z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

War of Dawn - Chapter 7

by Costa


Chapter 7: Set Off to Battle

Date: 1003 After Dawn, July 14th

It is half past midnight and Hilda's having trouble falling asleep; come morning, she'll be officially added to the rotation of Scions and could well be sent into her first assignment. Despite the curfew, she can't stand to toss and turn on her bed for any other minute, so she sneaks out the window in front of her room and moves onto Valarheim's roof with the help of the Haste glyph – which she can now finally cast in three seconds.

It is a calm night and while the Paling shines above, Hilda can still get a good look at the stars. It has been years since the last time she actually stopped and gazed at this. Taking a deep breath, she ponders all that's happened in these past two months.

"Are you watching, I wonder...?" she talks to herself. "From a waitress to a Scion strong enough to hunt undead... 'twist of fate' doesn't even begin to describe this."

Hilda closes her eyes and recalls a very dear person: a tall, strong man of chestnut-colored eyes and short, silvery hair; his sharp featured face exuding an air of happiness and confidence.

A hint of pain spreads across Hilda's face. "It really should be you in here, Henrik..."

She's brought back to reality when she hears someone landing behind her. Hilda turns her head to see Vanessa watching.

"Going stargazing, are we? You know curfew started a few hours ago," she says with her usual smile.

"L-Lady Vanessa, I was just...!" Hilda blusters, pulling herself off the ground.

"Relax. I couldn't sleep the night before my first mission, either," she laughs, sitting next to Hilda. "How are you feeling?"

"...Worried and scared, mostly."

Vanessa places her hand on Hilda's shoulder. "Why? You've been training nonstop for these past months and both Ryouma and I agree that you're ready for this."

"Well, I'm not so sure. I keep thinking of ways that I could mess up and then—" Hilda says, hugging her knees and resting her chin atop them, before being interrupted by Vanessa.

"Everyone can make mistakes – but the good thing is that we've people around to help when that happens. Ryouma and Owen will be there and you can bet they'll have your back."

Hilda's face immediately contorts, as she lets out a long sigh. "Owen... great. If you're trying to calm me down, saying that is seriously not helping."

"Hmm, yes. I've heard that you two have been at each other's throats. He's got a sharp tongue, I'll give you that, but I swear that he means the best for everyone," she answers with a nod.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure he's all sunshine and rainbows behind that attitude of his," Hilda sniffs, dubious.

"Hah, let's not go that far," Vanessa snickers. "But believe me when I say that he's that harsh on everyone – himself included – because he cares a lot. For that matter, I can tell that you do, too, which is why I know you'll do great tomorrow and beyond."

Hilda breaks out a faint smile at this. "Thanks. I swear I'll do my best."

"Attagirl," Vanessa says, with a hearty tap on Hilda's back. "Don't worry about Owen – he'll come around eventually. 'Til then, focus on doing your mission and watching over your comrades and, at the very least, he'll do the same. Got it?"

"Alright, I'll keep that in mind."

"Good. Now, you really should go back to your room and get some rest while you can – things'll be very busy tomorrow," Vanessa happily proclaims, shooing Hilda off the roof.

"I'm going, I'm going!" she says, casting the Haste glyph. "Thanks for the talk, ma'am."

"If you're thankful, don't call me 'ma'am' – it makes me sound eighty years old. 'Vanessa' will do just fine!"

"OK, then. Good night, Vanessa," Hilda smiles before running off the roof and back through her window. That conversation really did help her relax a bit and it doesn't take long for her to be sound asleep.

The following day, she wakes up with most of the other Scions at six in the morning - Ryouma's allowed her to get a couple more hours of sleep. Being in the rotation for deployment doesn't change a Scion's day-to-day life, though; it just means that, whenever a mission crops up, he could be sent into the field. With that in mind, Hilda goes about things like any other day: taking a bath and immediately heading out to train.

Neither Ryouma nor a replacement are in the usual spot today – likely busy with something else – so she gets busy practicing new basic spells by her lonesome. Aside from the previous three she'd already memorized, Hilda now works on the Wave and Burst glyphs: lone circles with, respectively, a rightward zig-zag or four diamonds facing cardinal directions. The first is a surge of electricity that rises from the ground and the second is, true to its name, a small, directed explosion at close range. The latter is the very spell that Alexandra used to bash her Shield aside when they were training, so Hilda has a vested interest in understanding it.

It's not the fanciest training but it helps Hilda keep herself busy and not let her nerves get the better of her again. It would be preferable to have someone to spar with but Paula is nowhere to be seen this morning and, Vanessa's words notwithstanding, Hilda isn't about to ask Owen for help – he would probably tell her to take a hike, anyway.

She trains spells about two and half hours, taking advantage of the fact that there's no Ascended Scion breathing down her neck to keep things at a slightly slower pace than usual. Right as she's starting her standard sword drills, however, a portal of dark energy twists opens beneath her feet without any warning.

Before she realizes what's going on, there's a bright flash of light and she finds herself at some office. The floor and walls follow the same standard as the rest of Valarheim – wooden and with dark red silk wallpaper. There are also a couple of bookshelves containing many big books, plus a map of the Northern Reaches and the Corps of Scions' battle standard hanging from the wall, by a large window that overlooks the outside tundra. In front of Hilda is the office's door, with a small table and padded chair set beside it; as her eyes adjust to the environment, she sees Paula sitting at said table, silently waving her "hello".

