Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Chapter 14: Partners After All
Hilda braces herself for Owen's incoming Burst spell... but it does not come. Instead, it's a Wave spell that strikes, sending her and the Risen flying. Hilda's dumbstruck by whatever's going on. Owen catches up, jamming his chakrams into the Risen's chest. Flames gush inside the undead, erupting through its gray skin. Yanking them back, Owen directs his weapons to wrap their cords around the stunned Risen's neck. That done, it takes but a Haste glyph to move back to the ground.
The chakram's tethers stretch to their limit, firmly hanging onto the Risen. Owen yanks him out of Hilda's arms – confusion loosening her grip – and head-first into the nearby wall. Even the hardy creature reels from that impact. Owen isn't done, however, charging as much elemental fire as he can into his chakrams. With a roaring swing of his hands, both weapons unleash enormous streaks of flame. The area around the Risen suffers a mighty explosion, the entire section of the fort's wall coming down on him.
Vanessa, hand atop her pounding heart, sighs in relief. Hilda lands, bruised but alive, and quickly rubs her eyes clean to see what's unfolded. Ahead, Owen hangs onto his knees, breathing sharply, as he watches the dust settle. The pile of debris starts moving as it is slowly being pushed away. The Risen is still at it.
Hilda stomps over to Owen and grabs him by the collar, snarling through clenched teeth. "What the hell did you do?!"
"'What did I do?'... The question should be what in blazes were you doing!" Owen pushes her hand away and yells back in rage. "What possessed you to think that was a good idea?!"
"I was trying to get you out of this alive, you idiot! That was your only chance!"
"What kind of person do you take me for?" Owen shakes his head with quite the baffled countenance. "Do you honestly believe I would've wanted to live through this in such manner? You say you don't want people dying because of you and, yet, you'd so readily impose that upon me?"
"That's not the point...! We—" Hilda says, exasperated, before Owen stops her.
He places his right hand onto the side of her neck and looks her dead in the eyes. "We will fight and defeat that Risen together or die together. There is no other way around this, so pull yourself together. I need your help... partner."
Hilda almost loses the grip on her sword upon hearing this. She doesn't even know what to answer, stuttering in shock. That'll have to wait, however. Their attention is taken by pile of debris as it is blown away from the inside. The Risen steps back into the room. Owen's attack damaged him well: his left arm was crushed and torn off, while his body is marred by open gashes, burns and bruises. Not that any of that bothers the undead, of course. It stands ready to fight once more.
"Stubborn freak...!" Hilda spits through heavy breaths. "Alright, fine. Since you care so much, we'll do this together. But you better not bitch about it later!"
Owen sneaks a quick look at her hands and they're no longer trembling. Indeed, he feels confidence in her words.
"I promise I won't..." he nods, huffing sharply and steadying his stance. "Regardless, you're in better shape than me. Lead the charge and I'll follow your lead."
"Then just throw everything we have at him. Keep up the pressure and he'll slip up sometime... hopefully. "
"Haha... A simple enough strategy, though I suppose it's the best we have right now."
Hilda answers his wry chuckle in kind. "You got that right... Attack!"
Tightening her grip on her sword once more, Hilda charges forward. The Risen's incoming to meet her and shoots out several EarthBolts. She dodges, one, two, four, but there are many others and she's worn out from the prolonged battle. Two approach from above as she's distracted avoiding the others. They would have been quick enough to connect but Owen is keeping an eye out and cuts them down from afar. The Risen attacks are as ferocious as before, despite his missing arm. Hilda trades blows with him, parrying and dodging his axe as best she can.
"Damn it... hold still and let me kill you!" she yells. Her own attacks are falling short of connecting, bouncing against his precise parries.
Owen comes in from the Risen's back, flinging his chakrams towards him. It's his hope that losing an arm will have impaired the creature's spellcasting ability. His hopes are dashed soon, however. As he fights, the undead lifts the index and middle fingers from his axe's handle. With them, conjures a Shield behind him to block the chakrams, sending them flying back to Owen's hands.
Might as well keep up the pressure, as Hilda said. He closes the distance and swings both weapons at the Risen, streaks of flame striking against the Shield. The impact of the blow affects the undead's stance and causes him to stumble slightly. Now that's a good slip-up. Seeing it, Hilda knees him straight in the gut and, as he reels, blasts him upwards with a Wave.
