be insane enough to take one of my own. And we both know your people can't sniff out trouble faster than mine in this city," Maria fires back.

She keeps herself firm but one needs only look at her flaring eyes, her clenched jaw or the small, pulsating veins in her neck to see her suppressed anger and worry. Were this a normal kidnapping, Hilda can only imagine the hell she'd unleash on the culprit.

Ryouma stays silent for a moment, pondering her request, before finally answering back. "You're not offering much by way of evidence... but your intel has served us well before. Face possibility that the Valnr could be close to such a densely populated area, it is probably best to err on side of caution."

"Good, then you should go right away. Come with me," Maria says, kicking her office's door open and beckoning the two Scions into the cargo area. "You'll be looking for an eleven year-old girl called Leona – Lil' Leona, some call her. It was supposed to be an easy job, guiding a couple of fellows to the other end of our tunnels, but they never got there."

"What kind of 'fellows'?" Hilda wonders aloud.

"The kind you don't ask questions about," Maria fires back, quickly making her bite her lip meekly. "Now, those men have little cash to their name so I don't give a damn about them, but Leona is loved by a lot of people here, myself included."

At the other end of the catwalk, Maria takes Ryouma and Hilda down a spiraling set of stairs. At the bottom, they're right at the entrance of the tunnel the mafia's using to transport their goods and hands him a small map showcasing the path the missing group was meant to take.

"Take this so you know where to go. Some of my people spotted her wagon at about halfway through their path, so that's where you oughta start. Open up!" she yells at her people who raise a large metal gateway blocking access to the tunnel itself. "Bring her back to us in one piece, Ryouma, and make sure the Valnr suffer."

"We'll do everything we can, Maria. Let's go, Hilda."

With that, Ryouma gives Maria a confident nod and both Scions set out. For about the first kilometer leading off the mafia's hideout, the tunnel itself seems of rather crude make. It's wide enough for a pair of wagons to walk side-by-side but has been haphazardly excavated, with supports placed all over the place just to keep it all steady. A couple of workers can even be seen reinforcing said supports.

"Yow. Maria seemed ready to kill something back there – she probably would, in her case," Hilda says, after taking a quick look to make sure they're far from any of her people.

"She often takes in street kids and raises them as her own. You know what they say about 'mama bears'," Ryouma explains.

"A mobster that takes care of urchins... now that's something."

"Maybe she's looking for some karmic balance. Or maybe she's just a giving soul... so to speak," he answers with a shrug. "Regardless, what matters now is that there's a potentially kidnapped child out there."

Continuing down the tunnel for a few more moments, the crude construction suddenly opens into a passageway built by people with a whole lot more know-how: very tall and probably wide enough that you could fit five large wagons side-by-side. Unlike the previous section, is made completely of polished dark stones that look like they could withstand anything. Torches are set along the path to illuminate it, likely put there by the Zangaris. One thing that catches Hilda's attention are several complex, albeit faded, markings on the walls which glow a soft blue. It all looks so very old and, yet, Hilda would wager that this is better made than any other underground passage in the world.

As Ryouma leads the way by Maria's map, Hilda gaze swerves across the tunnel, amazed with the sight of it all. "What is this place, Shishou...? The Zangaris didn't make it, did they?"

"Not at all. These are ruins of the ancient Qusam civilization, the sovereigns of the Northern Reaches and most of Europe a thousand years ago. With vast knowledge in magic, their influence spread across the globe and they connected all their cities with massive network of tunnels such as these, stretching even across the ocean."

Hilda is very impressed – the best we have right now to cross the seas are the usual galleons – but something quickly strikes her as odd. "Wow, they must've been something else... but, then, what happened to them? This is my first time hearing anything about any Qusam."

"That's a question for the ages as they simply vanished during the War of Twilight. Archaeologists and historians have a theory that the Valnr destroyed most of their civilization and population, making recovery impossible," Ryouma says, shaking his head. "Information from that era is sparse, even in our own records, but some of their constructions remain solid, as you can see."

