1 cut, at school.
For the boy who cried.
2 cuts, at night alone.
For the boy I hate.
3 cuts, under the covers.
For the wrong I did.
10 cuts, home alone.
For the self hate dwindles in the dark.
11 cuts hidden in the cupboard.
For my unsuspecting mum.
20 cuts hidden behind a tree in star light.
For the people I hurt.
A body covered in a cuts,
running out of room.
One last option.
1 stab in front of the mirror.
No reason needed anymore,
except of the left behind facts.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I like the concept of the poem how the cuts kept getting more and more leading to the end my only thing is what inspired u to write this bc hopefuly ur not cutting urself or anything but this topic us a very sensitive one to wrrite about but thats none of my business what you do .nothing bad about the poem in my opinion keepy writing n hopefully you write more ill b looking out for it ..
-oldsoulxoxo
My huge critque for this poem is 'why?'. You're telling us the narrator is cutting for all these reasons, but you never really share. That creates a disconnect between the reader and the narrator. We don't feel like we're inside their head, so we honestly don't care when the narrator stabs themself. It's like we're watching from afar and none of this really affects us. I want it to effect me. I need you to make it effect me. So, tell me why. Tell me why I should care, and make me feel as if the narrator and I are one and the same. Figure out how to do that, and you'll really have something here.
I don't want you to care
then what's the point of the poem at all, if you're not trying to make a reader feel or think?
There is no point to it, you can choose to care or not.
Wow I was blunt back then sorry
this was very well written. it gradually got more intense as you read and you didin't know where this was going. I really liked this part:
A body covered in a cuts, (I'm pretty sure that a shouldn't be there)
running out of room.
It really hit me.
it tells how severe the cutting is.
oh well. I'm done.
great poem
Thankss
I love this Burrow! You outdone yourself!
Thankss
Burrow,
I like the way the lines are fragmented—cut, even—suggests a nice tie-in to the theme in a form and function sort of way.
In that second stanza, I suggest ending the lines on night and hate, so it reads: 2 cuts, alone at night. / For the boy I hate. This is a purely aesthetic suggestion - I think it will add more of that bite and that cut-esque feel to the poem if you end those lines on the 'ts such as in night and hate.
Plus, your night alone repeats again with "home alone" a few stanzas down. The loneliness of the poem repeated and such is a really powerful emotion, I just wish there were more ways to say and express it then purely telling it. Other lines such as the "hidden in the cupboard" // "hidden behind a tree in star light" do a much better job of showing the loneliness without saying it - it becomes more subtle and therefore more potent.
There's a typo in here somewhere :3
I love the idea of connecting the cuts to facts. The poem, too, was laid out in a matter-of-fact way, and I think it really captures the feeling too. I know depression isn't something that a person simply shakes off, or walks out of, it simply becomes a thing that exists, a fact of that life during that particular time. It's a really neat and cleverly constructed poem, Burrow. Love it.
~ as always, Audy
Thank you Audy
Hi! I really enjoyed reading this poem. The format was unlike any I've ever read.
I especially liked the ending of this piece. The events led up to it nicely, yet it was unsuspected by the reader.
The only part that confused me a little was the line "A body covered in a cuts, running out of room." I'm not sure if you meant to put the "a" there, and if you did I apologize.
This was a great piece--keep writing!
--eva
Thankyou Evairo