Note: Please do not mind the punctuation. Its a hard thing for me. I want the message to be conveyed nicely. And help in punctuation and other things is always welcomed.
Appearances are deceptive
have heard this from a thousand mouths,
but haven't found anyone till today
who feels this thing from his heart.
***
I always assumed that I was ugly
and this worsened my situation indeed,
cause everytime someone laughed in my direction
i felt as if the joke was me.
***
From my those childhood days
people used to remark at place,
that my forehead was protruded like a ball
and was smiling something i had done before.
***
All these words made me feel low
and hence my insecurities grew,
i wasn't able to walk with my head high
an inferiority complex grew inside.
***
I always wished that someone
would stop by my side,
and didn't mind to look
inside my big eyes.
***
But there's only a friend of mine
who tells me dude your eyes are pretty nice,
and this only sets my soul high
atleast someone noticed my eyes.
***
Between these chaos
someone dear came in my life,
but he walked off without having an eye
guess my appearance didn't pleased his mind.
***
So all these things made me compare myself
with those on whom my friends hearts laid,
but it ended up in a confusion being made
do curves only have a role in this play.
.
.
.
But now with time i have learned a thing
that inner beauty is everything,
these sexy bombs will defuse with time
but my originality will always be mine.
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
This was a sweet poem, with an important message.
At the beginning some of the flow and phrasing felt a bit stilted but as it went on it got more conversational and really ended quite nicely.
A few notes:
The line length consistency was all over the map. I'd suggest taking a double look at some of the lines that were too long or too short, not just so it visually looks cleaner, but this will help out the flow too.
Also for formatting I think that last stanza all the way at the bottom was a bit awkward on it's own, and should be moved up to be with the rest of the piece.
I couldn't quite catch if you had a rhyme scheme the last stanza certainly rhymed but the rest sort of didn't follow a scheme I could catch. Rhyming is great if you can do it in a way that doesn't seem forced or random, but if not, then sometimes it's better just not done.
You have some quite good word choice throughout: Particularally these words I liked with the piece, "deceptive", "chaos", "protruded", "originality". You sprinkled bits of imagery and narrative throughout the piece too which helped to keep me engaged as a reader. I would have loved maybe a bit more metaphor or simile though to really make some of these images and reflections pop.
Overall, this is a simple piece, but I enjoyed reading it to the end. Well done, good luck in all of your future writing, Chitz!
~alliyah
And this'll help you if you need any formatting help for the stanza breaks- Formatting poetry #3
Hope that helps!
I know the editor is a pain, the easiest thing to do is manually type in the line breaks in the code.
This makes me feel good, if I'm being honest. If I'm being honest, the grammar and punctuation were far from perfect, but in this poem, that's perfection in and of itself. You're speaking about inner beauty and not judging people, and I think that comes across in this simply from how the message shines through all the imperfections.
In the end, the empowering bit of how the narrator figures out that their individuality and inner beauty is more important than how visually appealing they are is beautiful, and I love how they realize that outer beauty fades.
Overall, bravo, I love this.
Thanks
*clapping enthusiastically*
This is a most needed poem that I feel that a lot of people need to hear! I love this! I needed this! It really makes you feel good about yourself and to welcome your insecurities. The amount of times I look in the mirror and tell myself that I'm ugly but hearing that I'm beautiful from another person makes me really happy. But when someone points out something about my appearance that they don't like it makes me question my looks.
I love that you kept the verse regular and was made up of four lines. Four represents completion and stability which I think resonates with the theme of your poem, of being comfortable with your own skin.
However, there were some word choices that I think could've been better. For example, 'date' in the line: 'but haven't found the one till date'. The first thing that came to mind when I read 'date' was a going out on a date with someone, which then made me confused at what you were implying. I'm not a poet but I think you should change this.
Another thing was a little of point was the ellipses that separated each verse. For me this had no effect on the poem and was only there as a visual representation of the separation of the different verses.
Other than those few negatives, I really loved this!
Thanks for the review. I will surely try to change that word.
And those ellipses were there because there was an editing problem and it was being published without spacing ,so I had to insert them. But I changed them to ***. Hope you would like it.^^
Oh okay thanks for clarifying that