"And, then, the Zangaris took a look at all this and decided to use it to haul their stuff around? Those Qusam must be rolling in their graves," Hilda scoffs.

"Well, the mafia must have gone through a lot of trouble to restore and map large chunks of these tunnels – the network is like an enormous labyrinth. So, they're just collecting the fruits of their hard work."

Hilda feels a bit bad for the dead folks that the stuff they built has been re-purposed by criminals. Still, at the end of the day, it is what it is. She already has enough to think about as a Scion to go and add this to the pile. Hilda and Ryouma keep on following the map traced by Maria, going up and down, left and right through nigh-identical tunnels and it doesn't take long for her to be unable to remember the path they took. The mafia has placed markers in several key locations, thankfully, because it would probably be impossible to navigate this without them.

After about half an hour of travel, past the halfway point where the missing wagon was last spotted, Ryouma stops in his tracks.

"...Maria was right. Leona and her charges were very likely taken by the Valnr," he says with his eyes closed. "Take a look – down there."

Ryouma points out towards the ground before them, so Hilda does as he says and casts the Sight glyph to see if anything stands out. As the familiar white light of the flow of Prana appears before her darkened gaze, she does find several red spots about fifteen meters below them and to the east.

"Hmm, yeah. There are, what, about sixty Revenants and five Drones," she reports. "How are we gonna get down there?

"We'll have to go off the beaten path – at least enough to get us a bit closer to where the enclave should be."

Hilda looks at Ryouma with a worried expression. "If it's an enclave, you think there's a pylon? It activating around here might reach Almdalir."

"Neither we nor our scouts have sensed any distortion in the flow of Prana. So either they haven't one – and are capturing people to be sacrificed at other enclaves – or the thing's charge isn't very far along. Regardless, that's all the more reason for us to rescue those captives quickly. Come."

Ryouma and Hilda move towards the nearest exit from their currently location and start trying to find the right path towards the enclave. With no torches placed in these parts, Ryouma and Hilda both conjure small, floating spheres of fire and lightning to illuminate their path. Maria's map doesn't include these tunnels, so they're forced to rely on the location of the Valnr as their only point of reference. It takes a while but they eventually find what looks like a large stairwell leading down through several floors.

Ryouma takes a look at the tunnels in front of them and starts stroking his goatee. "Hmm... we're now on the same level as the enclave. Let's see if I can't speed this up."

"Got a plan?"

"Just an idea to spare us any further annoyance," he answers before conjuring an incredibly bright flame in his right hand. Hilda can't even look at it directly but she sees Ryouma use it to melt a hole through the wall in front just wide enough for them to pass through. With that, it only takes a few more minutes before they find themselves much closer to where the Valnr seem to be located.

"Thank you for that," Hilda sighs in relief.

Ryouma nods with a smile and, upon confirming the presence of Revenants a few meters ahead, starts whispering orders. "Alright, our priority is seeing those captives rescued safely but we don't know where they are. If there's a pylon, it's possible the Valnr Drones will try to execute them once they realize we're here. We'll have to split up in order to find them ASAP."

"You really sure about this?" she asks, worried.

"Yes, I'll go in first to draw most of their attention while you go around the opposite path. Strike down whatever gets in your way and, if you locate the captives, inform me with this," Ryouma says, taking a small red Comm Crystal from his pocket and handing it to Hilda. "Give me a few seconds' head start and then go in."

"Aye, aye."

With that, Ryouma transforms into his samurai attire and heads down the corner, towards the enclave. He enters the area at such blinding speed that before the nearby Revenants even realize his presence, he's already unleashing a second tier glyph. Dozens of spear-like flames materialize in a circle above his head. With a motion of his hand, they rain down and skewer every nearby foe.

