Water Changes Everything

I found myself writing lost of poems like this one. Trying to think about the what if's. What if I did give up and end everything now? What if I did walk out onto a busy highway would anyone care? I struggled and no one knew about it. I kept it all in which was probably the worst part. I could see how easy it would be to just not be here. I wouldn't have to stress about college or what my future plans are. It seems so easy to just stop.

I found myself writing lost of poems like this one. Trying to think about the what if's. What if I did give up and end everything now? What if I did walk out onto a busy highway would anyone care? I struggled and no one knew about it. I kept it all in which was probably the worst part. I could see how easy it would be to just not be here. I wouldn't have to stress about college or what my future plans are. It seems so easy to just stop.

Hey Autopilot!

The title of this poem brought me running to it, I think it alone is beautiful and conveys something meaningful doesn't it? Water seems to me to be so vibrant and full of life as everything&everyone's life source. So there is truth in "Water Changes Everything". I was interested to see the direction where this poem would go, and I am maybe just a tad let down that there was no other reference to the title throughout the poem. I am curious to see what your own meanings/decisions behind the title and the relationship of the poem is. Chat me up, we can have a fabulous discussion.

So the poem itself is full of powerful, emotional-heavy concepts and themes. I think a lot of readers will walk away feeling something. The voice of the narrator alone does it for me, I think. Some of your word choices can be improved, though. There are places where it falls flat and hollow, for example, "my emotions run rampant" is a bit of a cliche. I get what this line is trying to do though, and I love that it gives a more physical, concrete image of your emotions, like your emotions are personified and running. However, I think you can do better, more specific and more concrete to really give it more power and impact. This is a great opportunity as well to tie it back to the title - perhaps the emotions don't so much as "run" on two legs but surge and swell like the course of running water. Those are some suggestions, but really, any more powerful verb/noun will suit you here.

I think the line "How is it that this world really that twisted?" is not needed as a rhetorical. I think the lines you wrote before it: My youngest sister is eleven ... and already struggling with depression" suggests that already and it is powerful. Perhaps the last line in that stanza could refer to an image of the speaker's sister, pale with dark circles to really hit the image home. Perhaps the last line can be more declarative than rhetorical -- "this world is twisted in rotted vines and thorns" something of the like to give it more of a punch.

I am not too much of a fan of the end - I feel like the poem is powerful, and certainly because it speaks in true words and sincerity, it is not badly written, is it? It gives the sense that the speaker is giving up in a sense, wants to express, but does not really believe in it. I think it takes away from the poem at this point in referring to itself. Allow the reader to form his/her own opinion and get his/her own enjoyment. If the speaker really felt this way, what would be the point of the other 3 stanzas?

Just my thoughts. Hope it helps.

~ as always, Audy

Hello, there!
So, I'd like to start by saying wow. You see, suicide is one of those topics that, unfortunately, is so wrongly addressed and it actually needs a lot of attention. I really liked the fact that you took that and let the words build into a poem. Pros to you for it!

I'm not truly specialized in poetry since I only to fictional prose, but I did notice something here, "It's just all to stupid". I think you meant, "too" instead of "to.

Now, this is a really minor thing, so don't worry much about it.

But hey, other than that, I thought it was easy to read and I enjoyed it!

Hope to see much more of you around here!!

Sincerely, Writer1204