z

Young Writers Society



A tale in a letter.

by Burrow


A tale, it is were I come from. A man I am not, nor was I born an animal. The most logical assumption, a beast. I do not have a religion, yet I believe I am ruled. I do not find love, life is easier. I don't have family, I simply fight myself. I see no beauty, I speak no beauty, the world doesn't give such wonders to a monster.

I am Chrome, my life is simple. Yet I yearn for more.

I go forth, the way I want. Venture toward the frontier. Climb the peaks of Contle. Swim the tides of Lucknow. Some call me a traveller, one searching for peace of heart. I am but a boy, on the edge of adulthood. I was discarded, from my race, thrown into the frostbite of sealder. I would not kill. Simple, I was the first known Chrome, to disobey, go against our heritage.

I am hunted, I am the last living Chrome. I was thrown out of my race, before the massacre of Frena. The Gods above had blessed me, gave me a second chance. My call for more, it had been answered.

I am haunted by what I must to, to you even understand?

I am writing to you Ella, telling you the story, I hope you accept. You must bring forth the world from Gundear. Hope, peace, love. They are controlled. They are prisoner to the darkness.

Will you help me save the world?

With Sincer love, Raknow.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 483
Reviews: 10

Donate
Wed Dec 24, 2014 7:16 pm
View Likes
Anlon wrote a review...



I like this, it's really imaginative and dramatic and your language gives the piece the effect it deserves.

I definitely see the potential for a series or something with this piece. You've already created so much detail with such a small text, y'know?

With time and effort you could have a really cool and successful series on your hands!

Maybe, if it were to become a short story or something, simplify the language a bit? Y'know, to engage a wider group of readers.

Well done, I really enjoyed reading it!




Burrow says...


Thanks mate :)



User avatar
86 Reviews

Points: 1287
Reviews: 86

Donate
Wed Dec 24, 2014 5:43 pm
View Likes
WaltzingDreams wrote a review...



Hey Burrow, just passed by! :)
Got really interested with the title because I've seen a lot of stories told in correspondence :). I just have to say that you did a good job here. I've written in this style too, but I haven't tried compressing everything in one letter. I commend you for that. Just a few corrections here and there...
"A man I am not, nor was I born an animal; the most logical assumption, a beast."
"I do not find love, life is easier"...... It is a bit vague if you mean that it is easier to find life or to live, or it is easier to live without love. If what you imply is the latter, it would sound something like.... "I find life easier, for I don't find love."
"Simple, I was the first known Cheome to disobey-go against our heritage."
"They are prisoners to the darkness". "Sincere"

Also, it would also help if you stated who is Ella for this character......something to build tension :).


Well, that's all! Hope this helps!

-Sybil (waltzingdreams)

[ps. Happy Christmas!]




Burrow says...


Thankyou alot :)




The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.