Hilda, confused as to what just happened, slowly raises her hand to greet her back but is interrupted when a voice speaks out from behind her - a familiar, incredibly strict-sounding voice. "Novitiate Hilda Solberg, put your weapon away and take a seat."

Hilda turns to see a mighty wooden table with a couple of padded chairs facing towards it; behind the table lies an average-sized, fit woman emanating the aura of a giant. It is not outright menacing but just looking at her makes Hilda feel like a pebble face a mountain. Power emanates from every inch off her body and, paired with her very no-nonsense attitude, causes Hilda to tense up almost immediately. It's like even a false move would cause her to be crushed by the commandant's presence.

She's wearing a pair of regular black pants, a red garb of long sleeves with a lighter red undershirt and long black vest – decorated with golden stitching – that runs down to her legs and is held around her waist by a simple black belt. Her straight dark hair frames her face and is trimmed just above the base of her ivory-skinned neck, a single strand of hair hanging across her forehead.

Every part of her face is hidden behind a simple white marble mask but, despite that, Hilda can still feel her piercing gaze running her across like a shish kebab. She manages to get her thoughts in order just enough to command her stiffened bones to salute and sit down on one of the chairs.

"We've never had a chance to speak directly, so I wanted to correct that before sending you on your first assignment. As Ryouma told you, I am Eliza McCready, commandant of the Corps of Scions. A pleasure to meet you," she says, her hands crossed on her table.

"Th-the pleasure is mine... ma'am!" Hilda tries answering naturally but her throat feels completely dry.

"You have been in training for the past two months and, from what has been reported, have successfully dispatched Revenant-like elementals. Ryouma, Vanessa and Alexandra all speak highly of you and they agreed that it is time to send you into the field," Eliza continues, ignoring how tense the girl is. "A small enclave has been found in the southeastern region, so you'll be heading there with Ryouma and Owen Kendrick to dispatch it. They've already been briefed, so you may direct any questions to them. Understood?"

"Y-yes, ma'am!"

"This will mark the proper start of your activities as a Scion. I trust you already have a firm grasp on what's at stake, so I will simply wish you a lengthy and victorious career. Go – you're awaited in the Hall of Soldiers." Eliza waves towards the door and it opens straight away; likely some elemental manipulation but Hilda wouldn't be surprised if the very furniture was afraid to disobey her.

Hilda reflexively salutes once more and rushes out, eager to get away from the commandant's oppressive aura. As the door closes behind her, Paula continues fiddling with the papers before her. It is unlikely Hilda'll run back in with how she left but, just in case, she waits a little bit before speaking up.

Once she's sure that she's gone, Paula turns to the busy Eliza. "So, what do you think of her?"

"She's wet behind her ears and bursting with uncertainty... That being said, there's something of a spark in her eyes. We'll see whether she'll rise to the occasion or be overwhelmed by it all," she answers, calm and uncaring, already grabbing a quill to start working through the huge pile of documents beside her. "The same goes for Vanessa's Novitiate – that boy could just as easily fail to live up to his potential."

"Lords Orlen and Taserus certainly know how to pick their recruits, hm?" Paula comments while handing reports that Eliza starts reading, despite her mask.

"Such are the Altr. Regardless, if they prove themselves half as capable as Ryouma and Vanessa, I'll already be satisfied... wasteful though it would be."

Out in the main corridor of Valarheim, Hilda is running over to the Hall of Soldiers while doing her best to shake off the effects of Eliza's surprise conversation – that woman could probably turn even the gruffest miner salute into an a mewling, obedient child. As she passes by the entrance to the dining hall, Hilda does wonder whether Eliza or Greta could make each other flinch... assuming the world would survive such a confrontation, that is.

When she reaches the Hall of Soldiers, both men are already waiting for her.

"Good morning, Hilda. I presume Lady Eliza invited you over for a conversation?" Ryouma asks.

"Oh, did she ever..." Hilda answers, exhaling sharply. "But never mind that. She said there was a mission for me to help with?"

"Indeed. A small enclave by the southeastern region – a perfect fit for your first assignment."

"What he means to say is that it is nigh-insignificant," says Owen with an unsatisfied look on his face. "It is a waste of time for a general like you to take part in something like this, Lord Ryouma..."

"There is no such thing as an unimportant enclave – even the smallest ones can spawn a Dark Atrium."

"I am aware of that but, honestly, I would argue that I could handle it myself... were I accompanied by a more prepared Scion, that is," Owen takes a side-glance at Hilda who glares at him right back.

"Are you gonna be like this the whole mission, blondie?"

"No, I can keep my thoughts in check," he answers with that impassive tone of his. "Though that changes not the state of things."

Hilda's frown indicates an incoming storm, so Ryouma jumps between the two. "Alright, settle down. You'll have time to yell at each other once we're back. Come."

Opening the door of the Prime Gate Crystal's room, Ryouma heads towards Wally with the moody pair of Scions in tow.

"Well, ain't this the happy lookin' family," Wally quips. "Where to, Ryouma?"

"The children are up to their usual bickering, you see," he answers with a quick chuckle. "Outpost #57, please."

Wally quickly opens up a portal before turning to look at the young Scions. "Here y'all go. Take it easy out there, kids."

Owen merely harrumphs at his playful tone and heads through the portal, followed by a sighing Ryouma.

This is it, Hilda thinks to herself. Don't screw this up...

Taking a deep breath, she steps through the portal and finds herself amidst an outpost quite similar to the previous one. Unlike that one, however, is the fact that it's located within an island in a frozen lake.

