z

Young Writers Society



Tears Are For Faeries

by AutoPilot


Tears are beautiful
Like little bits of your soul
Tearing loose to reveal
What lies inside

But they are for hiding
Because if people see them
They will think I am weak
And I need to be strong

Tears are for people who have too much
Piled up on their shoulders
Who need to lessen the load
So they let it pour out

But I am strong
And my shoulders are broad
They are capable
Even if I'm not

My tears need to stay in
They shall manifest but
They will never be loosed
They are my pain to bear

They hurt to hide
Because I need to be glass
But if I am
Then my tears will be seen

They slosh around inside my heart
They fill the gaps between my thoughts
They fill the emptiness of my soul
And fill me with sadness

So instead I am titanium
Strong and hidden
Unbreakable and indestructible
An impenetrable fortress  

I cry only in the dark
Where my face is unseen
When I'm completely alone
They are my secret inside

-----

But tears are beautiful
For emotions and feelings
Meant to be seen
In confidence

Tears are also strong
Because they show we are human
We aren't robots
And so we feel

They rip loose quickly
Like a cheetah
They go quickly
And disappear like a snake

The tear at you like sharp claws
Running free like a wild animal
Causing roars
Ripped from your throat by monstrous hands

They show your weakness
Help you release
Call for help
And slow your thoughts to a deadly calm

-----

Tears are for Faeries
They are both weak and strong
To be hidden and seen
To feel or let go of

For those magical sprites
Who go quickly
Causing mischief
And add to torment

For the trolls
Who make themselves and obstacle
Who push their way through
And wield them like weapons

For the elves
To make into beauty
To craft into a diadem
To be seen and understood

-----

This is all from me
When I cry
I think I'm weak
I should be strong

But I am weak
I need to be happy
Bouncy, and sweet
No tears for me

I am a statue
My heart is of gold
It is bright
And meant to be seen by all

My mind is a coil of wire
Twisted hopelessly
Hard to untangle
And thrown away

But my soul is stone
Obsidian and quartz
Hard as a rock
Keep everything in

If my soul was colors
It would be black
With swirls of dark reds and greys
And patches of dark blue

Those colors have meaning
Black for all the feelings I push away
Red for blood an grey for hurt
And blue for depression and sadness

-----

So tears are for faeries

And feelings are for the strong

And if you woke up to the colors of my soul

What would you do?

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User avatar
472 Reviews

Points: 25
Reviews: 472

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Thu Feb 11, 2016 5:38 pm
Lightsong wrote a review...



Alright, I'm going to review this one.

Tears are beautiful
Like little bits of your soul
Tearing loose to reveal
What lies inside


I think you need to work on your wording more. At first read, the third line confuses me. Tearing loose? How do you tear 'loose'? If tearing loosely, I understand, but this one doesn't make much sense.

But they are for hiding
Because if people see them
They will think I am weak
And I need to be strong


Again, wording. '... they are for hiding...' means you use them when you want to hide. Like, the tears are the way to make you disappear or something, which doesn't make sense. 'But they are to hide' or 'But they are not shown' are examples to convey the tears aren't shown for people, because of the persona's thought that 'they will think I am weak'. The last line is hanging. 'And I need to be strong'... for what? The word 'need' begs for more explanation.

Tears are for people who have too much
Piled up on their shoulders
Who need to lessen the load
So they let it pour out


Hah. How about tears of happiness, of joy? It seems like the persona views them in a negative perspective, or in a narrow one. But I digress; I'm here to analyze this, anyway, and I have to agree that if something's too much, one would cry to let it all out.

But I am strong
And my shoulders are broad
They are capable
Even if I'm not


There's a lack of connection between the first and second line. If you use 'and', you're separating the idea of strength with broad shoulders, when it's apparent here that they're joined ideas. Using 'because' instead shows us the persona is strong because he has broad shoulders, that he says 'capable' even if he's not. A bit more explanation to the last line would make this stanza more complete.

Anyway, I continue reading the poem, and I think the imagery is just... too much. I think you can do with trimming this poem, cutting down all the less necessary parts and elaborate more on the important ones. Also, this poem can do with punctuations. I'm not sure about you, but there are some lines here that confuse me because of their lack of punctuations. That's just my suggestion, though.

That is all. Keep up the good job! :D




User avatar
26 Reviews

Points: 138
Reviews: 26

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Thu Feb 11, 2016 12:03 am
restlessheart14 wrote a review...



Hey restlessheart here! I really liked your poem and felt as though i could relate on a more personal level. It was very well written in my opinion with great analogies and imagery. I found it a bit strange how you added faeries and trolls in writing but i grew to like them in it. I also liked how you had different colors for the narrator's soul and what each color stood for, but there were a lot of "and's" in the color meaning stanza (maybe clean that up a bit). Overall great poem! I really enjoyed reading it. As always keep writing :)





It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore