z

Young Writers Society


12+

Is this a dream?

by Burrow


Life

Is it real?

or is it a dream?

Are you real?

Define real?

________________________________________________________________________________

I want to define real, but I am stuck between what I think is real, and what I want to be real.

I wake up every morning, believing everything I see is real; or is it a dream?

Is this me writing here a dream?

Or is it real?

When you read this are you asleep or are you real? To you think so? that you are real? or are you a  fragment of my dreams, my imagination?

_______________________________________________________________________________

My parents gave me a tablet they said it would make it better! It just makes me fade, slowly forget. Everything feels like a dream, everything feels real, but is it?

It makes the dream world slowly fade into the real world. I feel like when I wake up I am going to sleep. When I am asleep I am awake. Is this making sense to me this whole reality of my life?

_______________________________________________________________________________

There is a boy I know, he has friends yes. But are they really just a dream to him? am I just a dream to him? Am I a dream to you?

Am I just letting a boy, one who is alone be treated like I treat you, that you are apart of my dreams? Let him be ignored, say he isn't really real, let him be alone. With no true friends!

_______________________________________________________________________________

I know a girl who gets bullied, but she is my friend. Or is that a dream? is it a dream that I stick up for her? That I really do care? The boy I know is that really him or is it she, mixed up in the world of my dreams. Slowly mixing together they make a cake of my imagination?

Is this all a dream? I find the definition of dream odd...

_______________________________________________________________________________

An succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.

Is it not more complicated, it is destroying my life. Should I not wish it was?

_______________________________________________________________________________

I am awake yet I feel asleep. Is this world real, for it does not feel real. I find my self repeating. Or is that just a dream, did I only write this once?

Is this a dream?

_______________________________________________________________________________

I want to know is it all real? or is it all a dream?

I want to know, oh so much I need to know. I feel like shouting out.

IS THIS A DREAM?

_______________________________________________________________________________

I blame it on the tablet...

_______________________________________________________________________________

Or is that a dream?

_________________________________________________________________________________

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32 Reviews

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Reviews: 32

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Thu Nov 20, 2014 10:26 pm
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haven235 wrote a review...



Here's a review, as requested!

I'll apologize right away: I can't really help you improve this much. I'm not really adept at abstract pieces like this. This seems to be a stream of consciousness sort of piece, which is just a sequence of thoughts written down as they are being thought. So there are bound to be errors, and personally I would leave them to keep the essence of the style of writing.

But if you'd like to make changes, here are a few suggestions:

Define real?


I'd change this from a question to a command.

When you read this are you asleep or are you real? To you think so? that you are real? or are you a fragment of my dreams, my imagination?


I'd rewrite this paragraph to:

When you read this do you think that you are awake or asleep? Is what you're reading real? Are you even real, or are you a fragment of my dreams, my imagination?


My parents gave me a tablet they said it would make it better!


Along with this being a run-on, I don't understand what "it" is, and why this sentence ends with an exclamation point. Is "it" life? Your perception of reality? Are you angry that your parents told you "it" would be better. Did "it" get better?

I also agree with Artemis' suggestions.

I'd say that this is an interesting experiment. Thanks for sharing.

-Haven




Burrow says...


Thank you I appreciate this :)



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209 Reviews

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Thu Nov 20, 2014 7:37 am
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artemis15sc wrote a review...



Okay. Let me start by saying I really liked the format. I think it worked perfect for this piece. Gave it a very dream-like feel.

Overall, I think it flowed nicely. However, the constant question of "Is it real?" Got just a bit repetitive. I do think there needs to be a little bit of repetitiveness in this piece, or a feeling that it comes in a full circle without really going anywhere, but I think that will work best if it's subtle. One way you can do this is to find new ways of phrasing the question, is it real. So it feels different, even if it is the same.

When you read this are you asleep or are you real? To you think so? that you are real? or are you a fragment of my dreams, my imagination?

This is the first I felt like the question, is it real, started to get a bit overboard. Also there's a few grammar mistakes here. Do you think so? And the next two sentences need capitalization at the beginning.

Here are two other times where I think you could avoid using the word real.

Everything feels like a dream, everything feels real, but is it?


Is this making sense to me this whole reality of my life?

I think this sentence needs a comma or question mark after me, otherwise it reads weird.

Somethings you could do to make it different are using different words like illusion, figment of imagination, deception, facade, mirage, etc... You could also try describing what this unreality feels like, or what it looks like. You could also try delving into the subconscious. What does our mind do that makes us think something is real on unreal.


And that's all I got. I like the way you ended it. It was fun and interesting. Pushing your creative limits and doing something different is always rewarding, and you definitely pulled it off.

Thanks for sharing!

-Art




jackm1999 says...


Thanks for the suggestions, I agree with you:)




"I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!"
— Feltrix