"Iza mairu! All you fiends shall be reduced to mere rust upon my blade!" Ryouma yells at the top of his voice. He sets off deeper into the area, carving all in his path with his massive Zanbato. Shrieks start echoing through the tunnels as the Revenants react to his taunt. Seems like he's their full attention, so it's time for Hilda to get going.

With a quick Haste glyph, she sets out into the enclave. Ryouma's offensive has left the initial area completely empty, so no problems there. That said, Scions can't sense the presence of common humans, so Hilda has to start combing through everything at random.

Just gotta hope I run into the hostages first, she thinks.

No such luck, unfortunately. As she checks room after room, she winds up running into a couple of straggling Revenants. It takes a while for them to realize her presence though. Conversely, she's gotten pretty good with her spellcasting - time for the standard one-two punch. As the closest Revenant turns to face her, Hilda's already charged a Wave spell and a quick rising motion of her hand sends it upwards. It's stunned and, soon, it's dead as a single slash sends a streak of lightning that slices it in two.

The other Revenant's already closed in but Hilda's seen it coming. It's claw swipes bounce against the Shield she springs forth. Bashing it away, the monster reels back. Its head is lopped right off at this opening. Continuing down the enclave's tunnels, the noise of combat has drawn the attention of gaggle of Revenants. There are few of them but they're coming in one at a time. No problem.

The first charges madly at her, only to find itself on the receiving end of a Burst spell. The thing doesn't get to do much outside of growling at the gaping hole that's blown in its chest. In comes another, going for a jumping attack. Hilda dodges right behind it, countering with a swift bisecting slash at its waist. Two attack at once, swinging uncontrollably at her. It avails them not, as Hilda dodges or parries one after another. The more she fights these things, the more predictable their unhinged movements become. She pops a Wave front and center, blasting them away.

"I got you now!"

Hilda brings the sword behind her right shoulder and swings down and to the left. The unleashed streak of lightning flies through the room and the angle is good. Its edges connects with both Revenants, tearing them apart in one go.

As the combat subsides for a moment, Hilda hears an agitated child's voice calling out from a nearby tunnel: "Hallo? Ist jemand hier?!".

"Leona?!" Hilda calls out.

"Hier! Hilfe!"

Heading deeper into the tunnel, Hilda follows the voice and finds a wide room with a large cage tucked inside a wall. Within, there are two knocked out men and a young girl with long brown hair and green eyes, wearing a plain blue dress.

"Hilfe!" she cries out, reaching through the bars of her cage. Of course, there's an issue with the fact that the girl is speaking German and Hilda never got around to learning that language back in Litnir.

"Back! Get back!" she says, gesturing madly towards the girl and pointing towards the farther end of the cage. Leona seems to understand and moves away. With that, Hilda takes position before the cage. With a couple of well-placed slashes, she cuts away a section of the bars and steps inside.

"Shishou! I found all three captives – Leona is safe and the people with her are injured but alive!" she reports into the Comm Crystal.

"Good, I'll be there soon. Hold on for a bit," Ryouma answers back through the crystal.

Hilda lets out a sigh of relief, as Leona runs over and, in tears, grabs onto her waist. She kneels down and tries taking a better look at the girl – there doesn't seem to be any wounds, thankfully.

"There, there. You're safe," she says, drying Leona's tears and trying her best to sound motherly like Alexandra.

"You... Scion...?" Leona asks amid many hiccups.

"Ah? You know English?"

"Maria... she teach," she answers with a heavy German accent, struggling with the words.

"Heh, I guess we're both learners," Hilda chuckles while straightening Leona's hair. "My name is Hilda, 'Lil' Leona'. And, yes, I am a Scion."

"Hi, Hilda... Me—" Leona starts greeting her faintly but stops halfway through.

Leona's face contorts in fear, growing pale as her gaze fixates onto something behind Hilda. She turns her head and spotting a person down the hallway, her own eyes widen and her heart feels as though its being crushed. It is a tall, strong woman of wavy, snow-white hair and skin, wearing blackened leather armor and staring right at them with a pair of empty, glowing red eyes.

"Leona...! Stay here!" she says, pushing the child to the back of the cage before setting outside and blocking the Valnr's path. It stares at her with an emotionless expression, merely drawing an ebony longsword and preparing to attack.

Hilda still hadn't fought against one of these – too dangerous, Ryouma said. However, he isn't here yet and Hilda has no Gate Crystal Shard to escape with the captives. Looking into its vacant red eyes, she sees not the insane hunger or killer intent of the Revenants. In fact, she doesn't see anything – it feels like looking into an endless red void that is reaching over to her soul, seeking to take all that she is into its nothingness.

The same primordial fear she felt when first looking at a Dark Atrium spreads throughout her body which starts quivering once more. Something deep within yells for her to run as this creature would not just kill her but, also, undo her very being. Hilda does not run, however; she gives the crying Leona a sideways glance and knows she couldn't bear to do so. She swore to Ryouma, Vanessa, Owen and to herself that she'd be worthy of the duty placed upon her – that she'd be as a bulwark to defend mankind against the Valnr threat. And, right now, she is the only thing keeping this child and two other men from being killed.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Hilda tightens the grip on her sword, grits her teeth and prepares to stand her ground. "Ichiisenshin...! Come on!"

Comments & reviews · 3
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Megrim
Review
Megrim wrote a review · Wed Sep 07, 2016 5:25 pm

Continuing on! I want to note that I totally agree with everything Mea says.

Here are the "plot thoughts" I wrote down as I read:
- I like her face appearing on the shade in the dream.
- The new ore buyer sounds fishy... probably Valnr. I'll bet that "trash" ore has an unknown (magical?) use that he wants to use to destroy the world or something. Probably buying all the ore because he wants the trash ore but doesn't want to make it look suspicious.
- Why didn't Ryouma have the foresight to give her some gate crystal shards for a quick escape?

I have two "broader" issues I noted down as well:

1. Maybe some of my issues with the fight scenes (this one, the last chapter, the training fights), is that they don't serve a lot of purpose? I feel like they're fun and flashy but they don't do as much for us as they could. For example, in this chapter, she hacks down a whole bunch of undead, in several long descriptive paragraphs, but on the other side of the fight nothing has changed with regards to plot, character, or setting.

Check out this lecture on fight scenes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyTrlsu ... C&index=61
One of the most important quotes - "The blow-by-blow is almost irrelevant."

2. Maybe one of the troubles I'm having with the overall plot is that it's a series of disjointed events, as opposed to one connected plot with inertia carrying us between scenes. The chapters take place weeks to months apart, and they're each an isolated event that shows some growth in Hilda (which is kind of what I was getting at last chapter - Hilda's characterization is the only connection). I feel like I keep wanting some thread to tie it all together and pull me forward.

And then I had 2 prose-level examples:

1. I've mentioned you can be tighter overall with your words. Words are worth their weight and gold and you want to be careful how you spend them, don't waste them on anything you don't have to. Here's a paragraph I pulled out that makes a good example for how you can tighten overall:

Shaking something awful, Hilda takes in a raspy breath – she's back in her room in Valarheim Keep. She rises off her bed and takes a look at the mirror at her cabinet. Indeed, nothing has happened. She's the same as always, aside from the cold sweat in her forehead and the tears in her eyes. Wiping her face clean with her bed's blanket, she lies back down and closes her eyes.


"Shaking, Hilda takes in a raspy breath - she's back in her room in Valarheim Keep. She sits up to check the mirror at her cabinet, and finds she's unchanged other than the cold sweat and the tears in her eyes. Wiping her face with the blanket, she lies back down and closes her eyes."

Lots of words you can cut out without actually changing any meanings. Hence, tighter prose.