"Grab him!" she yells.
"Aye...!"
Owen sends him chakrams to wrap against the Risen's legs in order throw him at the ground once more. The undead has wised up to that tactic, though. He summons a pillar of stone off the ground, providing a chance to recover his stance. With a swift motion, he cuts the chakram's flaming tethers across and kicks them back at Owen. He scrambles to catch his weapons once more but the Risen capitalizes on this momentary opening. Dashing past Hilda, he bears down on Owen with an overhead swing.
The attack is swift but barely misses as Owen dodges backwards – the Risen has a trick up his sleeve, however. His alterium axe transforms into a simple ring on his index finger. With the whole hand free now, the Risen brings forth a Stream glyph: a circle with a single, swerving horizontal line at the center.
Hilda acts quickly and gets between Owen, bearing a Shield to defend him. A torrent of earth and stone erupts from the Risen's hand and strikes her defenses with the weight of an anvil. Owen jumps high, above Hilda, and conjures several FireBolts. They rain down onto the Risen, forcing him to let go of the spell to start defending and dodging. Free to move again, Hilda moves in to join the offensive.
"Keep going, keep going!" she cries out, swinging her weapon and firing several streaks of lightning.
They all stop short on the Risen's Shield but that wasn't her plan. The undead needs to plant his feet on the ground to withstand her attacks; problem with that is Owen's Bolts are still coming from all sides. Indeed, they make use of the Risen's lack of mobility to connect, tearing through his shoulder, chest and legs.
The Risen, ignorant of the pain of his searing flesh, steps towards Hilda and starts swinging anew. Once more, axe and katana clash as Hilda and the Risen shift in and out of offense and defense. The undead parries Hilda's blade on face of his axe and tries yanking it away by, once again, catching it with the heel. This time, she's paying attention. Shrinking her blade down to a dagger's size, she frees it from the moving axe. The Risen's weapon is off-center now, giving her a nice way in.
Hilda slashes across the undead's chest and moves to follow it up with a Bolt. He lifts his fingers to answer her in kind. Both spells go through. Hilda's runs Risen through the chest while his jams a large stone spike all the way through her left shoulder.
Hilda screams in pain as her entire left arm goes numb. Once more, the undead prepares to strike her down at this opening. That is, until Owen runs in from the Risen's armless side, Burst spell in hand. Faster than the foe can react, he brings out an explosion directly at his body. The Risen is blown towards one of the chamber's large pillars but regains his bearings before crashing into it.
He imbues his alterium boots with earth and conjures a mass of stone at the pillar, in the shape of a half cylinder. As his feet touch the stony surface, the earth on his boots joins with it. The Risen slides across like it's made of ice and comes out, flying back towards Owen.
"This is it... Wait for the opening and strike!" he tells Hilda.
"What are—" Hilda tries clarifying but Owen doesn't stick around, dashing towards the inbound foe. Looking at the Risen, however, she understands. He's his axe at the ready and fully charged to release another powerful streak. In preparation, Hilda keeps her sword small enough that she can use it with only her right arm.
The momentum of the previous blow gives great speed to the undead - it only takes a moment for him to be upon Owen. As expected, he swings his axe to unleash a mighty streak of energy right on top of the Scion. Owen's managed to Shield the brunt of the attack but is still knocked away by its sheer force. However, this is the moment they were waiting for: the Risen's made a big mistake.
"Now...!" Owen gasps quietly.
When a warrior the level of a Novitiate or Drone wants to unleash a streak as powerful as this, full focus of the mind is needed. And, thus, it takes about a split second after that attack is unleashed for one to be able to cast again. When she saw him charging his axe to attack, Hilda knew what Owen was talking about. With a Haste glyph, she's now directly above where Owen and the Risen clashed. The undead's arm is outstretched due to the attack, yet to be pulled back. And he's not measure to defend himself.
You're mine...! Hilda thinks as she drops towards him, like lightning itself.
The Risen notices her far too late to be able to escape. He tries getting a Shield conjured but, due to the delay, the glyph doesn't finish in time. Hilda cleaves his remaining arm clean off. As he staggers from the hit, a swift roundhouse kick to the jaw sends the undead rolling, limp, across the floor.
"Did we... get him...?" Owen wonders aloud, hobbling back to Hilda's side as both struggle to stay upright.
