E - Everyone Violence

Lilac Hummingbirds Of The World, Unite!

On the window sill.
Its wings illustrious with thrill.
A wingspan wider than the air.
The skies had found its new heir.

This was not to last.
Human intervention with a blast.
Silver bullet through his rainbow chest.
The prince had fallen; who was to be next?

Comments & reviews · 4
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There is a great story told in this poem. The rhyming was perfect as I read. I kept up with the beat, which was really good. A good beat means that the reader could read it well. You only have one minor error, which I'll help fix.

First line: "window sill" is "windowsill." One word.

I always find that word is always misspelled because it sounds like two words. Oh, well, what can you do about that? Any other way, I love the poem. Though it's short and bittersweet, it gets the message across.

Hey there, Scarlet here to review!

Guess what? Your my last review for today! Congratulations!

This was actually a really good poem. Beautiful and gives off a grand message.


I do have a few nitpicks thought.


I think that some of the lines could've been lengthened.

On the window sill.
Its wings illustrious with thrill.


This could be made into a whole sentence itself.

Here I'll show you:

On the window sill, Its wings illustrious with thrill.



This was not to last.
Human intervention with a blast.


This could also be put into a whole sentence.

This was not to last, human intervention with a blast.



Other than that, it was brilliant. My favorite line in the entire poem would have to be:

A wingspan wider than the air.
The skies had found its new heir


and

The prince had fallen; who was to be next?


It's well written, In my thoughts I think when it refers to the 'prince'. Your talking about the center of nature itself. Trees, right?

I loved this poem and you've earned yourself a 9 1/2/10.

Great Job!

http://cdn.crushable.com/files/2012/07/Thumbs-Up-Emma-Stone1.gif


With love, Scarlet; Scout of the Sycamore Cabin

User avatar
Kelpies
Comment

I like this poem! Sad, but true.

User avatar
EmeraldEyes
Review

Hello handsome.

So this is a really pretty poem. Which is unusual for you because there isn't any blood :p

On the window sill.
Its wings illustrious with thrill.
A wingspan wider than the air.
The skies had found its new heir.


This is all very metaphorical and it's purddy durddy language. I like that. :)
The bird is obviously the main focus of this stanza. I don't think you've really written about nature before but this was really good. :)

This was not to last.
Human intervention with a blast.
Silver bullet through his rainbow chest.
The prince had fallen; who was to be next?


And you couldn't just have a happy work could ya :p
I should have guessed. There was ALMOST blood with this in reference to the bullet, but somehow you managed to keep it clean. A bird could resemble peace and lilac is a fairly timid colour.
This was clever. And ending with a rhetorical question is always a killer. What happens next!? :P



Does anybody else passive-aggressively refresh the page to see if anything you said made it into the quote generator?
— GrandWild