2. Here's an example of infodumping that I don't think you need. This stuff can be shown/implied as opposed to explained, because we go into the city and feel it all come alive, and can also infer a lot of it from what we already understand:

"Yes, the mafia, but before your eyes pop out of their socket, know that this isn't anything illegal." Ryouma smiles faintly and gestures for Hilda to relax. "Our Corps has always cooperated with anyone truly willing to help. Their businesses notwithstanding, the Zangaris often pass us good information regarding necromantic activities in their regions."
...
"The 'payback' is that the status quo isn't disturbed by a Dark Atrium emerging in one of their towns. In a sense, dealing with them is easier than dealing with politicians and royals because their priorities are so much simpler."

I've kept the prose issues and infodumping in mind but I'll be going over it after the rest of this first book closes off. Simpler to do it that way, right?

And that's a nice video you posted - I ought to save it for future reference!

Yeah definitely, usually better to write full through then come back and edit.

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Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Mon Jun 13, 2016 3:49 am

All right! I'm finally caught up and ready to start reviewing.

So, it's good to see that she's making progress and is already actually starting to go on missions. I also like that she's starting to see Owen's point of view and realizing she isn't that battle-ready.

I also think it's great that the Scions are accepting information even from mobsters - it does a good job of indirectly conveying how scary the Valnr must be.

Something I've noticed overall is that the world isn't vivid to me. You spend very little time describing how things looks, and you almost never mention how places smell or the sounds that Hilda can hear. It's a common problem in writing that's usually called "white room syndrome" - that is, your characters might as well be talking in a blank room. It just makes everything a little less interesting. Even when you do describe things - and I'm not sure why - but it just doesn't pique my interest in the place. I think it may be because you describe it so straightforwardly, usually in just one or two sentences, without using evocative words that create mood. Something that would help would be to include Hilda's reactions to how the place looks.

Also, in general, I'm finding that your battle scenes lack tension and they don't feel fast-paced. I'm not an expert at how to set the mood of a scene, but this is a very good article that I think really addresses the problems I'm seeing here: Breathing emotion into scenes In addition, a good way to make things feel fast-paced is to write short, snappy sentences instead of long ones, and to keep your paragraphs short. For example:

"She froze. The man was right there, walking towards her easily. Her back was against the wall. There was no way to escape."

conveys more tension than

"She froze. The man was right there, walking towards her easily because he knew her back was against the wall and there was no way to escape."

Also, how is Hilda feeling during the battle, while she's actually fighting?

I think I'll just say one last thing - your exposition all feels the same, regardless of the person who's telling Hilda about whatever it is. This is both boring and unrealistic - everyone has different biases and different ways they present information. Try not to make it sound like they're reading from a textbook. (It's not too bad, but sometimes it sounds like they are.) In reality, people don't always use the formal terms for things - think if someone asked you to describe how your immune system worked. You probably wouldn't say "Oh, the lymphocytes use antibodies to cause the pathogens to agglutinate...," you'd say "Oh, the white blood cells attack and kill the germs." While this doesn't always apply because she is learning in a formal context, it is a good things to remember. It's a similar thing to what I said in my previous review about Ryouma's and Alexandra's voices sounding the same.

And that's all I've got for this chapter!

I totally get what you're saying about the world. Problem is there isn't a whole lot to talk about in tundra so far up to the north (say Greenland). Have you seen pictures of it? It's snow, dirt and bushes. Hard to make that vivid...

But, taking another read, I admit I could've given Almdalir itself a more thorough look-around.
Same for the battle scenes, as mentioned by you and Skins below. I've been procrastinating on rewriting and making them snappier. I'll take care of these ASAP.

As for the voices, I've tried differentiating Ryouma and Alexandra as much as I can (he tends to be more playful, for instance)... but, at the end of the day, their personalities have a similar core. Both are wise, dutiful people, you know? Unlike Ragnar and Maria, for instance, who I got to make rougher characters, they'll be prone to speaking in similar ways.