A strong latino man with a crew-cut and a clean-shaven face is waiting for her group. He's wearing a mix of Alterium armor and chainmail covered by a grey surcoat with the emblem of the corps emblazoned in it. The brand in his forehead is two nested circles and within them, a square with a crescent moon on each cardinal direction.

"Lord Ryouma, we've been expecting you," he salutes them.

"Thank you. This is Agustín Paredes, the High Scion in charge of this outpost; Agustín, these are Hilda Solberg and Owen Kendrick," Ryouma answers and quickly introduces everyone. "Now, what's the report on this enclave?"

"As basic as it gets, since our scouts spotted it when the Valnr were just starting to build it – very few enemies inside. It's about a hundred kilometers northeast, close to the coast and far away from any towns."

Ryouma listens to everything calmly, running his fingers over his goatee. "Any estimates on the pylon's charge?"

"It should be a long while since we've no reports of kidnappings in the area; as far as the scouts could tell, there were no distortions in the flow of Prana, either."

"Understood. Give my appreciation to your men," Ryouma tells Agustín with a quick nod and the High Scion salutes before walking off to continue his work. "You two heard him – a nice and easy cleanup with no captives and an uncharged pylon."

Owen sighs. "I suppose this at least means we'll be done with it quickly."

"How long does a pylon take to charge if they don't sacrifice people?" Hilda asks to get a sense on how much leeway they have.

"The number varies but it usually takes several days when only charging off Prana from the land. In that time, either our scouts usually find the enclave or spot the small distortions that emerge in the flow of Prana as the pylon nears activation. That's why most Valnr enclaves, once complete, seek out people to be sacrificed."

"But now they won't have the chance. Let us be off, Lord Ryouma," Owen requests impatiently.

"As you wish. We'll stop at about two kilometers from the enclave itself and take a look – stay close to us and do as I say, Hilda."

"Yes, Shishou," she confirms, casting a Haste glyph and following both men as they start wafting fire and dash into the distance. Thankfully, Hilda notices, the elements keep her from slipping on the frozen lake as she'd rather not open this mission by stumbling about.

The weather is cloudy but calm and, as they head northeast, the grassy, bushy tundra found in the southern sections of the Northern Reaches start fading away, being replaced with a rocky, darkened soil covered with snow. Icebergs along the coast also become more prevalent. Hilda spots a polar bear family along the way but, besides that, the trip is fairly quiet and uneventful as everyone keeps an eye out for Valnr patrols.

The emptiness of this area is to be expected, of course, as they are getting dangerously close to the eastern region. Deep in that land, by the Russian border, lie the ruins of the old Akrarean Kingdom – the first victim of the Valnr when they were brought back into the world, eight centuries ago. The entire area is deemed as pretty much cursed by the peoples of the Northern Reaches, so no one would ever come around here.

About half an hour later, the three Scions have almost arrived at the enclave, stopping atop rocky mound that gives them a clear view of it. As reported, it still looks like a fresh construction with a high stone wall set in a rectangle around an area of about four square kilometers. Several metallic structures are laid within, the likes of forges, stockpiles and wha have you, as beings move feverishly to build a central keep. Dozens of what looks like guards stand around the enclave's perimeter.

"A small one, indeed..." Ryouma mulls, raising his hand towards it. "And we've nothing dangerous inside, either."

"How can you tell?" Hilda asks.

"Valnr and undead are unnatural to this world and their presence disturbs the flow of Prana. You can sense that disturbance," Owen answers.

Hilda looks at him with an annoyed expression. "You're gonna have to give me more than that."

"The Valnr's Prana is completely different – anathema, even – from that which flows across our world. Thus, when a Valnr or their undead servants emerge, their life force stands out due to that incompatibility and we can easily detect them," Ryouma quickly cuts in and answers her question. "Owen, show her the Sight Glyph."

"Yes, sir..." he slowly does so. "A single circle with an oval shape at the center. Cast it, close your eyes and raise your hand towards your target – no visualization required."

Hilda scoffs at his unenthused explanation but makes the glyph anyway – she closes her eyes and points her right hand towards the enclave. As the spell is cast, the darkness before her lights up with a clear white light. Looking ahead, however, Hilda can see several dark red spots in deep contrast with it. She now understands what Ryouma meant: the light is the flow of Prana of our world, while the spots are things that don't belong – the Valnr's own Prana.

Despite the weird visuals, Hilda could still hear Ryouma right beside her. "Do you see them? Tell me what lies in that enclave."

"I do. Um... there are..." Hilda starts counting the spots as best she can with how quickly they're moving about. "Around forty-ish little spots and a bigger one inside the keep."

"The little ones are Revenants while the bigger spot is a Valnr Drone. You may open your eyes," Ryouma says, poking her in the shoulder.

"What's a Valnr 'Drone'? I remember Lady Alexandra talking about them," Hilda asks.

"Like us, the Valnr have different stages of strength – the difference is that their intellect is directly proportional to how strong they are. Drones, as the name implies, only do one thing: follow commands. They come into this world with a mission and act on it."

"While they can influence common undead to assist in their task, they are incapable of complex strategy or thought. They are, essentially, Revenants with the powers of a Novitiate," Owen adds, facing Hilda with his critical gaze. "That is, a Novitiate with proper combat experience. Ergo, you will not engage it."

"Who put you in charge, blondie...?" Hilda sniffs.

Ryouma quickly steps in between them to once again defuse their bickering before it begins. "But he has a point – fighting a Drone would, indeed, be unnecessarily dangerous for you. In fact, I want you both to focus solely on the Revenants; once they're done, we'll move into the keep and I'll kill the Valnr myself."

