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Don’t ever fall in love.

by Chitz

It seems lovely at first place,

Butterflies, happiness and smiling face.

This world turns into heaven in days,

No worrying about the coming waves.

It’s easy to take great vows in love,

And equally hard to keep cause it’s tough.

We’re talking about love, not crush you fools,

It’s about connected lives and connected souls.

Can you be happy in their happiness?

Can you feel the sadness in their pain?

Can you take up the job of holding them every time?

Without loosing patience and staying the same.

Will you not think you did a mistake?

Your life otherwise would’ve been an amazing place.

Will you not decide to leave them behind?

Shattering them into pieces whom you loved with all might.

These are the few conclusions of today’s bonds,

People more concerned about benefits than others’ loss.

Love has also a changed definition ,wow

It has transformed into crush, changing then and now.

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7 Reviews

Points: 79
Reviews: 7

Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:55 pm
HannaLynn says...

You've done such a fantastic job expressing the way people treats infatuation as if it's love. However just a few small notes:

We're should be I am.

There should be an A between not and crush

Chitz says...

thanks a lot for the review and pointing the loose points too.%uD83D%uDE04

User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 156
Reviews: 10

Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:19 pm
DoubleRiders wrote a review...

Hi there @Chitz!
It’s Selina from DoubleRiders here to review your work! You’ll have to forgive me, I haven’t reviewed in a couple years and I’m a bit rusty.
First off let me just say that I loved the thought behind your poem!!
To be honest, I left my account on Youngwriters a couple years ago because everything was changing. Poetry no longer had any thought, but was black and ugly. Your poem is like a breath of fresh air! I loved it! It is so very true that people do not know what love actually is nowadays, and this is actually very sad... they are missing so much. Love and sacrifice cannot be separated because sacrifice is love put into actions. So many people think that love is a feeling but it isn’t. If it was, I would be in love with every cute boy I met. Love is to WILL the good of another, even to sacrificing your own self for them. And who is the role model of all love? Jesus.

A few pointers:

“We’re talking about love, not crush you fools”

Is there more than one talking about love? I got the impression it was just you, and the “We’re” threw me off.
Also, I would write “a” in between “not” and “crush” because I read it like you were crushing the fools 😂

I hope this review helped! Keep up the good poetry, you made me so happy!!

~ Selina from DoubleRiders

Chitz says...

Oh thanks a lot ! I love to write and after watching a short film, %u201Cthe millionaire%u2019s first love%u201D I had to write this poem. I was so emotional. You can give it a try too. And yes , I can crush those fools who treat love as an everyday game.%uD83D%uDE04

User avatar
18 Reviews

Points: 607
Reviews: 18

Thu Sep 27, 2018 9:41 am
carlak2003 says...

So many people can relate to this. I can a little bit, however not a lot.
What inspired you to write this.

Chitz says...

what inspired me to write this is the changing relationships these days. people are no more in true love with a person for lifetime. they change their partners then and now. rarely a relation lasts for everythwere. the old romeo and juliet concept is no more seen. it has changed a lot. and people can relate to it with their level of understanding and experience . i repect your prespective. good day.

User avatar
273 Reviews

Points: 22533
Reviews: 273

Thu Sep 27, 2018 3:58 am
Dossereana wrote a review...

Halo @Chitz I am here to do a review on your work. first of this really sounds Realistic to me.

What I love about this
No worrying about the coming waves, this is just lovely so much love form your heart I really like the sound of the no Worrying of coming waves.
Without loosing patience and staying the same. I feel like this is just the word that I need for live right now because we do loos our patience and stay the same.
It has transformed into crush, changing then and now. it dose do that I mean really it dose even when you think you are just the same as the other person.

What I think is really true in this
Butterflies, happiness and smiling face. this is I think very true, I love this lines words of pa shin.
It’s easy to take great vows in love, I think this is true for it is easy to take great vows in love, some times you can think that love is just a lovely thing.
And equally hard to keep cause it’s tough. I agree with this for it is tough and hard to do this all.
It’s about connected lives and connected souls. I very much agree with you it is about all of this and the trust as well.
These are the few conclusions of today’s bonds, so true this is just so true.

The lovely riming
It seems lovely at first place,
Butterflies, happiness and smiling face. these two lines I think rime so well it is lovely. So that is all that I can Say about this lovely pees of work, keep on righting poems you are really good at it. also this is just I nice friendly review for you. best wishes from @EagleFly

@EagleFly out to seek and kill

Chitz says...

thanks a lot. means a lot.

Dossereana says...

you are very welcome. :D

Chitz says...


User avatar
1197 Reviews

Points: 28261
Reviews: 1197

Thu Sep 27, 2018 12:38 am
niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there Chitz! Niteowl here to review.

I like the angle this takes on the love poem. It goes beyond that first rush of infatuation that is the subject of so many love poems and touches upon the reality that lasting love is difficult to maintain. It then concludes that the definition of "love" has changed from an everlasting commitment to something more like a crush, a fleeting feeling.

However, I think it could go a little deeper. I find that poems about abstract concepts like love, sadness, or the meaning of life aren't the most interesting. They tend to sound similar to other poems about these subjects. For example, the third stanza sounds an awful like like statements I've read before about love.

So am I saying people shouldn't write about love or other big subjects? Not at all. I'm saying that stronger pieces tend to have a smaller focus that can then zoom out to saying something about one of these big subjects. In this case, I would maybe write about a specific couple or event that shows the difference between a fleeting crush and a solid love.

I'd also reconsider the rhyming. For one thing, the lines don't always actually rhyme (like "fools" and "souls"). Other times, it feels like a word is just there for the rhyme, like the addition of "wow" to the second-to-last line. In free verse, it's easier to write using the strongest words without worrying about the rhyme, which is hard to do well.

We’re talking about love, not crush you fools,

It has transformed into crush, changing then and now.

There's some grammatical errors throughout the piece, but as this one is such a big part of your message, I thought I would point it out. "Crush" is singular, so the first line could read as "a crush" or "crushes". The same is true in the second line, but I feel like that's a bit awkward, so you might want to reword those last two lines if you revise this.

Overall, I like the meaning of this poem, but I think there might be a stronger way to convey it. Keep writing! :D

Chitz says...

thanks for the review.

Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
— Dr. Harrison Wells, The Flash