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Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review · Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:27 pm

Hey there! I'ma actually here early for once :P

his sharp-featured face bears an anchor beard and, like Alexandra, he had deep blue eyes.

Tense slip up!

Paula also has a pentagon on her forehead, which means…

Wait, so does that mean Paula is an Ascended-scon?? Surely, she's way too young and inexperienced? Or am I just being dumb..? Probably, in fairness.

“Hmm… we’re now on the same level as the enclave. Let’s see if I can’t speed this up.”

Do you mean, Let's see if I can speed this up"?

CLIFFHANGER. No, but seriously, the ending of this chapter was awesome. I'm such a sucker for a good cliffhanger, and you've not had heaps of cliffhangers so far at the end of chapters and what not, so this pleases me greatly. That's not to say your chapters don't usually end intriguingly or anything, of course, I just like me a good cliffhanger :P I like the idea of this mafia too, it adds an interesting twist to things and builds upon the world you've created in this novel. It's nice, too, because it wasn't at all info-dumpy. You made the idea of them make sense without just telling us about them, and instead, showed them to us. Massive thumbs up for that. The quality, in regards to technicalities, is as lovely as ever. You had some slip-ups, which I noted above, but certainly not anything worth stressing over.

I don't have heaps for you in regards to critiques today, so please do bear with me. I mean, it's a good thing on your part because it means you've done a good job! A smallish thing that bothered me a little here was Maria's character. You kept saying she was super angry and what not, but she didn't really seem it. Her dialogue showed it decently (with the whole make sure they suffer comments) which was great, but I kind of want more. I want to feel her anger, not just know about it. I don't know if you made her seem quite calm on purpose, but she seemed a bit too calm for an apparently angry person. Just show her anger a bit more, instead of talking about it, y'know? I think at one point Hilda acknowledged anger in her eyes, but that's a bit bland. How did she sense this anger? Was her jaw clenched? Her hands clasped tightly together? Her body stiff? Was her voice harsh? Show us her anger, don't just tell us about it!

Something else I can't help wondering are the Valnr's intentions with this kidnapping. It's not really clear why they've done this. Is it to threaten or scare the mafia? Are hostages useful to them for any reason? Do they kidnap people to lure Scions, so that they can kill them? Does it happen regularly? I have quite a lot of questions regarding the intentions and benefits of this sort of kidnapping atm, and it's probably just because I'm a nosey little swine in fairness, but it would be cool to know a bit more detail about this. I'm a little fearful you explained it clearly and I just missed it/my swiss cheese brain forgot the details. If not, I would suggest making this stuff a bit more clear. You don't have to state anything obviously or matter-of-factly, just add a little more clarity.

Aaaaaand that's it! I feel I've been somewhat useless in this review, but hopefully not. It's going to be super interesting to see how Hilda deals with this Valnr, and I think we have some very intense scenes coming up! As always, you know where to find me if you've got any questions or comments regarding this review.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

The Valnr kidnap people in order to sacrifice them to the pylon's - the Prana inside humans is used to speed up the activation of the Dark Atrium. Ryouma explained that to Hilda on chapter 5 and it's their standard M.O.

And I kinda wanted to make Maria as someone who keeps herself controlled, which is why I didn't have her foaming at the mouth. She's pissed but she knows foaming at the mouth won't help sort things out.

As for Scion brands, every brigade has their own "baseline" symbol and even Novitiates have them. As a Scion of Holfores, both Paula and Ragnar would have one BUT what distinguishes the Scion's rank is the number of circles that surround said symbol and the overall complexity of the brand.

A Novitiate, like Paula, has one circle surrounding her pentagon. Ragnar, an Ascended Scion, has three. A High Scion would have two.
To sum it up, just look at the number of circles to see the level of Scion you're dealing with.

As for that usage of "can't" that you pointed out, it's a known idiomatic use. The "can't" is used in as a way to stress that you're going to try doing something.

And I'm glad you're enjoying this!



A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles