Writing about you is easy now,
Since I am out of fairies, dreams and vows.
Thought you were different, the one for me,
But regret resides inside now, I had forgotten me.
Those days were magical,
When I thought we were meant to be.
What came next was the sudden sense of else
That left me shattered completely.
I indulged myself in talks of you,
And dived in the sea, of dreams about you.
The smallest thought of you, slowed my heartbeat,
And that look of you, made me blush instantly.
Remembering the days,
When my whole world was you.
That dancing in the showers,
And humming sweet songs to the moon.
But now I am out of it,
My opinion about you has changed dear.
You must be the prince charming of all other ladies,
But they will also know one day, that you are not real.
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
Hey, not here to review, just wanted to let you know I really liked this
Thanks. %uD83D%uDE01
Hi. This is Kman134. I'm here t review your work.
This is the second poem that criticizes love at first sight and the perfect lover. when you one has their heart broken, these people will start seeing the world for what it truly is. there barely any magic in this world and that there is no such thing as a Prince Charming. True love takes time and patience, and finding the right guy, or girl, is filled with obstacles. if you can't face these obstacles, then you never know who you might be paired with and I guarantee you, it might be someone who will make your life worse.
"I indulged myself in talks of you,
And dived in the sea, of dreams about you.
The smallest thought of you, slowed my heartbeat,
And that look of you, made me blush instantly."
This was my favorite part. it shows the candy-floss and delusions of glimmer as your lust for this person blinds you with allurement. the similes of the sea and dreams symbolizes the romantics of love at first sight where one becomes enamored by this person while barely knowing who this person truly is.
anyway, this was pretty good. I hope to read more form you.
Thanks for the review.
Hi there Chitz! I have to admit I'm probably a little rusty because I haven't reviewed for about three months, but I may as well give this poem a go! This is Kays here dropping in for a review and without further ado, let's delve right in.
This first stanza seems to indicate especially with the second line that the speaker and the other person mentioned as 'you' in the poem have fallen out of love. While the concept's okay, the wording in a few of these lines can be changed to make the overall execution stronger. For example, in the second line I'd suggest changing 'wows' at the end to another word that keeps up with the theme of fairies and dreams for a better atmosphere. In fact, the main problem that I have not only here but in the poem overall happens to be the wording and execution. Words such as 'cause' and 'but at the beginning of lines two and four are filler and generally working unneeded words out of this piece can make this a lot clearer and less cluttered. While I'm not saying this is the only way to rework this first stanza, here's an example of what I mean by that:
'Writing about you is easy
now that I am out of fairies, dreams and wows.
I thought you were the one for me, that you were different
and now I regret holding onto you at all.'
That's most definitely not the best and only way to go about making the stanza flow better but in general, starting lines with words such as 'and', 'cause' and 'but' as you do multiple times throughout this isn't that great of an idea and comes off clunky--that's what I mean by unneeded words. Not only that, there's an odd use of commas in this poem that I wanted to point out as well. Let's use the second stanza for that example.
Before we get to the main point I want to make in a moment, I wanted to point out that the third line is awkwardly worded and instead of 'but my eyes had actually mistaken' I'd suggest changing to 'my eyes were mistaken' for a more direct line. Back onto the main point, the fourth line doesn't necessarily need a comma? There are more instances of where this happens and because I'm not going to go over all of them, I'd suggest reading the poem aloud for flow, where commas are and aren't needed, and so on. As for the content of the piece, there's nothing that I feel the need to comment on other than the fact that the flow and grammar is able to get in the way of the theme and main ideas at points. I found the concept of this interesting although the execution is able to become stronger with editing. My favorite part of this is the overall vibe and atmosphere throughout, so nice job on making that cohesive!
I hope I helped and have a great day! If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.
Well thanks for the suggestion. I will work on the shortcomings and edit the poem. Do see to it and tell what you think.
Hey Sharon here for a review. Okay, first and foremost, a very crucial point for any literary work is grammar. Yes, poetry never follows strict rules on grammar but you have made some basic errors which seem like careless mistakes but their repetition makes it appear as if you tried to write in a flow but missed out on prepositions and verbs here and there without which not only is the sentence incomplete but also it causes the poem to appear very casual. Secondly, whenever you are writing about your feelings towards someone use better vocabulary to express whatever you feel more clearly. Thirdly, I was really intrigued when you started the poem with "Writing about you is easy now" but the moment you use "wows" in the next line, it just takes away all the depth from my mind. Fourthly, I see that you have made an attempt here to use comparisons but I suggest you to think out of the box whenever you use metaphors or similies. I hope this helps you and be sure to notify me if you ever edit this work.
Thanks for the review
I have made the necessary changes. Please tell what you think about the modified version.
This is definitely a lot better. Still a few suggestions-
1. Instead of "had I" you can say "I had". Keeping the sentence as it is is allowed in poetry, so don't worry.
2. "that look of you" could be changed to "that look you gave". Sounds a lot better.
3. It's not "in the moon" but "to the moon".
I am sorry for being so critical about this work but seeing you have made an effort really impressed me and I thought maybe you would like more guidance. So, please don't mind this habit of mine and keep writing! You can do so well.
Highly appreciate your suggestions. Thanks a lot.
Beautiful, I adored reading that. The first stanza was so strong! full of deep meaning and worth definitely an attention grabber. I would think about avoiding slang such as "you were into" after such a classically styled stannaza, it did not really seem to mesh well. I would also consider not bolding words within your work. It takes away more than it adds in my opinion. Overall, this was tremendous. You did a great job of tackling the romanticism that is associated with true love.
Thanks for the review!
I think that the cut offs you pointed out were right and hence I made certain changes. Thanks for your review. It helped a lot.