"Roger that..." both Scions sigh.

"Focus, children. I'll be leading the charge while you two follow behind and engage any survivors. Remember your training and you'll do fine, Hilda," Ryouma proclaims with an eager smile. "Now, forward!"

Saying that, Ryouma suddenly bursts with energy and Hilda momentarily sees three nested, golden circles emerge behind his back and disappear into light. As the light subsides, Ryouma's basic Alterium equipment has transformed into a full set of samurai regalia: the armor itself is fully black with bright yellow details along the edges; white chainmail sewn into white silk cloth connects the dark metal plates in the vambraces, cuisses and greaves together. On Ryouma's head, there is now a black headband with a golden, diamond-shaped emblem at the center.

Hilda stares in amazement but has to quickly pull herself together as Ryouma and Owen start heading towards the target.

"OK... Here we go!" she tells herself.

All three Scions close the distance and reach the enclave's walls in a couple of minutes. Ryouma transforms his own katana into that humongous size he'd shown Hilda on her first day – a Zanbato, he calls it – and slices the wall cleanly in half. The impact of his blade sends out a burst of flame in all directions, burning ten nearby Revenants to a crisp.

Ryouma dashes ahead, each swing of his sword carving several undead like they are made of paper. He doesn't even need to defend himself - anything that gets close is burned to a crisp by the aura of flame that radiates around him. Owen follows right behind, picking off whatever is left. He throws his chakrams far and wide, making deadly precise strikes against the undead; connected to his hands by tethers of fire, they come right back. Right at the new opening in the enclave's stone wall, two Revenants jump down onto him. Or at least they try to do so, as Owen hops backward to avoid them. In a fluid counter, he flings both his flaming chakrams at the undead. Their heads are soon removed from their bodies.

Following that, Owen spots four Revenants in the distance coming right over. They won't get a chance to reach him. Off go his chakrams once more, tearing the closest pair's legs and leaving them stumbling about. FireBolts deal with the other two, flying across the battlefield to blow right through their chests. They don't even realize what's happened before simply dropping to dust. The chakrams come back right then. The maimed Revenants are easily dispatched by up-close Burst spells.

Psh... blondie really is pretty good... Hilda thinks, annoyed, watching him from the corner of her eye.

As she enters the fray and catches sight of a lone Revenant. It has the look of what was once a man. Bits and pieces of cloth and armor melded into the rotted grey skin, bone and sinew exposed in some spots where the skin and muscle have long since faded away. It's arms and legs are gangly and misshapen, its nails and teeth blackened and sharpened to a razor edge and its face stuck in the pained expression that it had upon death.

However, above all, Hilda finds their eyes to be most disturbing part: the iris and pupil have vanished, leaving only the glowing, blood-red sclera behind. The mark of the Valnr and of their undead slaves. The Revenant turns to face Hilda and lets out a ghastly shriek, loud and piercing, like the roar of a crazed beast but mangled and distorted by the decay that's set upon its body.

It is a sound engraved in her mind, the same as four years ago, and just hearing it causes her hands to start shaking once more.

Rrgh...! Focus, damn it! Hilda yells within her head, her heartbeat accelerating with every second. Ichiisenshin...Ichiisenshin!

She forces herself to draw her weapon and dashes after the creature. Like the elementals before, it attempts to bear down on her with both its claws. She steps and off goes the Revenant into the ground, it leaving its arms open to be sliced off. The undead reels back momentarily and that's another good opening for her. A simple overhead swing and the creature is cleaved neatly in half.

Hilda's breathing is becoming shallower, though she keeps repeating Ryouma's idiom like a mantra. Six Revenants start closing in from all sides, every one of them letting out that dreadful shriek.

Hilda's trembling worsens by the second but she does everything she can to stay firm. "Not this time, you monsters...! Die!!"

Blinded by fear and anger, she tightens her grip on her blade and charges after the nearest undead. It tries attacking but doesn't get a chance - Hilda skewers it and lifts the creature into the air. With a mighty swing, she throws the undead at whichever one is closest. Doesn't look like it expected that, as both are stunned by the encounter. Easy pickings, as she closes the distance and slashes through them both.

The remaining four undead jump towards her with animalistic speed and drive. The first one from the sides, parried. One from above, one from below, dodged. The forth one, however, blindsides and claws at her arm. It's not a deep injury but merely getting grazed by an Revenant hurts like hell - their nails tear the flesh apart, instead of cutting. She backs away from the attacker without much thought, sloppy and unstable. The other undead notice this and capitalize on it, rushing in and swinging like crazy. As she's pressured, the one who slashed her arm jumps back at her.

Damn it! Do something! she thinks in desperation, trying to cast a LightningBolt to intercept it in midair.

Her focus has fallen apart due to the surge of emotions gripping her mind, though. Like with Alexandra's training, the glyph goes awry and misfires. The resulting burst of electricity still rips the airborne undead to shreds but the recoil knocks Hilda back. The other three undead weren't affected by her spell, however, and continue on their relentless assault.

Taking advantage of her imbalance, one of them sinks its teeth into her unguarded right shoulder and drags her to the ground. Hilda screams in agony but adrenaline keeps her wits about her. She passes her sword to her left hand and shrinks it to the size of a dagger. The biting undead gets what's coming to him in the form on a stab through the head.

Still two left and things are getting worse by the second. They're already bearing down, claws and teeth making a beeline for her throat. Without time to rise from the earth, Hilda blocks the first of the attackers with her sword. It doesn't last - her shoulder is too injured to withstand that pressure. Her blade is slapped aside and the the two undead move for the kill.

"No...!" she gasps, closing her eyes in fear.

Hilda hears the sound of rending flesh but feels nothing. When she looks, Owen is standing behind the Revenants – chakrams in hand – having just cut through both their heads. He doesn't say anything but doesn't really need to: the harsh glare he gives her speaks more than any words could express.

Owen casts a fast spell and projects fire onto Hilda's wounds to heal her somewhat – it hurts at first but, soon, the bleeding stops and she starts feeling a bit better. All other Revenants are gone, so Owen moves towards the enclave's keep after Ryouma, leaving her behind.

While waiting for the magical flames to fade away from her injuries, Hilda lays on the ground, feeling only a deep sense of frustration. Despite her training over these months, her inner demons hadn't faded away in the slightest – they were simply waiting for a chance to emerge to torment once more and could've cost Hilda her life right now. Could she truly free herself from them? Hell, would she even survive long enough to do so? What about the people around her?

"Some Scion I am... Damn it!" she grunts before getting up and running into the keep.

The building is pretty dilapidated already. Not only was it under construction when they arrived, collateral damage from the battle outside has wrecked a lot of what had been made. Walls and ceilings have collapsed, rubble and dust are everywhere and about the only place still relatively intact is the main chamber.

When Hilda arrives, she finds Owen with his eyes fixated ahead. Ryouma is engaging a slender but muscular man with long-ish, snow white hair and a completely neutral expression on his face. He wields a jagged axe and wears some basic pieces of darkened plate armor. One could have easily mistaken him for a regular person with rather pale skin but a quick look at his fully red, glowing eyes shows what he truly is: a Valnr, in the flesh.

"Ah, I've been waiting for you to get here, Hilda," Ryouma speaks nonchalantly effortlessly dodging and blocking the Valnr's wild barrage of swings while his enormous sword merely rests upon his shoulder. "See what we meant about Drones? Same as Revenants, only with a few more tricks up their sleeve."

Indeed, while the Valnr look nearly human, his attacks show a complete lack of restraint or self-preservation. Anyone with half a brain would realize the enormous power gap between the two fighters. And, yet, he never stops attacking Ryouma head-on. His axe swings, coming in from all sides, don't even come close to connecting. Bolt, Wave and Bust spells bump off Ryouma's Shield like the Valnr's throwing marbles at him.

That said, this speed and unhesitant fighting style could certainly make for a worrisome battle for a Novitiate. The more she watches, the more Hilda frets that she'd probably be overwhelmed, unable to keep up.

"Alright.... Now that she's here, I think it's high time I wrapped this up," Ryouma ponders as he brings his sword down and assumes an offensive stance.

The Valnr tries to continue in his attack with a jumping slash but misses completely. In less than half a second, Ryouma's moved behind him. The Drone starts to turn around but who is he kidding? Ryouma conjures a glyph in his left hand and waves it upwards, summoning forth a pillar of flame that sends the flying Valnr through the ceiling.

Waves of fire materializes in the air as per Ryouma's will, offering a path by which he dashes across. Faster than Hilda can keep up, he heads on after the Valrn. When he stops, he's already on the monster's face; his sword behind him glowing red, amassing a large amount of the fire elemental.

The Valnr can't escape in time, so it conjures a shield in anticipation of the incoming attack. Too little, too late.

"Ougi!" he yells with an eager glint in his eyes. "Zanbato: Bakusai Ha!"

Ryouma swings his sword once and it doesn't even need to connect with the Valnr. A massive wave of flame erupts from the blade, engulfing everything ahead in a conflagration. The drone's body never returns to the earth, every inch of it burning to ash.

Ryouma himself drops down soon after, returns his sword to its normal size and sheathes it with style.

"Tenbatsutekimen... that is, Heaven's retribution is swift," he proclaims sagely before turning to Hilda with a huge grin on his face. "See? This is so very satisfying!"

"Yes, yes... good for you," Hilda sighs. "Now where's that pylon thing?"

"Over here," speaks Owen, already having moved to a room across from the main chamber, the deepest part of the keep. Ryouma escorts Hilda over and points her to the object at the center of the chamber: a tall and wide grey pillar decorated with red runes and inscriptions and, floating above it, a slowly pulsating sphere of dark energy.

"That is the pylon – our top priority in most of these assignments. See how slow the pulses of the sphere are? That means we still had a lot of time to arrive here," Ryouma explains before destroying it all with a small explosion. "And, with it gone and the camp cleared, this place is once again safe. Good job to both of you."

Despite Ryouma's praise, the other two Scions are hardly pleased - Hilda has a very tense look across her face while Owen looks as though he wishes to be anywhere but here.

"Hmm... you two look as though you need a moment," he says before throwing two Gate Crystal shards towards them. "I'll be heading on ahead. When you're ready, use these to make your way back."

With that Ryouma activates his own shard and is whisked away by the spell. Owen doesn't seem to be willing to stay, already picking up his shard.

"Wait," Hilda requests. "Just a minute, please."

"For what? To hear you try to justify your performance?" Owen answers flatly, not even bothering to look at her. "No, there is no point in that."

"Thank you," she states seriously. "For saving my life, I mean."

"It wasn't a favor. One must defend those that are weaker... to say nothing of the fact that any Scion - even a Novitiate - that dies in a pylon's vicinity greatly increases its charge," Owen answers, readying his shard to leave.

