12+ Violence

War of Dawn - Chapter 12

Chapter 12: A Knight’s Challenge

Date: 1003 After Dawn, September 24th

It's two thirty in the morning of the fourth day of Hilda's assignment to Outpost #12 and while the evening patrols are out, she and her peers are sound asleep. Their own patrol is set to begin at seven. The past couple of days have seen even less excitement than the first one. As before, she'd been sent with Owen and Paula to patrol sections of the Arctic Archipelago.

Due to the distance of the Atrium in Melville to other islands, however, the Valnr influence hadn't spread that farther. On the positive side, no encounters with the enemy also meant no reason for arguments between Hilda and Owen – granted, being on patrol means they have to be on constant alert and that leaves little room for chit-chat.

Breakfast and dinner time were about the highlight of these days, with Owen having essentially taken up position as the head chef. His food does wonders for morale and he's risen to the status of a local celebrity with the other Scions. Hilda figures he could probably stage a coup, if he wanted to.

Michael probably wouldn't mind, either, as he shares in everyone's breakfast and has become just as taken with Owen's fine food. While the outpost's leader has nigh unlimited authority towards the people assigned, he's shown to be as down-to-earth as the generals in Valarheim.

Everyone's gone to bed early and with a full stomach, which is good as their sleep is interrupted when the barracks' door is kicked wide open.

"Wake up, people! We have a situation! Everyone gather outside!" yells Michael before heading back out.

All Scions immediately jump off their bunks, the loud sound of rushing steps along the wooden floor flooding the barracks. Everyone quickly grabs whatever clothing and shoes are handy before donning their gear and setting outside. The Scions line themselves up by a large pyre set at the center of the outpost to light everything up.

"You guys know what's going on?" Hilda quietly asks Owen and Paula, right beside her.

"Not at all... judging by Lord Michael's tone, however, it ought to be significant," he answers, trying to look around in hopes of spotting anything.

"Look, someone's incoming through the Gate Crystal," Paula whispers, nodding towards the glowing crystal.

"Scions! Atten-shun!" Michael yells, eliciting all present Scions to salute reflexively. The reason for all this becomes clear as soon as the portal opens: Vanessa, Alexandra and Ragnar are coming in, fully equipped for combat. Vanessa is wearing the same studded leather armor as before, while Alexandra and Ragnar both don Alterium breastplates, reinforced with chainmail which runs down their waists, cuisses and a pair of pauldrons and gauntlets.

"Well, you were right. I doubt we'd be getting three generals in here for something small," Hilda answers, her eyebrows frowning at the unusual sight.

"But it does not look like they're the only ones," Owen points as another pair of Novitiates of Holfores, like Paula, arrive – a man and a woman around their age.

Paula's eyebrows raise as soon as she sees who it is and her expression crumples with clear worry. "This might be more complicated than we think..."

"Do you know them?" Owen asks.

"Amit Thakral and Josette André... the three of us train together."

The pair accompanies Ragnar and Alexandra as they speak to Michael and call other local Scions into their respective teams. Taking a look at them, Hilda has a difficult time believing that they're Paula's comrades. There's something weird about those guys, she thinks. Amit, an Indian man of short, wavy black hair, copper skin, wide eyebrows and amber colored eyes, bears himself... for lack of a better comparison, like a Valnr Drone. Hilda sees no emotion in his face whatsoever, empty and impassive as if he is made of stone.

However, that's better than Josette, the French woman of long, flowing brown hair, sultry green eyes, rose skin and small pink lips. She seems to notice Hilda staring, turning her head and looking right back at her. While she appears relaxed but merely meeting her gaze sends chills down Hilda's spine – it feels like a pair of daggers has been thrust into her stomach. As she winces and a wide, sinister smirk forms on Josette's face.

Thankfully, Vanessa walks on over and draws her attention.

"Sorry we woke you kids like this but something's come up," she says with a far more serious tone than usual.

"Please, my lady, it's nothing. What is the problem?" Owen gestures in dismissal, the other two Scions nodding in agreement.

"I assume the three of you heard what happened to Agustín of Outpost #57?"

Paula confirms, her gaze constantly shifting between Vanessa and Josette and Amit. "He went searching for a missing scout and was killed by a Valnr. It'd have to be a Knight to defeat him, yes?"

"A 'Knight'?" asks Hilda.

"Their equivalent to a High Scion. As smart and cunning as a clever person and very strong," Vanessa quickly answers. "We've been looking for the bastard these past weeks."

Hilda's eyebrows rise with worry, looking at the three Generals present and adding one plus one. "And you've found him? Around here?"

"We might've. A High Scion scout meant to be patrolling the island of Bathurst had his Spirit Orb crack an hour ago," Vanessa answers gravely.

"It'd take a powerful Knight to subdue a High Scion... With him killed so unceremoniously, should we assume a pylon is being charged?" Owen nods ponderously, grasping his clenched chin.

"That's what we think, at least. A High Scion's Prana would give a very big charge – enough that the pylon would already be distorting the flow of Prana around. If we can find that, we find the Knight and, maybe, get payback for both our dead teammates."

"I see. That is why you brought the two of them along ..." Paula ponders aloud.

"And we'll be needing you as well. Amit will go with Lexa's team to the north of Bathurst, Ragnar and Josette's team will take the south and the four of us will take the west." Vanessa beckons the three of them out the wide open gate of the outpost. "There isn't a lot of time and we've a good distance to our area. Stay close, run as fast as you can and don't attack the Knight if we find him, got it?"

