Young Writers Society

Hey!

First, I'm just going to.... awwwwwwww. This is cute. Like, I need more info so I can ship.

Anyway, this is a fantastic poem. One of the best I've read on here so far. Great job with that!

The figurative language is simplistic, but it's beautiful. I love it. Spelling is perfect, grammar is perfect, the structure is perfect. It's overall just, simply, amazing.

You know, at first, I thought that this was going to be just another romantic poem. Like, typical, you know? Sure, I was going to read it, but I didn't expect a whole lot. Needless to say, you most definitely changed my mind. It all started with the line, "People say she smiled, she's okay". That was the moment my interest shot up several notches because it's a relatable line. For some reason or another, everyone seems to think smiles are never lying and that's usually not the case. I think everyone can point out at least one time in their life where their smile was the biggest lie they had ever told. I really love how the girl isn't just beautiful or happy or bright. She's sad. She's flawed. The speaker still loves her. I can't emphasize enough how much I love that.

Plus, you snuck a little bit of story in this poem and that sold it, let me tell you. I love works with depth, emotion, and real people.

Can't wait to read more of your art.

-M

this is so damn sweet! it's really nice, keep up the good work. just a tiny little nitpick: you missed a 'the' before 'sky' in the second line of the second stanza .
also, in your last line of the second stanza, it should be 'minds' as in the plural form.

but really, you can just ignore the tiny litte grammatical errs, they dont matter all that much. it's the words that count

happy writing!

Hello Chitz

This is a great piece of art you have here.
I can practically imagine the person you explain. It has a lot of emotions in it.

It has a very strong meaning to it and expresses a lot of thoughts. I love how you explained the girl with stars and dandelions. But at the same time she's looks perfect you also explained that she's not. The message is clear here, there's different ones but I caught them all.

When I read it I felt like I would cry honestly its beautiful.

I hope to read more of your work!!

Your friend Anma

Oh My god! I loved the poem. It literally made me cry. I loved the way you used imagery and a little bit of illustrations. It was like you were trying to tell a story and that's something us poem writers want. We want our audience to feel the story. Also I love how you didn't mention if this was a girl saying this or a boy. it gives the audience the feeling of suspense because now they have to keep guessing. Good job and keep up the great work.

Hey Chitz! Just warning you, I know literally nothing about poetry so ignore me if I nitpick something out of pure ignorance...
The only thing that I found disrupted the flow of your poem, is the last verse. (If that's what you call it )

"But how did I got here

When did I travelled this far

Am I falling in love with her

And fears her breaking apart."

I think "got" should be get, "travelled" should be travel, and "fears" should be fear. I'm not sure if you did that on purpose or not but it switched from present to past to present and it didn't flow well. Other than that verse, it was a good poem and I liked it!

Anyway, I liked the poem in general. To me, it was really saying that you saw her different than others and that's why you noticed her sadness. It's true, that when people don't love someone, they tend to miss their problems and fears. I don't know if this is what you meant but this is what I got out of it. My favorite part is the second last verse. It is the one that really struck out to me! It reminded me of myself...how people always think everything is ok but sometimes it really isn't. It is what struck out to me at least.
a.k.a. I like smileys