"Whatever your reason, I owe you one... and I admit that you were right."

Owen finally stops and turns to face her. "Was I?"

"Yes... I'm still far from being one hundred percent ready for this – the battle's made that crystal clear," she says, staring at him dead in his eyes. "I have a problem with undead... the sight, the sounds of them dredged up some bad memories and messed with my head. I sure as hell couldn't trust someone like that to be my partner or, worse, to clear an enclave in a city full of people."

Owen's gaze becomes ever-so-slightly less critical at this point. "A warrior requires a strong mind even more than a strong body; inner turmoil can easily spell doom for yourself or those at your flank. If you realize that, the question is: what will you do about it?"

"For better or worse, I'm set on this path. The best I can do is promise that I'm not going to stop. I'll keep working as hard as I can to pull myself together and become someone who's really fit for this responsibility," Hilda speaks firmly. "I owe it to more than just me to see this through."

Owen looks deeply at her, like he's measuring her very soul.

"You certainly talk the talk... but could you walk the walk? Hmm," Owen ponders for a moment.

At length, he sighs lightly and looks back at her. "I will only ask that you never forget that an incredible amount of innocents rely on us, Hilda. Any weakness within our hearts is a dagger at their throat. Hopefully you'll fulfill your promise quickly, for their sake... as well as your own."

Owen then tosses the Gate Crystal shard at his feet and heads back to Valarheim, leaving Hilda to ponder her first mission.

It was hardly the perfect success she was hoping for but at least she's grateful that this was far away from any place where the common people could be hurt. Like Vanessa said, Ryouma and Owen had her back but, in truth, this actually made things worse as she couldn't reciprocate their protection – the story of her life.

Regardless, when Ryouma brought her into this life, Hilda made a decision to stop wallowing in her fear, anger and self-pity. If the Altr have thrust this fate upon her – as unworthy and unprepared as she is – then she will beat herself into shape. Not to prove something to Owen anymore but, rather, to not be a burden or a liability for others.

Never again, she closes her eyes and thinks to herself before heading back home.


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Wed Sep 07, 2016 3:57 pm
Megrim wrote a review...



Back again and today I thought I might talk about writing principles in more generalities. I'm in two minds about this chapter, so I'm not sure what to say. On the one hand, we get to see some real-world action and stakes, plus some more flashy spells and whatnot. Owen gets more screen time, and their relationship takes a step, which I quite like. But I still feel like overall, we're lacking in tension. For the most part, they kill their enemies easily. Even though she does get overwhelmed at one point (the best part of the chapter), we know the other two have her back, and this isn't a real big deal for them. It might be more exciting if this was the first time we got to see the magic in action, but we've spent a lot of time watching them explain and work through the spells already, so there's not a lot of new ground. The biggest source of conflict is Hilda's internal conflict--which is fantastic, but that's all we get. Usually I strive for internal AND external conflict as much as possible.

So I'm not sure what to suggest for this chapter. I feel like in isolation it might be stronger than I'm giving it credit for, and the problem is in the context and the slow build-up. Another issue I may be having is that there isn't a real capital P "Plot" yet. THE plot is Hilda training. So it doesn't have that forward draw of "how are they gonna solve this," because there's no bigger crisis, mystery, or stakes. I'm sure this is planned, but it's not here yet, and we're already in chapter 7.

I'd say it feels like Hilda's coming-of-age feels like the real story here. There's an important question for you--what's the main, underscoring, core of the story you want to tell? Elevator pitch comes in here again. If you boil it down, what do you get? Is it "Hilda struggles with inner demons as she learns to control a new power?" That would be my closest guess so far. Defining this will help you see what can be cut and what can't. (Like, if the story is actually "Hilda comes into her own as she takes down the Megatron Necromancer threatening her home village" and I just haven't got there yet, then we really need that part of the story brought forward asap)

I think I need to read more and see where things are going to be able to suggest anything about these early chapters, so I'm afraid this review is going to end up quite general, as I want to get on to the next chapter and see what happens.




Costa says...


In truth, were Hilda to fight a Necromancer right now, she'd be rolled over and tossed aside... I do get what you mean about the overarching plot not being there right now, though.

The problem is that on top of not wanting things to go to hell so soon after she joined (as I mentioned before), how could I justify upping the stakes if, right now, she can barely handle basic Revenants? Had a big bad Necro actually shown up in Litnir, Ryouma would've told her to stay in Valarheim while he dealt with the guy.

So, with all that in mind, I figured the plot (not with a capital P) ought to go as you said: Hilda is learning to fit into her new life, growing as a warrior and person. Mind, that doesn't mean we won't be getting glimpses at what's to come soon.



Megrim says...


That's why I think it's important to decide what the story you want to tell is. The most important, underlying thing that you want to explore. Because I could see turning this premise into several kinds of stories.

1. The story of Hilda's coming of age, with a focus on her life in the keep, struggling to make friends and relationships, showing the small daily dramas. Magic school style plot, maybe something like Earthsea (in which Ged learning a very hard lesson in humility is the basis of the plot)

2. The story of Hilda's discoveeing more about the world, with a brief mention of her studies but a focus on her transition from student to proper Scion by facing real life threats.

3. The story of the Valnr conflict, wherein there's a big epic fantasy plot outside the walls of the keep that has nothing to do with her training. Potentially, the story could pick up after the training has begun and start as late as possible to get her into the main conflict.