Hilda, Owen and Paula confirm and cast their Haste glyphs, Vanessa answering with a shrewd wink. "But I can at least help make the way there as straightforward as possible."

With a flicker of her hands, Vanessa conjures a spell. Hilda gasps in surprise as a huge gust of wind lifts them all far above the outpost. As the ascent ends, she reflexively looks down. Bad idea, as vertigo rears its ugly head and gets her all dizzy.

That is, until Vanessa pokes her with the blunt end of her spear shaft. Her warm smile returns for a moment. "Keep your head together, dear. Bathurst Island is east of Melville, where you patrolled a few days ago. Let's get going."

With Vanessa's wind current paving a steady road, the four Scions set out across the clear night sky. The full moon illuminates the path ahead and this'd be just the sort of time where Hilda would like to go stargazing. Of course, that's not going to happen now. Still, the world feels quite different from up top.

While she's not flying as a bird – more like running atop a moving surface of wind and lightning – this is about as close as she's going to get from that. As the cold northern wind touches her face, she can barely make out a sleeping pack of muskoxen in the tundra below.

Unlike before, above the water between Banks and Melville Island, she now has the time to appreciate the beauty of the world's reflection upon its mirror-like surface. All that can be seen moving down there are the streams of violet, red, dark blue and green energies from their Haste spells, swerving amidst the still waters.

The situation isn't positive in the slightest but they certainly picked a fine moment to make this trek. That said, while Paula usually shares in Hilda's appreciation for these sights, tonight she seems wholly lost in her own thoughts.

Hilda runs a bit closer to her and prods Paula with the back of her hand. "Hey, you alright?"

Paula was, indeed, lost in thought as she momentarily looks at Hilda in confusion before answering. "Ah... Yes, don't worry about me. I'm just concentrating."

"I wanted to ask about that. Vanessa said they 'needed you' and those two weirdos for this. Need you for what?"

Paula's lips pucker, as Hilda's learned she's liable to do when thinking of what information to divulge. "Well... as she said, if the pylon's charge is far along, there'll be distortions in the flow. The three of us have a unique way of sensing such things over a wide area, so it'll let us find the enclave quickly."

"Oh, and you're concentrating to do that? Is it complicated?" Hilda asks, knowing that pressing her on what she's hiding wouldn't yield any results.

"Somewhat. It's... tiring to say the least. The three of you will likely need to lead the attack."

"You may count on us, Paula," Owen quickly turns his head and answers.

Hilda looks back at him with a joking huff "Oh, Sir Owen, I didn't expect you to eavesdrop on people."

"Is it 'eavesdropping' when you're babbling so close to me...? Regardless, we must hurry – Lady Vanessa is getting farther ahead of us."

Indeed, Vanessa is keeping a very steady pace – indicative of how far along the pylon's charge must be, Hilda figures. Of course, an Ascended Scion like her could probably go a lot faster if she wanted to, so it'd only be proper for them to shut up and run as quickly as they can. Unlike in their previous patrols, there was more on the line here, too.

This is Hilda's first mission with the general of Taserus and it's a shame that it is under such urgent circumstances. No point in worrying about that now, though, and the four Scions maintain their mad dash towards Bathurst Island. As they pass through Melville Island along the way, everything seems fine.

No activity is seen coming from the Atrium itself or its nearby areas. Hilda can't help but wonder what the Valnr do within the safety of those corrupted zones – more specifically, what they could be planning.

After about three and half hours, they arrive at their destination and, at first glance, nothing appears to be out of place. Like Melville and Banks, the island is just dark soil covered with small bushes and patches of grass, though a snowstorm that hit the region yesterday has covered it all in a white blanket. The good news is that no Atrium is seen marring the distant landscape, so they still have time.

"What do we do now, Vanessa?" Hilda asks.

"Paula – or Amit or Josette – will try to sense the distortions of the charging pylon. We've split this op in three groups because there's a range of a hundred kilometers for this. If she finds nothing, it'll be either Ragnar or Lexa's teams who'll take care of things," Vanessa answers, kicking some snow away to reveal the earth below. "Whenever you're ready, dear."

Paula takes a deep breath and lays her halberd on the nearby ground. "Yes, Lady Vanessa."

Sitting upon the ground, she closes her eyes and begins gathering the dark element in both her outstretched hands. A circle forms on each hand, as she begins drawing a V-shaped symbol enveloped by half a square on her left and a mirrored copy of it on her right.

"You know how this works?" Hilda whispers to Owen.

He shakes his head, though keeps a steady eye on Paula. "I can't say that I do... It's certainly a unique ritual."

With the glyphs finished, Paula starts bringing her hands together in an attempt of uniting both symbols. Wild energies flare around her, dashing across the snowy ground, her face contorting strenuously as she attempts to finish the spell. As sweat begins running down her brow, the glyphs fuse into one as a small shockwave hits the nearby Scions. In Paula's hand now lies a dark blue glyph, depicting two nested circles and, at the center, a full square enveloping two opposing Vs which intersect at the two prongs.

"Oh...? That's a tier two spell," Owen says as his eyes very clearly widen in surprise.

Hilda, herself, bears a confused frown on her face. "But how? We haven't been Scions long enough to be able to pull those off."

"Hm. Considering how much effort that seemingly took, I doubt this is something she'd do regularly," he answers.