"Not yet, humans," Nokor sniffs from his balcony.
With a wave of his hand, the Risen's battered body slowly arches over, gets on his knees and stands up. Thick blood trickles down from his arm stumps and the many, many gashes across his gray skin. His armor is shattered and sliced open in several spots and his jaw has become dislocated following Hilda's last attack. Without either his arms, the Risen's axe is now useless. The swirling earth around him shows that he can still influence the elements, though. Roaring, he sinks his feet into the ground and unleashes a blast of energy across the floor of the fort . As it runs through, the tiles are pushed out and fly in every direction.
"The hell is he doing?!" Hilda asks, as she and Owen – back to back from each other – conjure their strongest possible Shields to cover against the debris that fly about.
"He's trying – and failing – to cast a third tier spell!" Vanessa yells from afar. "The earth element is running wild because of it!"
As she says that, the cleared ground beneath the Risen is pulled upwards by an unseen force. Earth, stone and debris from the enclave start circulating around him. More and more gets added as it grows with each second, breaking apart all it touches.
"Forcing this will end up killing him but not before that maelstrom grows big enough to tear you both to shreds! End him before it gets to that! You can do it!" Vanessa taps her spear on the ground, standing unflinching amidst the turmoil with her own Shield keeping her safe.
Hilda and Owen back off, keeping away from the expanding wall. The items caught in the maelstrom begin crumbling away, converted into raw energy. The entire thing quickly becomes one enormous funnel of orange energy – the earth element – that rises and tears through the chamber's ceiling.
"Any ideas for this one...?" Hilda asks Owen, worried.
"As Lady Vanessa said, we have to kill the Risen to stop it... He's defenseless in this state but also shielded inside that maelstrom."
Hilda grips her sword and charges it with electricity. "Then we'll have to get something to pass through it!"
Owen nods in agreement and does the same, beckoning the fire elemental into his chakrams. Face to face with the swirling energies ahead, they stand firm and take stance.
"ChesTOH!" Hilda yells and both Scions swing their weapons as strongly as their battered bodies allow. Her one large streak and the two from Owen crash into the Risen's maelstrom, lightning, fire and stone manifesting and swerving across the room. Their attacks begin piercing through the outer wall, slowly moving inside. Still, it is not enough and they soon break apart.
"Damn it... the earth elemental is too abundant in there," Owen grunts in frustration.
"But our attacks managed to get in a bit...! If we keep trying—"
Owen shakes his head, his bloodied brow furrowing deeply. "No. As Novitiates, the elemental aggregation in our attacks just isn't strong enough to pierce through before being overwhelmed..."
Hilda stares in desperation at the raging maelstrom. Is this really it? After all they've done, they just can't kill the guy?
The expanding energies grow ever closer. It pulls in whatever objects are nearby and reduces them to their basic elements. Amidst such objects, Hilda makes out the arm she cut from the Risen before. As everything else, it is pulled in but, when it touches the maelstrom, things get different. The arm clashes against the outer wall, bouncing about its surface instead of immediately sinking in. At length, it begins being dragged inside and fading away.
"...I might have something," she says, eyes widening in realization. "You won't like it, though."
"I am open to any suggestions right now..."
"Our attacks don't go in because they're pure elemental forces, so they get overwhelmed. But what about our bodies? On top of the elements, there's also Prana in there. Look."
She directs Owen's attention to the arm, as it disappears into energy far slowly than anything else.
"I'll go in myself, using whatever I can to get through. I think my Prana will last long enough to pull that off."
"That's crazy!" Owen says, aghast. "You saw how it ate through that arm – Prana or not. Your spells and body would be taken well before you made it through!"
Hilda takes a quickly step closer and pokes him in the chest. "I know and that's why you're going to help me. Wrap a Shield around me and, once I'm in there, pull your strongest attack to blast me to the other side. The blood loss might be messing with my head but... right now we need crazy or we're done."
Owen takes a look at her, wounded and bloodied. Her foolhardy courage is to be commended but this move is just as suicidal as the last. Still, she has something of a point...
"Not alone, you won't," he answers. "Didn't I just say we'd survive together or die together?"
Hilda frowns and turns to glare at him, only to be met with a exhausted but confident nod. He's not taking "no" for an answer.
