It hit me,
to realise,
that I can write anything,
and in a way,
it is imbedded in history.
.
So I say the following,
when I pass away,
one or two they may,
care?
.
But I don't want to be cared for, I want to write down,
in no form of writing to say.
.
When I am long gone, and the clock has turned,
remember this:
.
History is defined by what society chooses it to be,
we can continue, or we can change.
.
Make the history, be the History.
.
But the word of the present,
the tongue you speak,
it will affect the present.
.
And ultimately the history.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hi!
Really short review here. Oh well. >.<
So, wow! I loved this. It was short, but right to the point and I absolutely love that.
The only suggestion I have is to combine a couple of stanzas.
These really didn't need to be seperate stanzas. Since they're both the same thought (and you're using a colon), you should combine them.
That's really all. The rhythm on the poem: amazing. It had that certain voice to it, y'know? So kudos to you for that.
Thanks for writing this awesome piece!
~ EternalRain
Well, what do we have here? Good work with that one hand of yours, burrow.
Hope the other one will be back on the keyboard soon!
And you are really good at that! lol
Should I review it? Well, I really liked it and if I like something, I get kinda biased and never highlight the weak points in it. But I still am gonna review it. :p
It was really cool and inspiring. I liked it a lot. But the formatting... Well, in my point of view, it could have been better. Ever tried using that mini "Shift" button, on your keyboard, along with the enter button? It would make the sentences closer to each other and make the stanza look better. And well, this is what I think - and nobody cares what I think
Also, may I know why did you put a period (if American) or a full stop (if British) after every stanza? I mean, I don't see a reason why you'd do that? Sorry, I know I am kinda creepy. haha
I won't really talk about grammar because I kinda suck at it
Everything else seemed right to me. I hope you'll keep writing such inspiring poems in the future. And get well soon
Haha usually I work better on the formatting when I have two arms haha, but thanks for the suggesting and the review
Hi Burrow! Interesting poem you have here. I really like the idea of our actions becoming history. My one suggesttion would be to get rid of the "to others" in the second to last stanza because it interrupts the flow of the writing for the reader.
Great poem, please write more!
Thankyou