Paula smashes her glyph onto the ground, whereupon it rapidly expands far away in all directions. She looks about ready to collapse after that, as indicated by her heavy breathing, pained countenance and the difficulty she shows holding her stance. Paula finds the strength to do so, however, her hand hovering over the spell as she waits for something to happen. Three minutes pass without anything – maybe the pylon isn't here after all, Hilda wonders.

At that moment, Paula's spell flickers for a split second and the color changes from a dark blue to a pure black. The girl's shallow breathing speeds up and soon turns into a strained gasp, as the shifted energies of her own spell start enveloping her.

"Paula!" Hilda calls out and tries going after her, only for Vanessa to grab her by the waist.

"Don't. She'll make it."

Paula's tired face transforms into a look of pain, her body slumping forward as though a ton has been placed on her back. Her breathing grows worse with every passing moment, crumbling into a shallow, course wheezing. She holds out her hand as if it grasp at something, shaking profusely.

Her eyes grow heavy in submission to the daunting task, her vision going blurry; the whole world around her is no more than a featureless mass of smudges, tainted only by large splashes of red. The strain's proving too much, rupturing the blood vessels in her eyes and beckoning small streams to run down her cheek.

"Still lacking..." Paula curses to herself, her voice carrying not a single note of sound. Yet, she keeps going.

Her body's going numb, her consciousness is starting to fade, weakening in inverse proportion to her madly racing heart. That drumbeat is the only clear sound left for her, as even Hilda's panicked words have devolved into an unintelligible garble.

What she does hear, however, are words burned into her memory, acting as an unmoving anchor: "The Corrupt Sight will open yourself to nearby tainted energies. It'll feel like you are dying and, in truth, you are. But in both this spell and in our overall task, it falls on us to stand at the edge of death's precipice – to walk that ever thin line. I've been here long enough that I am loath to say this to Novitiates but... I've faith in you."

These words keep Paula from breaking. Her mind travels amidst the darkness around her, finding its way to a small region far away from her current location. It is the source of the corrupted energies she pulled in.

Paula releases her spell and immediately collapses to the ground, taking in a deep, gasping breath of fresh air. Vanessa steps over and, slowly, helps her stand up.

"How're you feeling?" she asks with a very worried-looking Hilda behind her.

Paula nods in confirmation, her breathing still very shallow. "I'll... I'll be fine, Lady Vanessa...I've found them... about fifty kilometers to the northeast..."

"Northeast...?" Vanessa frowns at her words. "That'd be around the Amram Gash..."

"It's close to charging... We should hurry..."

"Hey, hold on! You're exhausted!" Hilda protests.

Owen also shakes his head with concern and adds: "I agree, my lady. She's in no condition to be here anymore."

"Heh... I must look pretty bad if you two are agreeing," Paula laughs faintly before slowly planting her halberd on the ground and doing her best to stand up straight, "I appreciate your concern but... without my guidance, you might not find the enclave in time..."

"She's right, kids. We'll keep her on the back, where it's safer, and deal with the enclave ourselves. The sooner we wrap this up, the sooner she can rest."

"Hrm... fine," Hilda grunts, "but stay close to me, alright?"

"Of course," Paula smiles in reply, "and thank you."

The four Scions continue their dash towards the enclave, Paula directing them from the back of the pack. She is keeping a brave face but it's easy to see from her slower-than-usual pace and her strained stance when she figures no one is looking that she's hardly in good shape. Even so, they press on towards the northeast and reach what Vanessa called the "Amram Gash": a twenty kilometer, deep tear on the earth that runs across that section of the island. It doesn't look natural, more like something almost cut off a piece of land.

Hilda gapes at the sight, having never seen anything of the sort. "Whoa... What happened here?"

"One of the many marks left by the War of Twilight. The stories say Amram, General of Sarel, did this during a battle with a Valnr back then," Vanessa explains, focusing more on scanning the nearby area. "The Northern Reaches doesn't have many of these – mostly by the center, where the bigger battles happened – but, around the world, you'll find a whole lot of huge gashes, craters, Atriums and whatnot from that time."

"There..." Paula interrupts, pointing ahead towards an enclave set deep within the gash. As before, a wide area cordoned off by a high stone wall and, at the center, a large building surrounded by metallic structures.

Owen shakes his head and crosses his arms. "This makes no sense. There is no significant Prana to be found in this part of the island, so why waste time with it?"

"Your guess is as a good as mine but they sure seem to care enough to send a Knight over," Vanessa says, busily inspecting the enclave with a Sight glyph. "Take a look."

Hilda and Owen both comply, casting their own spells and identifying their targets: about a hundred Revenants populate the enclave but, indeed, what's standing within the enclave's fort itself isn't the same as previous missions. While Drones presented themselves as somewhat bigger spots than the common undead, the one at the center of the building is even more so.

The Sight glyph reveals very clear distortions in the flow of Prana around here; the clear white light that's usually displayed is wavering, twisting and turning on several spots, like pollution on a river. A few are more significant than others but these will probably become more prevalent with each passing moment the pylon gets closer to charge. The world itself doesn't show any difference outright but the air does feel odd – coarser, like the smog-filled mining district in Litnir.

"Is it me or doesn't the enclave's main building seem different, too?" Hilda asks.

"Indeed. It is larger than ones I've seen before – a display of opulence by the Knight?" Owen wonders aloud, dispelling his glyph.