She sighs deeply, cleaning the blood off her face again, as a faint grin cracks across her lips. "You little... Always gotta have the last word, huh, blondie? You're lucky I'm too tired to argue..."
"Then we're in agreement. Go, I'll hold a Shield around us for as long as I can," he smiles back, dropping his chakrams to their tethers and readying a glyph.
Hilda nods back and, casting the Haste spell, both Scions charge forward towards the approaching maelstrom. On the verge of contacting its wild energies, the two of them conjure their Shields. At the back, Owen's barrier of waving flames and, on the front, Hilda's violet barrier of swerving electrical currents.
Blade in hand, she once more unleashes a streak at the Risen's spell. As before, the lightning pierces its flow and creates a small tear as it's dragged in. Hilda does it again and again, each attack making the tear widen a bit more, the erupting elemental forces ripping across the adjacent ground.
"We're going in! Hold on!" she yells. The tear in the maelstrom is just big enough for them to fit through, held in place by quickly fading electricity.
"I'm ready!"
Stepping through, the tear dissipates right behind them. They're stuck inside now. Despite the maelstrom itself only extending across a few meters, they can't see anything around them. There's only a swerving, shifting, orange-colored light. The high speed with which they entered didn't actually help. It's incredibly hard to move inside, like walking through a raging river formed only of the earth elemental. Their foreign elements aren't welcome, though, as evidenced by the crackling and popping coming of their Shields.
Hilda pushes on, very slowly, hoping that they're going in the right direction. Her own Shield starts to crack. She's too tired, unable to keep it sustained under the pressure all around. Hilda picks up the pace, every bone and muscle in her body aching from the strain. The cracks in her Shield grow. One step at a time, Hilda and Owen move forward with no end in sight.
"Aargh... damn it... where's... the other side...?" Hilda grunts, face crumpled in pain. Through half-closed eyes, she watches as her Shield breaks apart like a piece of glass – she can't hold it any longer. "No, no...!"
Her Shield shatters but is immediately replaced by another one from Owen. Withstanding the full force of the maelstrom comes as a major ordeal, though. Holding both Shields in place, one in each hand, his knee bends as soon as the other is in place.
"Hang in there, Owen...!" Hilda yells.
He cannot get up, every ounce of his strength committed to his battered arms - all to keep the maelstrom from taking them.
"You wanted me to push you... rrrgh... with a spell, right? Cast a Burst outside the Shield and... blow us through...!" he tells her with pained breath, shaking under the pressure.
"What about you...? Taking that point-blank will...!"
Despite the grueling situation, Owen still manages to answer back with a small smirk. "You were sure you'd survive this, so why not? I'm hardier than I look... and we're dead if you don't do it!"
"Fine... but I'll kick your ass if you die from this...!"
Without a choice, Hilda holds her blade beneath her armpit and manifests a Burst glyph in her hand. She's putting as much force into this one as can be. Looking at Owen, he nods at her in confirmation. Answering in kind, she casts the spell. Concurrently, Owen yells and shoots flames from his hands and into the Shields, fortifying them.
A sphere of electricity appears near the rear shield, drawing energy and compressing, growing denser. It erupts in an large explosion of lightning, blowing both Scions away from the epicenter and across the orange void. The pressure of the maelstrom grows as they head deeper - Owen's bones crunching under it all. Soon, however, they smash against the inner wall, breaking through it like a window.
The moment they emerge on the other side, Owen dispels his Shields. Both Scions make use of their momentum to run at the Risen. Their minds block out the pain, the injuries and exhaustion that they feel in a desperate bid to win and survive. The Risen is standing firmly on the same spot and doesn't immediately notice their presence. He's concentrating fully on attempting to control his rampaging spell.
Hilda's mad roar echoes across the room as she closes the distance with the undead. He comes back to reality but it is far too late to react. Hilda runs him straight through the chest, unleashing a massive electrical discharge within his body to stun him. Owen moves in from the side and with a swift slice of his chakrams, tears his head clean off. Blinded by adrenaline, Hilda pulls her sword out and hacks away at the body. Pieces of armor, flesh and bone fly off with each enraged cut. She stops only after what is left of the Risen crumbles to dust, the maelstrom fading away with him.
Breathing heavily and with a weary frown, she raises her head to look at the equally debilitated Owen. The shattered remains of their armor are stained by the blood that pours from the many wounds spread throughout their body and faces. She can't feel her left arm and Owen quickly falls to his knees.