There's all sorts of things you can do. Trying to do it all in one book may end up spreading yourself thin and not allow as good exploration of each individual component. Think about how many chapters upon chapters you could do just with her schooling and relationship drama alone (that's the Harry Potter books just about!)



Costa says...


Well, going by the three you pointed out, I'd say this one is a mix of 1 and 2. The conflict itself is simply providing the setting, where the focus is Hilda's rediscovering herself and growing as she's dragged into a new life.

Making a school life piece like Harry Potter wouldn't work too well because this isn't a school per se. It's more like boot camp, where there is only training - all to get you out into the field ASAP.



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Sun May 29, 2016 7:42 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Happy review day! Toboldly go here for a review! :)

I must say, I really enjoy this chapter! One thing, though, that particularly stood out to me was the lack of ranking titles in this chapter. I haven't read the previous chapters (yet; I'm totally hooked now and gonna read them for sure!), so I'm unfamiliar with a reason for it, but it seems that the Scion are highly hierarchical. Despite this, there seems to be a lack of titles for people. Usually in a hierarchical system, the people have titles and signs of respect for each rank. For example, I didn't know that Vanessa was someone in authority until Hilda calls her "Lady Vanessa" and "Ma'am." At first, I thought she was a peer. Another example is Paula; I at first thought she was a friend, but it seems she is more of an instructor? Certainly ranking higher than a novitiate. But there seems to be no way to tell people's rank from how they interact, which I found confusing.

I do really like how Hilda was not the perfect, mighty, unstoppable heroine, but rather someone who could make mistakes. Despite this, it seemed like she was a little too unprepared for this mission. Not so much in terms of skill, but in knowledge. Everything had to be explained to her. Which would have been fine, but it seemed that Owen had to explain it all. Maybe I'm misunderstanding this, but I thought Owen was a peer? Another novitiate? So how does he know so much more, both in skill and in knowledge of the Valnr. It seems to me that, given that the Vanr are clearly the enemy, that Hilda should have a lot more knowledge of their hierarchy and just who they are before being sent out on a mission against them.

This leads me back to the question, who is Owen? I'm sure it's clear from previous chapters, but their relationship is very confusing, whether who it is is established beforehand or not. I seem to be thinking that he's another novitiate, but he knows so much more than she does and is so much more advanced that I wonder if he's an instructor. Is he a more advanced novitiate, such as a senior versus a freshman? I don't know. He definitely seems to know his stuff, and is definitely a little overbearing, leading to some interesting conflicts that I felt really added to the story. Those conflicts also made me think of him more as one of Hilda's peers, but again, why does a fellow novitiate know so much more than she does?

And besides this, I am confused as to the glyphs. Do they draw them out physically? Or visualize them? I'm not really sure about that.

As for the writing itself, I enjoyed it immensely. I did notice that throughout, there is a mix of past and present tense, so I recommend choosing one and sticking with it. I would also recommend that you find a way to spread the dialogue and the narrative so that there aren't chunks of one or the other throughout.

Happy writing!

Toboldlygo :)




Costa says...


Yeah, pretty much everything you asked is shown in previous chapters.

As for Hilda's knowledge, I figured I needed SOMEONE to know less in order to have an excuse to drop these little bits of exposition. I really don't like having to resort to "As you know"s and it seemed better than have the narrator just tell everything.

And I hadn't notice those slips into the past... blah. Thanks for telling me.



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Sun May 29, 2016 7:04 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here representing Team Granger this review day! Let's get straight to it. Apologies in advance, as I haven't read previous chapters.

I really liked your conversation at the beginning of the chapter between Hilda and Vanessa - it was written very well, and it felt very realistic.

Your exposition about the Wave and Burst glyphs, though interesting, read awkwardly to me. It felt too much like the author directly telling the reader how they worked, especially because of the fact that this is in present tense, and the way you phrased the sentences. Also, watch out - around that are there are a couple of times where you slip into past tense.

Th-the pleasure is mine... ma'am!" Hilda tries answering naturally but her throat feels completely dry.


Hilda's dialogue in this scene, between the stuttering and the politeness, made me think that she was nervous to be in the presence of authority, a little like a teacher's pet anxious to please. But then later, she acts angry/annoyed about being called there. Maybe you could use her thoughts to show that she was being outwardly subservient, but really she was kind of annoyed that she was just teleported there with no warning.

Also, it seems to me like this is supposed to be third person limited, in Hilda's viewpoint, not omniscient viewpoint. The few paragraphs after she met with Lady Eliza, when you switched out of Hilda's viewpoint, felt quite jarring. In general, its a bad idea randomly headhop unless you're using third person omniscient. At the very least, you'd want to include a scene break, so readers know you're moving away from Hilda temporarily.

And that's all I've got for you! Good luck, and remember, it's levi-O-sa, not levio-SA! *bad joke for the day*




Costa says...


Well, I was, indeed, trying to tell the reader of what the two spells did. I do see your point but what other way would there be since I'd need to describe the whole glyph > effect thing?

And I did some slight editing to the end of Hilda's meeting with Eliza. She IS intimidated by her - Eliza is not only the strongest Scion but she's also incredibly hard, to the point where it comes together as a very oppressive aura. This was pointed out at an earlier chapter, mind.

And could you point out where I switched POVs because I could've sworn I stuck to Hilda on this one. Is it when Ryouma leads the way into Wally's room? That was only Hilda describing what she was seeing.

Either way, thanks for the help. Those tense switches slipped by me in editing but they're not fixed.



Mea says...