Vanessa places her right cheek upon her hand, thinking. "I wonder... But we'll worry about it once we clear this place up. I'll go in first, you two follow behind and you hang way back, Paula."

"As you wish, Lady Vanessa," she readily confirms.

"I said it before but I want it to be really clear: stay away from the Knight, OK? Try anything with it and you'll be dead before you even know what hit you," Vanessa warns Hilda and Owen, who nod in agreement. "Very good. Here goes, then!"

As with Ryouma, Vanessa manifests three nested, golden circles at her back which erupt into light. As it subsides, her armor's also transformed into a complete battle attire.

Vivid red, reinforced leather armor which connects to three armored tassets that run down her waist and hip. A pair of pauldrons made up of three oval shaped pieces stacked atop each other, held in place by straps which go around her chest in a cross pattern. Her laced leggings are now reinforced with armored cuisses which run down her thighs and to her boots' shin-guards.

Her left arm is fully armored, though her right one is covered by a studded leather glove. Finally, around her waist is her traditional red sash hanging down her left leg. All pieces are decorated with elaborate golden details depicting tree branches and wind currents.

Vanessa move onward at blinding speed – far more than Owen and Hilda can manage. Snow around her feet is blown far away with each step as she hones in on the enclave's outer wall. The Revenants start screeching as they notice her presence, beckoning those atop the walls to come over. That goes on for precisely one second.

Before anything gets a chance to move, Vanessa swings her spear sideways and an enormous gust of wind sends the entire section flying. The undead that weren't outright torn in half by her attack are crushed by the debris. That's fifteen less of them.

More are coming over but Vanessa leaves these to Owen and Hilda who are just now arriving. This is Hilda's first time witnessing her in combat, eyes wide open in amazement. Ryouma wasn't exaggerating her strength, that's for sure.

Vanessa forges on towards the main fort as the simplest swing of her spear rends asunder Revenants upwards of three meters ahead. A thrust sends out a wind arrow the size of a tree trunk, skewering everything up to ten meters. As a bonus, those skewered get turned into Swiss cheese, as the wind blows out from within their bodies.

Between Vanessa's onslaught and Owen and Hilda cleaning up any survivors, the Revenants go from a hundred strong to a mere twenty in the span on two minutes.

"Bah. The rest of these buggers are all over the place," Vanessa grumbles as she looks about the enclave's grounds. "Alright... Why don't you try this on for size?"

Vanessa manifests a tier two glyph on her left hand: two nested circles with various runes at the outer edge; at the center, three spirals that twist into each other, towards the center of the glyph, and then shoot outward. Raising the glyph above her head, Vanessa leaves it in midair where it grows until it is two meters in diameter. It begins spinning faster and faster.

With a snap of Vanessa's fingers, a large amount of the air element converges upon it and shoots off in all directions. Green streaks of energy run wild across the enclave, drawing random patterns across the air, tearing through the earth. They run down and pierce every remaining Revenant. Ten seconds is all it takes for the rest of them to be fading into dust.

Owen and Hilda join with her at the door of the enclave's fort, though Hilda seems a bit disappointed. "Wow, we didn't even get to do much."

"Haha... Sorry. I know you kids could've handled that but we're in a hurry now," Vanessa laughs, shrugging coyly. As Hilda pouts, Paula comes over via one of her portals. "How're you holding up, dear?"

She seems to have caught her breath, though her eyes still look weary. "I'm well enough... But, please, don't concern yourself with me. There is still the Knight to deal with, no?"

"And it's right up ahead, I think." Hilda adds, making a quick Sight glyph to confirm.

Owen nods and gestures towards the fort's entrance. "Lead the way, my lady. We'll cover your back."

Heading inside, the design of the place also shows some differences from the usual enclave. While the ones Hilda had seen before were built without much of a plan, this one does seem to have a design in mind. A main corridor stretches from the entrance towards the center, with several corridors splitting off from it and into different rooms.

There isn't anything significant in them right now but this one could stand head-and-shoulders with any of humanity's best and sturdiest forts. There's no time to poke around the place, though, as all Scions run down the corridor and towards the inner parts.

Soon, the corridor opens up into a wide, circular room. It is all made of dark stone and quite tall; several large, lengthy openings for windows hang high above the ground. You could probably fit some impressive stained glasses in those. The entire place is illuminated by various candlesticks and braziers but even without them, it'd be easy to spot the glowing pylon sitting atop a balcony overlooking the room.

The sphere of darkness atop the gray pillar is, indeed, pulsating rapidly and making this pounding sound. A hooded man is standing, cross-armed, beside it.

"Well... when I heard Scions were attacking, I did not expect the General of Taserus herself to be leading the offensive," he says in a sardonic tone.

Unlike the Drones they've previously fought, this one's robe displays intricate dark green details across its black surface.

A serious look lies on Vanessa's face as she answers. "You've all been uppity lately, so we figured we should send our strongest to give you what for."

"What an honor, indeed," the Valnr chuckles as he lowers his hood. "I am Nokor Disaris, knight and fourth in the hierarchy of the 7th Samdohn Platoon. You'll have to excuse how dreary things are here but it was only recently that I knew to expect guests."

At first glance, Nokor looks like any regular Valnr: a slim, fit build, pale skin, dark blue hair which he wears as a crew-cut and those empty, glowing red eyes. Of course, unlike the Drones, clear intelligence can be seen in his sharp-featured face and he bears himself with pride and confidence.