And, yet, both still manage to bare a faint smile at each other.
"I guess... we're stuck... with each other, blondie..." Hilda says, dropping her sword.
"That's... not bad... at...all..."
As Owen answers, the protracted battle takes its toll and then some. With the combat over, both Scions feel the full effect of all that's struck their bodies and pass out into the ground.
Vanessa observes them with a very relieved and proud smile – a stark contrast with the angry and frustrated look on Nokor's face.
"Oh, grazie a Dio... Very good job, you two," she says under her breath before setting her steely gaze onto the Valnr. "Looks like your plan went to hell in every single way, Nokor. 'Tough luck'... isn't that what you said before?"
The Valnr's confidence has vanished completely, his eyes darting around the room in an attempt to figure out his next move. The hostages are gone, the pylon is gone, the Risen is gone and he's standing face-to-face with a general. However, those two rookie Scions are right there...
Nokor puts his hand upon his longsword's handle, preparing to attack. He doesn't get the chance, though. Vanessa suddenly appears, floating in front of his balcony, the split-second the blade starts coming off the scabbard. He couldn't even see her approach.
"I don't like the way you're looking at the kids, buddy... They survived your little game, so it wouldn't be very fair of you to try to kill them now, no?" she says.
Her confident stance bothers him greatly and, with a snarl, he decides to throw caution to the wind. "Laugh while you can, human... soon, you and your ilk will burn!!"
Nokor draws his longsword with a diagonal slash at Vanessa, glowing white with sparks of the light element. Vanessa doesn't even bother to move or create a Shield. Nokor's blade rises towards her neck... and immediately shatters upon impact with her skin. He groans in shock at the sight of his now empty hilt.
"Hmph... what a sore loser you are," she scoffs.
Vanessa cocks her head and an unseen, powerful gust of wind kicks Nokor away, through five layers of stone walls and out the enclave. He falls into the Amram Gash, rolling and stumbling through the dirt before pulling himself upright. That single attack pushed him several kilometers away. A Valnr doesn't retreat, however, so he runs back in, preparing the strongest spell he can muster. Vanessa steps through the newly-created opening and sees him rushing back. It's good that they're out here in the middle of nowhere – she doesn't need to worry about collateral damage.
Vanessa materializes a small glowing orb of concentrated wind energy into her left hand and throws it at the ground. As she does, the orb bursts and three large green circles emerge beneath her feet – a proper third tier spell. Several spellbinding runes stretch across its surface, lines of energy drawing the picture of a downward facing spear cutting an ocean in half.
"Hear the howling of the wind, the violent melody that beckons your evil soul to oblivion. Tempestas, Pilum, Perfigo, Torvus," she chants. "Off you go, Nokor."
The glyph shines bright. Above it, the wind elemental gathers in a massive, rapidly spinning green current that grows to be several meters wide. With a flicker of Vanessa's hand, it shoots towards Nokor, tearing through the ground and obliterating everything in its path. By the time the Valnr realizes its approach, he's already in the spell's grasp and dragged within. The enormous spear of wind flies across and beyond the Gash.
It cleaves a new scar into the island, drilling through a mountain range before shifting towards the sky. Within, Nokor's tossed about as his whole body is torn apart by the raging winds. Screaming in pain as he's sliced by thousands of cuts, each plucking off a small part of his body. Try as he might to conjure any sort of defense, his spells are simply too weak compared to Vanessa's. Amidst it all, in the corner of his mind, something speaks out to him: a whisper.
"Yes... these are... fine..." he replies with the last of his life before his torso and head are torn to ribbons. As the spell reaches the clouds, it explodes into an enormous tornado, leaving nothing behind.
From the enclave, Vanessa sees the faint glow of Nokor's red soul emerging and disappearing – he's gone.
"And good riddance," she scoffs before heading back inside.
It'd be best to take a look around the enclave but the priority now is getting Hilda and Owen stabilized and over to Matu. Paula is also in need of rest after using the Corrupt Sight. To say nothing of the two rescued civilians, who are surely eager to be taken home. This was all a lot more than Vanessa expected when she came over, especially regarding Nokor. The mess here is finished and he's certainly dead but something feels off about all this. As soon as they return to Valarheim, she wants to request that Eliza send a platoon here to investigate the place from top to bottom.