For expositing the glyph effect, you could frame it more in Hilda's head, so it feels more like she's the one saying/thinkin it - basically add in her opinion.

You switched POVs right after Hilda left the room after her meeting with Eliza - Hilda is out of the room, but you showed the dialogue that was happening in the room. Sorry I didn't make that clear!



Costa says...


Ooh, right, right. I completely forgot about that.

One thing to not is that the POV actually IS omniscient but I try not to abuse that omniscience too much. I've had moments where the narrator quickly gave voice to another character's thoughts or, like here, where I made a quick POV switch for a small insert scene.

Doesn't Hilda ending her conversation of Eliza and leaving close that scene, allowing for Eliza and Paula's convo? Or is it, indeed, no good?



Mea says...


Well, yeah, it's just that typically there would be a scene break (couple of double-spaced lines) to show the transistion. It makes it easier for readers to see that you're shifting POVs.



Costa says...


Hmm, alright. I'll try to think of something for this in a bit - add something between her leaving and the conversation taking place.

Thanks!



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Sun Mar 13, 2016 3:00 pm
Sins wrote a review...



Hey there, Costa! Sincere apologies for taking so long to get to this. I'd let my review requests build up, and along with my outside life, I've had a pretty hectic week or so. Hopefully I'll be able to make it up to you with a useful review :P

YAY, ACTION AND STUFF. No, but in all seriousness, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. I like that we're progressing things a bit, and am super happy about the fact we're seeing more of Hilda's past (or being hinted at, anyway). Something that has bothered me a little is the fact that until now, she's not really thought about it much and hasn't seemed at all homesick, so the opening scene was a really nice touch. Something else I particularly liked about this chapter was that you didn't fall for the typical trick of the protagonist being a wonderful fighter. Hilda wasn't that great, though not stupidly bad, and it all seemed very realistic in that sense. I like that she and Owen are resolving things a little too. I'm somewhat inclined to say that maybe you're being a bit too vague and mysterious with her past, but that's probably just personal preference. It's certainly not a massive issue, anyway.

One thing I want to highlight before I get into critiques is that this chapter was in the present tense, as opposed to the past tense like the rest of the novel so far. I know that it was all originally in present, so perhaps you've just not gotten round to changing this one yet? Or maybe you've simply forgotten! Whatever the case, I just figured I'd note that in case you had forgotten.

I can't quite remember if I've mentioned this before, and so if I have, I apologise for the repetition. Something that's caught my attention occasionally is that you can have a habit of having dialogue and narrative chunks, as opposed to mixing them together. What I mean is that you'll have a long section of dialogue without much, sometimes if any, narrative in-between. It's not so much an issue the other way round (large chunks of narrative without any dialogue), so no worries there. It's not really been prominent enough to mention it in the past, but I noticed it a bit more here. It's mainly the scene where Vanessa and Hilda are having their chat. What does Hilda think about the things Vanessa is saying? How do they make her feel? Does it spark any memories? e.t.c. Just try to break the dialogue up a little with stuff like that :)

In terms of non-technical stuff, I think the scene where the portal opens up and Hilda is transported to the office could do with a bit of work. I understand that it's sudden, but it comes across as so sudden that it's a little random. One moment she's standing on the ground, and the next she's in this office. The transition seems a little off, at the moment. One of the main reasons for this, I think, is my next critique. Hilda doesn't react to this shocking event, like, at all. She reflects on it afterwards, sure, but after being sucked through some portal she kind of just casually hangs about and has a chat with this woman. I would be like what the heck?! for a good ten minutes after that, I swear. I'm not saying you have to make Hilda dramatically freak out, but some kind of surprise, uncertainty, fear e.t.c. would be beneficial. By adding more detail here, you'll also be able to make the scene smoother.

Hm, I think that's it. Apologies for my critiques being a bit sparse here. This was probably one of my favourite chapters, so that's a good thing on your part, just makes me feel a little useless. Your character development is really starting to make tracks now, and I look forward to watching Hilda progress her skills as the plot moves forward. I'm dying to know more about her past with the undead, too, and who exactly Henrik is. Overall, another great chapter. You know where to find me if you've got any questions or comments about this review! :)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins




Costa says...


Aside from a few moments where Hilda's remembering things, the other chapters have always been in the present tense. :o
Maybe you're misremembering thing or you found a place where I switched tenses and didn't notice?

And I see what you mean about chunks of dialogue but I kinda thought it was fine to skimp on descriptions since I'm trying to let the dialogue convey the emotional state. It sounds redundant to describe how Hilda's feeling when her lines already give a good idea, no?

As for the portal scene, I'll add in a wee bit to clarify on Hilda being confused but I purposefully made Eliza's magic be simple and sudden. She opens a portal and, poof, the target is moved. There's nothing special, really - like a trapdoor opening underneath someone and them immediately falling.

We'll be getting a wee bit more insight on Hilda's past in the next chapter, mind.

Glad you're enjoying this!



Sins says...


Image

That's 100% just me being an idiot :P My brain is far more frazzled than I thought, my apologies! Just ignore me and my poor brain functions.

That's definitely true, obviously portraying Hilda's emotions through her dialogue is awesome. It's more of a reflection thing i.e. what does the things Vanessa is saying make her think about, associate with e.t.c. It's just a nice way to break up dialogue sometimes, as all dialogue in one chunk can be a little intimidating for the reader.

Ah okay, that makes sense. I think gauging more of a reaction out of Hilda will smooth that out, so it's nothing to really worry about :) But yus, be sure to let me know when you've posted the next part!




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