"I can see that..." Vanessa spits as she spots a body torn in half in the ground not too far ahead from them.

"Is that... our scout?" Hilda gasps as she identifies the alterium armor he wears.

"Your friend got a bit too close for comfort and wasn't quick enough to outrun me," Nokor shrugs. "The plan was to build this enclave in a pointless location in hopes you wouldn't find it in time but alas... At least his Prana provided good energy for the pylon."

Owen steps in with a question regarding that. "Why? What do you stand to gain by erecting an Atrium here when it'd have so little strategic value? There are no nearby towns or forests or anything."

"You do not honestly expect me to answer that, do you, human?" Nokor shakes his head with a sly grin. Vanessa raises an eyebrow, however, seemingly having an idea.

"Hmm... If we poked around this enclave, would we find a way to the underground?" she asks.

Nokor's scoffs at her question. "Seems like you already know a thing or two, huh?"

"How about you tell me this, then: were you in the southeastern region? Did you kill a High Scion there?" Vanessa asks with a tone of clear anger for her fallen comrade.

"Hmhmhm..." the knight chuckles. "Maybe I did. But that answer matters not to you."

"...You know what, you're right," Vanessa sniffs before gripping her spear and readying to charge at him. "We can figure that stuff out once you're dead."

"I would curb my enthusiasm, if I was you."

Nokor snaps his fingers and doors open up in his balcony and two others in the room; three Drones walk in, each one bearing a person in grip, bound by streaks of earth, fire and light, and holding a sword at their throats.

"When we took in your scout, I figured there was a decent chance you'd come running. Luckily, I had seen fit to bring these sad sorts along just in case," he says, walking behind the nearby, terrified man and placing his right hand on his shoulder. "As you humans say... tough luck."

There is no time for any of the Scions to react. With those words, five spikes of earth shoot from Nokor's hand and impale the man across the chest. Only a gurgling gasp is heard, blood oozing down the spikes, before life quickly fades from his body. The other hostages – another man and woman –, seeing everything from the clutches of their captors, whimper in horror as a small white stream of light emerges from the man's gaping wounds and floats into the pylon's sphere. It glows as it takes in the Prana and its pulse grows faster.

"You monster!" Hilda yells and looks about to attack when Vanessa gets in front of her.

"Stop! Don't forget the others!" she firmly commands.

Nokor's grin grows at the sight of outrage in Vanessa's face. "As you can see, this pylon is almost charged. If either of these two dies, it'll go all the way. Try anything and my Drones will end them."

The Drones hold their blades closer to the hostages' throats, their breathing almost stopping as they're paralyzed with fear.

"You may be a very strong woman, general, but could you save both of them in the span of about half a second it'd to kill them – and with me bearing down on you? Would you take that risk, even?" Nokor continues, greatly enjoying his position of power.

Vanessa's usually friendly eyes have twisted into a glare that could probably put the fear of death into any man, her hands clenching hard upon her spear. Owen and Paula, knowing this opponent is far out of their league, stew, indignant, at their powerlessness. They couldn't even move fast enough to safeguard one of the hostages.

Hilda, however, has been gripped with an ever greater rage – this was the first person she'd seen die at the Valnr's hands since she became a Scion. What's eating away at her doesn't come from wounded pride due to her lost streak, though. It comes from far deeper, bursting forth from the corners of her heart at the sight of an undead taking an innocent life. Vanessa's presence before her is about the only thing stopping her from attacking madly.

"But I am nothing if not fair. My honor would be stained were I to win with such methods... But maybe I can make you an offer?" he says nonchalantly, eyeing the Scions behind Vanessa.

"What offer?" she asks through gritted teeth.

"Much as I take pride in my skill, I know I cannot defeat a general. It wouldn't be very fair of you to attack me, no? Your young Novitiates, however, are a different story."

Vanessa stomps the ground in anger. "Are you joking? We both know you'd curb-stomp them and their souls would trigger the Atrium."

"True, true... but what if I could offer a more appropriate opponent?"

Nokor casts a spell, too quickly and too far away to make out. From his hand, a string of red energy emerges and flies towards the torn corpse of the Scion scout, from which a red orb of light emerges.

"You didn't...!" Vanessa's face contorts in rage further.

"As I said, I was expecting you people. This seemed like a good way to welcome you."

A burst of energy erupts from Vanessa's body as her patience wears thin. "I will not sit around and watch you corrupt the body of one of my own!"

"Would you rather I not do this and, instead, just kill those two innocents? How cruel, general," Nokor grins.

Vanessa looks at both the captives, the Drones' swords already drawing blood from their necks. Her eyes scan the room, searching for possible solutions, though her contorted eyebrows aren't sending a very confident signal.

Hilda can understand why. If Vanessa's as fast as Ryouma, she could easily save one in time; the problem, however, is the second hostage. What if she decides to risk it and fails? That'd cue the Atrium engulfing this whole area. It's a dangerous gamble and Hilda sees that Vanessa feels the same way, the general letting out a a frustrated snarl as she once again lowers her spear.

"Ah, I'm glad you are a reasonable woman. Now where was I...?"

The red energy from Nokor's hand envelops the scout's corpse, and "sews" both pieces back together. Rising into the air, twisting and turning, his tanned skin and shaggy brown hair quickly lose their colors, turning into a deathly gray. His dark eyes begin emptying out: first the pupil grows until it envelops the iris, then it continues until the entirety of the sclera is blackened. Finally, a red swirl appears at the center, twisting outward.