'Soon, you and your ilk will burn...' Vanessa thinks. Was that just your average sour grapes? I wonder...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Where the last chapter was a high point, I think now we're overstaying our welcome. I started to get really actioned out this chapter, and began skimming. I found there were quite a few paragraphs I could skip entirely without losing any understanding of the scene. The issue for me was twofold: one, just the fact that the action sequence is going on and on content-wise, and two, the writing of the scene is long-winded which makes it feel even slower. There's so much blow-by-blow that I don't need--a lot of that is the stuff I skipped.
Considering how much just reading about the fight is exhausting me, I'm skeptical about the characters' stamina. I know they have super-endurance due to the Prana, but they've taken some seriously, seriously grave wounds. And not just one or two--spell after spell after spell that cuts into their flesh. I found it difficult to suspend my disbelief in this chapter, because they just KEEP getting up and pressing on, without it really wearing on them all that much.
Content-wise, I had a few little niggles. I thought it was awkward how Owen and Hilda stood there talking a whole bunch near the beginning. They should have pressed their advantage rather than patting each other on the back and letting the risen regain its footing. Considering the life-and-death danger they consider themselves to be in (eg not a training exercise), I don't find it realistic that they'd stand there exchanging so much dialogue, rather than managing a few clipped phrases and finishing the fight without stopping.
The other thing that keeps bothering me is how Nokor doesn't do anything. My impression was all bets were off last chapter once Vanessa freed the hostages, and then Nokor went for the novitiates out of anger. So why does he wait around until the last possible moment to do anything? He's pretty much standing there like a scarecrow for almost this whole chapter. (Also, the risen continually going after them after being knocked down reminds me so much of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkdrbg4EwGA heh it's kind of hard for me to take it seriously)
The maelstrom of earth was the coolest part, and I think that's one thing about this chapter that you ought to keep. My recommendation would be to find a better context for this fight. Keep the really cool, core components, but set up a different scenario for them to happen in.
Well, the thing IS a zombie so it stands to reason it'd just keep coming back until you wreck it good. :O
Nokor's standing as a scarecrow because he's out of his depth here - he stands no chance against a general and he knows it. Thus, his only option (and I think I mentioned this in the last chapter) was to maximize the damage he did on the Scions by leveraging the fact that Vanessa was allowing the Risen to keep going. Had he tried to attack sooner, he'd... well, suffer the exact same end he did here. It was only after the Risen failed that he'd run out of cards to play.
But, yes, I've this set for a trimming later on. I've no plans on making battles as lengthy as this a common occurrence, mind.
Finally, here I am
I want more personal info. I know I've said this about Hilda quite a bit, but I want to extend that to all the other characters. For example, all we know about Owen is that he's from a family of Scions and fighters, and that he's Welsh. What was it like for him growing up? Did he move around a lot? Is any part of him sad over the fact he knew he could never lead a 'normal' non-Scion life? What does he like to do in his spare time? How about Paula? Vanessa? I kind of just want to know more about everyone, inside and outside the Scion life. It helps with creating connections between your readers and your characters, which is always a good thing. I know your focus is on the Scion world atm, which of course is more than fair, but be careful not to weigh too much on it all the time, y'know?
Just a pre-warning, I'm very rusty with this reviewing thing atm, and can already tell that I may not be the most useful I've ever been. Of course I'll try my best to give you some useful advice though! It's great to see that you've got another reviewer following this now, that's awesome because it's always better to have more than one opinion on things, especially as I often worry about my usefulness.
Anywho, this was a good battle conclusion. While the 'finally agreeing to work together properly = winning the battle' concept isn't crazy original, you wrote it well and shaped it to suit your characters nicely. Plus of course it's great to finally see Owen and Hilda leaving their silliness behind and realising that they need each other. It'll be interesting to see how their relationship develops from here, and if everything will be smooth sailing (or if we'll see them still having some tension every now and then). I liked that there was another hint at something bigger in this chapter too (with the Nokor's foreshadowing) because I'm very intrigued to find out what the main conflict will be here. Overall, another solid chapter.
