Young Writers Society

You've done such a fantastic job expressing the way people treats infatuation as if it's love. However just a few small notes:

We're should be I am.

There should be an A between not and crush

Hi there @Chitz!
It’s Selina from DoubleRiders here to review your work! You’ll have to forgive me, I haven’t reviewed in a couple years and I’m a bit rusty.
First off let me just say that I loved the thought behind your poem!!
To be honest, I left my account on Youngwriters a couple years ago because everything was changing. Poetry no longer had any thought, but was black and ugly. Your poem is like a breath of fresh air! I loved it! It is so very true that people do not know what love actually is nowadays, and this is actually very sad... they are missing so much. Love and sacrifice cannot be separated because sacrifice is love put into actions. So many people think that love is a feeling but it isn’t. If it was, I would be in love with every cute boy I met. Love is to WILL the good of another, even to sacrificing your own self for them. And who is the role model of all love? Jesus.

A few pointers:

“We’re talking about love, not crush you fools”

Is there more than one talking about love? I got the impression it was just you, and the “We’re” threw me off.
Also, I would write “a” in between “not” and “crush” because I read it like you were crushing the fools 😂

I hope this review helped! Keep up the good poetry, you made me so happy!!

~ Selina from DoubleRiders

So many people can relate to this. I can a little bit, however not a lot.
What inspired you to write this.

Halo @Chitz I am here to do a review on your work. first of this really sounds Realistic to me.

What I love about this
No worrying about the coming waves, this is just lovely so much love form your heart I really like the sound of the no Worrying of coming waves.
Without loosing patience and staying the same. I feel like this is just the word that I need for live right now because we do loos our patience and stay the same.
It has transformed into crush, changing then and now. it dose do that I mean really it dose even when you think you are just the same as the other person.

What I think is really true in this
Butterflies, happiness and smiling face. this is I think very true, I love this lines words of pa shin.
It’s easy to take great vows in love, I think this is true for it is easy to take great vows in love, some times you can think that love is just a lovely thing.
And equally hard to keep cause it’s tough. I agree with this for it is tough and hard to do this all.
It’s about connected lives and connected souls. I very much agree with you it is about all of this and the trust as well.
These are the few conclusions of today’s bonds, so true this is just so true.

The lovely riming
It seems lovely at first place,
Butterflies, happiness and smiling face. these two lines I think rime so well it is lovely. So that is all that I can Say about this lovely pees of work, keep on righting poems you are really good at it. also this is just I nice friendly review for you. best wishes from @EagleFly

@EagleFly out to seek and kill

Hi there Chitz! Niteowl here to review.

I like the angle this takes on the love poem. It goes beyond that first rush of infatuation that is the subject of so many love poems and touches upon the reality that lasting love is difficult to maintain. It then concludes that the definition of "love" has changed from an everlasting commitment to something more like a crush, a fleeting feeling.

However, I think it could go a little deeper. I find that poems about abstract concepts like love, sadness, or the meaning of life aren't the most interesting. They tend to sound similar to other poems about these subjects. For example, the third stanza sounds an awful like like statements I've read before about love.

So am I saying people shouldn't write about love or other big subjects? Not at all. I'm saying that stronger pieces tend to have a smaller focus that can then zoom out to saying something about one of these big subjects. In this case, I would maybe write about a specific couple or event that shows the difference between a fleeting crush and a solid love.

I'd also reconsider the rhyming. For one thing, the lines don't always actually rhyme (like "fools" and "souls"). Other times, it feels like a word is just there for the rhyme, like the addition of "wow" to the second-to-last line. In free verse, it's easier to write using the strongest words without worrying about the rhyme, which is hard to do well.

We’re talking about love, not crush you fools,

It has transformed into crush, changing then and now.