I want to live like never before,
And enjoy this life cause it is meant to be.
I want to spread my arms wide,
And listen what the breeze says to me.
****
I want to conquer the highest of mountains,
And dive into the deepest of seas.
I want to feel that I am alive,
But not just by feeling my breathe.
****
I want to travel around the world,
With hand in hand with my besties.
I want to dance and sing and laugh,
So loud that the world sees.
****
I want to see every wonder on earth,
That symbolizes the great lives of beings.
I want to get inspired by them,
And tell everyone to live with same zeal.
****
I want to achieve such a state,
Where everyone can proud on me.
I want to live such a life,
That makes a difference in others' lives.
****
I want to tell everyone of you,
That live a life with some purpose.
It's important to make your presence felt,
And doing more than just exist.
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Canary word: Present
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140,866 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
I like this poem
The line "with hand in hand with my besties" is incorrect it should be "hand in hand with my besties" at least that whats i think, it sounds better like that.
Apart from that i don't see any other errors.
This poem has a personal effect on me, i feel this way and want to live the best life possible.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks.
Hey there! Lake here for another review, and also to hopefully keep The Blue Fish in the lead! So I only have a few things to comment on because you didn't have much to nit pick through!XD
So first off, I would like to say, rhyming is quite difficult, and you made it look really easy to do!
My favorite rhyme was
((The ones in red are what I liked!
What I noticed was that after this stanza, you seemed to stop rhyming? Maybe it was just me, but I thought that maybe you just couldn't find a different word to describe what you were feeling, and still rhyme with the other line.
I also noticed that in stanza two, you rhyme 'seas' with 'breathe', and 'breathe' doesn't really make sense in that sentence. Maybe you could try something else? Maybe change the sentence a bit so you can use 'breathe', but that was what I noticed first, and it really caught my attention!XD
You really described how you wanted to live though!
You made it noticeable how you wanted certain things so you could stay alive. And in some of these, I feel that I can relate! Like the last stanza, you say that you want to tell everyone that each life has a purpose and it's super important to make that presence felt by others, rather than just existing. I thought that this was the best stanza, in my opinion, because you really made a statement.
A life with no purpose is nothing. Making your presence noticeable by others helps to keep that special purpose! And it's more important than just existing, because that's what a purposeful life is: just existing.
So in summary, you did amazing! Except for one or two mistakes, you did well! I can't wait to read more from you in the future! That's all from me!
~L Lake
Thanks for your review. %uD83D%uDE0A
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
H-O-L-Y T-R-U-C-K! This is really good! There's just a few things that need a clean up.
"I want to travel around the world,
With hand in hand with my besties.
I want to dance and sing and laugh,
So loud that the world sees." There shouldn't be a comma after 'world and 'laugh'.
"I want to see every wonder on earth,
That symbolizes the great lives of beings.
I want to get inspired by them,
And tell everyone to live with same zeal." This is for all of the above from when you did this, when you put down the comma right before the and it's like a huge pause. (Please don't hurt me I'm just trying to help.) There shouldn't be a comma after 'earth'.
From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
I really don't know where to put commas and other punctuations. %uD83D%uDE01 I always make that mistake. It will be helpful of you if you'll tell me how to do that.
Thanks for the review also.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
To start out this review is that, well, nothing! I didn't notice anything wrong with your spelling, grammar or the flow so good going on that! I don't see many poems that have no mistakes, so congrats! And I like how you used these things, * (I don't know the name so, I just kinda... you get the point, I hope.), it was different from the normal dashes.
I don't have much else to say so um, yeah.
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Thanks a lot. Happy valentines to you too. %uD83D%uDE01
And **these things are called 'asterisk'. %uD83D%uDE01
Thanks Chitz!