I'll start with something that's kinda a critique but not really because it's an opinion thing, really. I've mentioned this before so I won't go on, but I do still feel like things are a little slow overall. While of course we've seen hints at the bigger conflict, we've not had a hell of a lot to get us that excited. The quality of the writing is great, and I really do admire your originality, it's just that I am a little greedy and I like lots of cool, exciting twists and turns. While there are fast-paced battle scenes that keep things fresh, there isn't heaps of excitement past that. As I said, this is a very personal opinion-based thingy, so please take this with heaps of salt.
On a similar sort of note, this battle scene did feel a little drawn out. I know I've mentioned this (or something similar before) so again, I won't ramble. While you write the battle scenes well, and the existence of magic helps keep things interesting, you've got to be careful not to make everything blend into one. With battle scenes as long as you write them sometimes, that can become near impossible because there are only a certain amount of ways to fight, even with the existence of magic (if that makes any sense whatsoever). This is another personal thing really, but I do think you need to be careful not to drag these scenes out too much because in the end, more than one chapter dedicated to one battle may be a bit much for some.
And finally! This is also another repeated critique, really, so apologies for being utterly useless here
Anywho, that's about it. I worry I've been a bit all over the place with this reviews, so be sure to let me know if so so that I can try to make more sense! Hopefully I've been of some help, and as always with my reviews, please do take them with a pinch of salt. The majority of it is all opinion, so be sure to not take me to seriously.
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
I wanted to take a closer look at Owen but felt that it couldn't happen before they settled their matters. I can tell you that the chapter after the next one does give insight into a character's life prior to joining.

The others will receive the same treatment in due time but I can't well have it happen back-to-back!
As for Hilda, I'm a bit bound in how in-depth I can go in her past due to all the secrecy. We're getting close to the point where I'll be able to do that, mind. Just a wee bit longer!
And I certainly won't make a habit out of dragging battles over as many chapters as I did for this one - it just felt necessary, with all that was happening at once. I'll save this treatment for very specific moments, rest assured.
Hey there! Back again, etc.
This got me worried for a second - it made me think she was seriously injured. But then she did a whole bunch of other stuff and seemed okay. You were probably thinking more along the lines of "bruised," but alive.
Something this made me think about was just how many fight scenes you have so far, and it still feels like we're barely out of the exposition stage of this novel. And they tend to be really long, too - this one went on for two chapters.
Now, it's not bad to have lots of battle scenes - in fact, in this setting it's pretty logical. But the problem is, they can and will wind up feeling repetitive as time goes on. I think a decent part of that is how detailed they are will respect to exactly the moves everyone makes. While this isn't a bad thing at all in and of itself, it's probably a large part of what's making these scenes so long and what could make them feel repetitive.
Something to definitely keep in mind is that because you have so many battle scenes, your climax will be harder to write if it's a battle. In order to be exciting, awesome, and emotionally fulfilling, it will have to be a battle that feels new and different. Alternatively, an interesting theme to set up could be that you have all these battles throughout the book, but in the end the 'evil' is defeated through words or clever subterfuge instead of a battle. Just some thoughts.
I don't have too much to say about this part - it was written fairly well, and I really liked how Hilda and Owen managed to work together.
I don't really think you need the one paragraph from the Valnr's viewpoint, though - it's pretty obvious from how he looks at Hilda and Owen that he's thinking of killing them before fleeing. You don't need his viewpoint to tell us that.
I also did have a little bit of trouble visualizing the part of the fight before they went into the maelstrom - I think it's because I always forget what the different spells look like. Maybe putting in visual reminders occasionally would be good? For example, in Harry Potter, he'll usually cast a spell and then it'll say what color of light it is.
And that's all I can think of this time! On to the next part.
Oh, and I totally forgot until just now (I'm such a bad mod sometimes xD) but I've bumped your rating up to 16 because of the swearing.
I see your point with Nokor's phrase. I'll take a look a wee bit later and see if I can't simplify it a bit.

As for the battle scenes, yeah, I have an eye out on keeping them interesting. At least the good thing when dealing with magic is that you can always bring in new things if you can just imagine them!
There's a long, LONG way to go before we get to the final battles but I already have a vision for how I want them to play out - I'm rather confident they'll be unique!
And I did make mention of the maelstrom's color and whatnot:
Or do you have something else in mind?
Thanks for the input!
No, I was thinking of what the spells they cast before they went in looked like.
Ah, fair enough. I reckon I can make some tweaks there.