Imaginary Friends - 14: You Oughta Know

You Oughta Know

I launched the picture at the bed, but it fluttered down lazily despite all the force I’d applied. It didn’t even land on the bed.

The bangles still lay in an overlapping heap on the carpet by Sara’s dresser, so I picked them up and placed them there, as intended, instead of retrieving the photo. I wanted a moment looking away from my unnaturally threatening duplicate. Having skimmed the other documents on the bed, I got the feeling that the file was a mini investigation into me.

‘What are you going to do with it?’ asked Mercy.

‘Take it’, I said on impulse. ‘I’ll read it in my room. We can’t lurk in Sara’s room anymore. Let’s find out what she knows and how bad it is…’

I left the room with the file tucked under my arm, politely turning off the light and pulling the door to as I went. Sitting cross legged on my bed, I set the folder down in front of me, opening it with a painstakingly minimal grip.

My chest tightened. The first piece of paper I came to was that haunting newspaper clipping, the one which had been there tripping me like an extra stair since the day it was published. What a colourful picture the black-and-white print painted!

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked it, unsure why I felt the need to say this out loud.

‘Uh, Layla… you’re talking to a piece of paper”, Mercy remarked.

‘Wow, I had no idea –’ I began, before it hit me.

Sara had read all this, and she’d chosen to create the file. There must have been a reason, something she thought wasn’t right, that led her to… what conclusion? I became gripped by the rest of the pages, dragged through their terrible version of events.

‘I can’t believe that Sara had all this in mind while I was talking to her earlier’, I said, horrified. ‘Just supposing she doesn’t trust me anymore? It kills me to imagine her thinking me capable of murder.’

‘Maybe she doesn’t think that’, replied Mercy. ‘We both know she hates to jump to conclusions. If I were her, I’d probably be just as confused as you are right now. For her, you’re caught in the no man’s land between Crazy Girl and the girl she used to know.’

‘Back to square one, is what you mean’, I grumbled. ‘Labelled as something I’m not – just the reality I’m on the run from…’

‘It’s up to you to change the label. Don’t just sit back if you don’t like it!’

‘I tried with Aiden, and look how that turned out’, I snapped.

Mercy was persistent. ‘Sara’s not Doc’, she retorted.

The war of conscience between me and myself raged on late into the night. After the nightmares, I could easily wake up and make the wrong choice, which was why I kept fighting sleep. Somehow, I didn’t hear Sara come in…

The next morning, my mind was made up.

‘Jeez’, remarked Mercy. ‘I’m about to be smothered with tension. How can you stand it?’

I told myself that this was a morning like any other, made myself eat breakfast and everything, but that was as long as I could keep up the charade.

“We need to talk”, I began. Sara said the exact same thing, in harmony with me. “Really, really need to talk.”

“I’ll start”, said Sara. “What were you doing in my room last night?”

“Putting back the bracelets you let me borrow. That was all I was doing, until I found this.” I held up the file for her to see.

“That’s… just me trying to tie up a few loose ends your story presented”, Sara replied. “It doesn’t mean I’m judging you solely on what’s there – that would be like putting together a jigsaw with half the pieces missing. On the other hand, this is part of the story, and I recall you neglecting to mention it.”

“How did you find all of this stuff?” I asked. “You can’t have got it from just anywhere.”

“At work, there’s a database for practically everything, including mental patients, for want of a more delicate term”, admitted Sara. “The file consists of all I could obtain without a warrant.”

“I’M NOT MENTAL!” If nothing else, I had to get that point across. “Of course, that depends on your perspective”, I finished acidly, backing away from Sara.

“So put it in perspective for me, Layla!” Sara thrust an open palm towards me in a typical go-on-then gesture. “You should know better than I of the gaps that remain in your story.”

‘The floor is yours’, said Mercy with mock grandeur.

I prepared myself by taking a deep breath, a nervous twitch in my hands. “That day in the newspaper article, I – I might have had something to do with it…” I faltered, hanging my head in shame.

Sara dropped her hand from in front of her mouth. “Tell me you didn’t kill that man.”

“Long story short, I can’t”, I replied.

“Don’t spare me any details.” Sara’s tone fluctuated between the two meanings of her statement. “What do you mean, you can’t? We have plenty of time for that long story.”

“I blacked out on the way home that day”, I told her. “No matter what they tried at the institution, I never remembered a thing. Consider it the million dollar question.”

“How convenient.”

“Do you think for a second that I’d have let Aiden keep me as long as he did if I knew?” I asked, hardly believing the suggestion. “The premise only worked because it was nothing more than his word against mine.”

“Fair enough”, said Sara, “but why couldn’t you tell me this when you first arrived? Why let me get the wrong idea on my own?”

“In my defence, I didn’t expect you to go behind my back and dig up my past”, I protested. “I thought I could trust you.”

“You don’t realise what that file means, how it makes me feel. What I don’t know is hurting me.” Sara’s speech quickened the more she said. “It’s like there are two people I’m dealing with: the Layla I know, and this – this other person the file alludes to. I am trying my best to wrap my head around whether you are both, or one, or neither. And you’re worried about trusting me!”

Sara had very efficiently countered me. Once again, she’d unintentionally related to my secret, as I realised how often I thought along similar lines when I stressed about Mercy.

In response, I couldn’t help but tell Sara what I’d learned from my experiences. “Logic won’t help you now, Sara. It won’t do anything about this”, I said, indicating myself with a flourish of my hands.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asked Sara as I turned my back on her to walk out.

“Leaving”, I said over my shoulder, ignoring the fact that she was following me. “I think I need to get out for a little while.”

Sara reached in vain for me. "Layla, wait -" 

Just the same, I zipped up my boots and pulled the hood on my jacket up. Then I was ready to leave, without even knowing where I was going to go. Pushing the handle, I threw open the door, expecting to hear it slam as I ran in the direction that took me. I presumed Sara had been fast enough to catch the door when there was no such sound.