With one more flicker of his hands, Nokor sends a wave of energy through his string and into the dead scout, who unleashes an explosion of light. As the corpse descends upright to the ground before the Scions, the pained expression that lay on the scout's face upon death is no more. Now, his face is completely impassive. He opens his eyes to display the red void that now lies inside. The conversion is complete.

"A Risen..." Owen grunts, his face frowned in disgust by the ghastly display.

"What the hell...? They can turn us into undead, too?!" Hilda asks, horrified.

"Yes," Paula answers grimly. "The Prana in a human unravels minutes after death but, in that window, a necromancer can use their own to overwhelm and bind it. Human necromancers aren't strong enough to do that to us but a Valnr potentially can with Novitiates and High Scions...!"

"Well said, child," Nokor jokingly claps. "You'll find Risen to be far stronger undead on account of a Scion's spirit being oh-so-tempered by battle. Common humans have their minds destroyed by this but Scions keep just enough of themselves that we can tap their 'soul memory' – one's life experiences – and draw upon the fighting skills they had."

Hilda's jaw clenches tightly as her worry grows. "This High Scion is as strong now as he was before...?"

Nokor chuckles sinisterly. "Oh, no, no. As I said, they keep just enough, so there's some loss of strength. He's on the level of a Drone – which is good because two of you Novitiates are going to fight him. You win and the hostages go free... of course, if one of you dies then that's it."

"He's selling the Risen short," Vanessa spits, glaring at the tainted Scion. "These are the equivalent of an upper class Drone and those are far stronger than the common ones."

Owen steps forward with a determined look in his eyes. "And, yet, he forces our hand. I will face it."

Paula is still exhausted from her previous ritual, holding onto her halberd in order to keep herself standing. Owen takes a look at her state and sighs dejectedly.

"He wants two Novitiates. It has to be you, too, Hilda," Vanessa says.

Hilda nods in silence and tries her best to walk firmly, though she's reeling herself. Watching someone get turned into an undead in front of her eyes has shaken her to the core. This would be the fate of the hostages or, worse, of Owen else if she makes a mistake. She remembers his old admonition that she might end up getting people killed. No. She can't – she won't – let that happen. Whatever it takes, she'll see that everyone gets through this.

The two Scions step forward towards the center of the room, where the Risen awaits, motionless.

"Hilda. Hilda!" Owen calls out and then yells, pulling her out of her thoughts. Her hands are shaking once more and he's noticed that. "Concentrate. Can you do this?"

She meekly nods, clenching her fists as hard as she can to make the shaking go away. "Yes... I can. I won't let any of you down."

Owen's own nod is riddled with uncertainty at his partner but there's no other way about this. Nokor easily smells their conflicting emotions and his wide smirk shows that he is confident.

"This may well be the last bout of your lives, children. Make it a good one and hopefully you'll satisfy your 'gods' enough that they'll welcome you in Aetonem. Or at least make it entertaining to watch before your lives become kindling to our war machine!" he proclaims loudly before waving his hand.

As he does, the Risen roars and draws his alterium axe.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Megrim
Review
Megrim wrote a review · Sat Sep 10, 2016 11:35 pm

Things are ramping up now and I think we're finally getting to the meaty chapters. This is where the stuff happens! Feels like we're onto the beginning of the capital P Plot at last.

I was pretty into this chapter, until we got to the Valnr's request for a duel with champions. I don't understand why he's toying with them. He's the one in the position of power to make demands. Why would he even bother with this? What benefit does he have? Can't he just tell them what he wants them to do, and if they disobey, he kills the hostages? The MCs don't really have any choice. The whole duel thing seems convoluted to me. And he's putting himself in a position of risk that he doesn't need. He could avoid losing ANYTHING, but instead he's saying maybe he'll let them go, if they win. But it's completely arbitrary, and he's the arbitrator!

I also didn't like how everybody stood around info-dumping about Valnr and Prana and Risen, in the middle of this stand-off. That felt unrealistic to me. Everyone's teaching Hilda, and by extension the reader, the rules of how this stuff works, but this really doesn't seem like the time for that, and I don't think the Valnr has any good motive for it either.

I ought to comment on the POV. This chapter is a good example because we head hop a couple of times. There's a difference between omniscient and head-hopping, and what you have here is head-hopping. True omniscient is an unbiased third person narrator, who knows what's going on in everybody's heads at all times. To really do it properly, you have to look at storytelling a totally different way, eg instead of wondering about the secrets/withheld information, the tension comes from the question of HOW the characters will deal with everything. Dune is a really good example of this. For instance, you immediately know a character is a traitor, and instead of the tension coming from "who is the traitor," it's, "will they realize/get away?" Here is a good podcast on POV, that talks about all that stuff with omniscient vs limited: http://www.writingexcuses.com/2008/07/1 ... viewpoint/

I personally write a VERY deep limited third, so I'm biased. I feel like this story is trying to be limited and omniscient at the same time. Even though you're writing in omniscient, there's a lot that's withheld from the reader, and because of it there's a lot of narrative distance. It feels like the story you want to tell is better served through limited, but you want the convenience of head-hopping. I'm not sure this works super well, IMO.

It did strike me that part of the very distant feeling may be because there's a lot of telling vs showing, or telling AND showing. When that happens, I always urge writers to trust their showing. For instance, if you show something through body language, the narrative (or the dialogue) doesn't need to point out what the emotion is. I know how tempting it is to make sure the reader understands, but good writing is all about subtlety!

Heh, I didn't read the other reviews before posting this time, and I see I'm not the only one talking about the omniscient :P

Do you take hubris to be a human-exclusive trait? :P

Regardless, there's more to Nokor's actions than just that.

I have been writing as omniscient but have always tried to limit the omniscience. Seeing how so much of what I'm writing here is about peeling away layers from the characters, it didn't seem right to expose their thoughts as a proper omniscient would.

I did try to make a few breaks in the narration to denote the shift. Regardless, the only shift I actually need to happen is the Paula one - I'll edit out that quick bop into Vanessa's head.

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Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Thu Jun 16, 2016 11:27 am

Back again. Sorry if this one's super disjointed.

Something I noticed is that you're switching POVs again. I know this is technically omniscient POV and so I know it's largely intentional, but it still feels a bit jarring because the vast majority of this is told from Hilda's POV, so having it randomly switch to someone else's in the middle of a scene is never going to feel very natural.

I think probably the best thing to do would be to denote each POV change with an extra line break, no matter how short the POV change is. This will just separate it visually and make the transistion easier. If you switched POVs more often or had a more truly omniscient narrator, I wouldn't say you needed to, but since this is basically third person limited except for when you feel like switching viewpoints, I would say you really need the line breaks. (YWS tends to eat extra lines, so you can just put a little dash between the two paragraphs to signify the breaks.

I felt like, while you were in Paula's viewpoint, a few lines of dialogue just felt different from what her character would normally say.

You also randomly dipped into Vanessa's thoughts for a couple of lines, when she was deciding whether or not she could save both of the if she attacked. Again, since you're using omniscient, this isn't automatically a problem necessarily, but since you do it really rarely it makes it kind of jarring. To be honest, I'd say this novel fits a lot better into third person limited. True omniscient is usually characterized by a narrator who is almost a character in and of himself, indirectly commenting on the events. At the very least, you would expect less of the really deep POVs.

Think of it like a camera: true omniscient is generally like a film camera (that sometimes comments on what it's viewing, depending on the book) that is positioned high above the scene. One or two people may be the focus of any one shot, but it's not too close and that changes a lot. Third person limited is like a camera that hangs right behind the shoulder of the character, only moving when it moves to the shoulder of another character. This is a lot more like what's going on here.

Anyway, as for actual comments about the chapter, I liked it. It was action-packed and interesting, though I felt like the ending was a bit gimmicky with the ellipses.

I also really like Nokor as a villain. I don't know why, I just like how prepared he is for them and how it feels like he's toying with them.

That's all I can think of right now, although I agree with some of the things Skins said. Sorry this review was a bit shorter. On to the next part!

I see what you mean. Sometimes I make small tangents into other folks' minds and don't realize it. I've added a bit prior to Vanessa's thoughts to slow down the momentary transition.

On the Paula scene, though, I had thought the shift wasn't abrupt. It starts out in omniscient view person, relating the spellcasting process while also keep Hilda, Owen and Vanessa in the "shot" (to go with your camera comparison). After the %u201CShe%u2019ll make it%u201D line, the narration relates a bit more of the ongoing process and, then, fully shifts the focus to Paula as her consciousness starts fading. Do I need to add more?

Or am I completely missing your point on this one? :P

Finally, can you give a small example of one of Paula's lines sounding out of character in that scene? I can't quite place what you're referring to.

Cheers!

I don't know about the omniscient thing - I keep going back and forth on it because I just haven't read all that many omniscient viewpoint books. To be honest, I'd recommend that you read a lot of books in omniscient viewpoint. Then you'll start to get a sense for what is too quick a transistion and whether or not going that deeply into a character's is truly omniscient.

Hahaha%u2026 I must look pretty bad if you two are agreeing%u2026%u201D

It was mostly this line. :P

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Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review · Sun May 01, 2016 11:46 am

Heya, taking a break from revision, so figured I'd come on over here :)

“A Risen.” Owen grunts, his face frowned in disgust by the ghastly display.

“What the hell...? They can turn us into undead, too?!” Hilda asks, horrified.

“Risen, they are called...” Paula answers grimly, “A human’s soul Prana starts unraveling minutes after death but a necromancer can use their own to forcefully overwhelm and bind it into servitude before it fully goes. Human necromancers aren’t strong enough to do that to us but a Valnr potentially can with Novitiates and High Scions…!”


I'm being very picky here, but I think all this is kind of redundant, and feels a bit telly (as opposed to showy). I mean, we figure that's what this knight has done because you just described the process. Plus it seems like Hilda would've learned this by now anyway, I mean, I always assumed studying/learning about all this Scion stuff would be part of her training, and this seems like it would be pretty common knowledge to Scions (or even regular humans).

Okay, so, I really enjoyed this chapter. It was tense and dramatic and interesting, so massive kudos to you on that. The way it was written flowed very smoothly too, and it may be my favourite so far. Certainly one of my favourites anywho. You ended it in a brilliant place too because now I want to know what everyone's fate will be. I do kind of feel like Vanessa should just use Hilda and Owen as a diversion, and smash everyone to smithereens when they're all distracted by the fight, or even just attack the hostage holders in a similar secretive fashion. But hey, I just like violence. I can't tell where this fight will end up at the moment, which is great because that further entices me. I can imagine Hilda and Owen succeeding, resulting in Hilda finally being convinced of her abilities, but I can also see Owen (or perhaps Paula) meeting their end. It's all very exciting, anywho!

I do have some critiques, but they're all quite minor, technical things. As I said, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter overall so don't have heaps of meaty critiques. Something I want to mention is honestly probably just me being dumb, but I assumed there were at least a dozen Scions watching this outpost. Am I right? You give the impression that it's just Owen, Paula, and Hilda who are sent out to aid everyone in finding this knight, but surely the other Scions keeping watch here would go too? I'm kind of assuming that the rest were spread equally to search the other regions of the island, but only those three are involved in the conversation when Vanessa and co. appear... so I'm not sure. I just think that needs more clarity, is all.

Paula's abilities are somewhat bugging me. Up to now, she's appeared to be able to do everything really well, has abnormal abilities, and is only like 14? Or am I making that part up? Even if she isn't that young, the extent of her 'perfection' is a bit extreme for me at times. Even in regards to her personality, I mean, she doesn't really have any flaws. Owen is rude and arrogant, Hilda isn't the best with her abilities and lacks faith in herself, but Paula is kind of flawless at the moment. This is something I noticed before, but I think after this scene where she now has another ability on top of her already impressive skills, it's become a teeny bit much. In fairness, this is pretty much a total opinion based critique (if you can even call it a critique), so please do take it with a pinch of salt. It's just something you should maybe start thinking about.

Oh, also, speaking of Paula, why did they all travel to wherever and only then get Paula to trace the baddies? Surely, they could've just traced them from where Vanessa and co. appeared? Maybe the knight wasn't in range in that area, but they could've at least tried? And if the knight did ahve to be in range for Paula to be able to pick up on him, what would've happened if they'd travelled to this area, only for Paula to see nothing? Again, I'm probably just being really stupid here, but I don't understand why they travelled all that distance, and only then tried to trace the baddies.

Aaaaaand finally, I find it a little strange that Vanessa would've brought such inexperienced Scions with her to find this knight. By the looks and sounds of it, he is super difficult to kill, and is even a challenge for Vanessa. While Owen is good for a young Scion, as is Paula in fairness, surely it would make more sense to bring more experienced ones? Not necessarily another High scion because they're out trying to find this guy, but just some Scions who have been doing this for a lot longer than these three. Isn't in super risky? For the sake of argument, they didn't know they'd be the ones to find the knight, but even then the risk is still there. Plus it seems like it may have been sensible for Vanessa to call in some reinforcements once they detected the guy. This is sooooo picky, I know, but it was bugging me.

Despite the fact I've managed to conjure up a few critiques, trust me when I say this is one of your best chapters. The only reason I've thought of quite a few things is because I've had to really look for them, and so picked up on things I wouldn't usually due to this fussiness. It's mainly just small, technical details anywho, just stuff that needs more clarity. Anywho, before I make this review even longer than it needs to be, you know the drill. Let me know if you've got any comments or queries regarding this review, and I'll get back to you ASAP!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Hilda doesn't study much technical stuff - mostly it's spells - and spends her time training, usually. I figured this was the better way to expose details instead of having the usual "As you know" stuff. But, yes, it's obvious that the guy was brought into undeath BUT the important bit that really made me insert the line are the details of the process. Specifically, the "overwhelm and bind soul via Prana". This detail will be important later.

I absolutely do get what you're saying about Paula because I've thought about it as well. Paula does, indeed, have flaws and there are reasons why she's as good as she is. I've started inching towards that reveal with Josette and Amit's introduction. Mind, as Vanessa said, said two Scions also have that ability so it's not like this is exclusive to Paula.
Regardless, I hope you'll bear with me since I will explain this later! :)

On the subject of that ability - Corrupted Sight - I've mentioned in the chapter that its range is limited. Specifically, its about 100km radius. This is why they not only needed to get to Bathrust itself but they also needed to bring in Josette and Amit to be able to cover the length of the island ASAP.

As for Vanessa, nope, an Ascended Scion like her would steamroll the likes of a Valnr Knight - Nokor himself admits so, which is why he's resorted to this gambit. She brought Hilda and Owen along just as part of their training (Paula was needed to find the enclave) and the original plan was for her to wreck the Knight as soon as they got to him. There wasn't really any risk for the Novitiates but things went south because they didn't know there were more hostages

And while Vanessa could try to get them out on time, the problem is that she just can't risk being wrong in her estimation. If she is and tries free the hostages anyway, one of them might die and, boom, Atrium around this area. Is this not clear enough, you think?

Either way, thanks for the praise.

Oh, and there are other Scions taking part in this - they're just with Ragnar and Alexandra's teams!

Hm, okay, I get ya. It's definitely true that revealing information this way is more interesting than the typical telling us in the narrative way, so I certainly don't disagree with you on that! Just got to be careful sometimes because even revealing info via dialogue can feel a bit 'I'm saying this so the readers learn something'.

That's interesting, I figured there'd be some kind of connection, relation, relevance between Paula and those two, so it'll be interesting to find out more. I'm sure your explanation will help with the whole flaw issue, anywho, I have enough faith in you!

Ah, I see, I'd assumed this guy would be somewhat of a challenge for Vanessa, that makes a lot more sense now. And yeah, I was just being my violent self when I said I want her to go and slaughter everyone :P I don't think it's really an issue, just perhaps emphasise the risks as much as possible!



That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo - and it's worth fighting for.
— Samwise Gamgee