Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
I was the child that was stolen
And you did nothing to help.
In fact, you seemed pretty contempt,
With literally no attempt,
To avenge me. My name in vain.
May you feel my wrath;
my pain.
You let him get away
You bastards. You should have seen.
A distinct, unique, and hard-to-ignore,
Gentleman,
Who kidnapped me. No mention of my name.
Town stigma;
stigma around my pain.
Oh well.
I'll see you guys in hell.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Hey there, MasterGrieves! There isn't really much to say about this poem. It was pretty good, although it seemed sort of like a rant, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I did really like the last part/stanza though. I laughed a little when it said
"Oh well.
I'll see you guys in hell."
Yeah, other than that, there isn't much to say. I give this a 4.5/5.
Hasta la vista,
DeltaEcho
AdjiFlex here to give a review...
So your speaker here is a child that was stolen and the whole ordeal was completely ignored by whoever the "you" represents. Problem is, the "you" in the poem is not nearly as developed as the "I", so the poem is very lopsided. There is also a "him" in the poem who apparently did the stealing, ruining the speaker's life. Still, which is quite interesting, the speaker forces much more blame upon those who watched the crime silently than the actual perpetrator. This idea here does well to reflect a reality - if we can't grab hold of who is to blame, we tend to blame and punish someone who is in our grasp.
I think the poem could have undergone a lot more development though, as the story here has lots of potential. So the speaker will be going to hell as well as whoever watched the crime occur, or at least the speakers thinks though. Well innocent people don't go to hell, right? So what is it that the speaker is really guilty of? This could probably be focused on some more.
Overall, not a bad poem, but not a great one either. If you want, you could make some development and link me for another review.
Heyo
this bit made me laugh. XDSo you've written another work.
personally, I don't think this was as good as the last one. It's another ranty work, where the unnamed character just goes on and on about an issue. :/ It's not as interesting to read.
Formal review:
What Went Well
1. You wrote down a coherent piece of literature that continues your strong voice.
2. The formatting has clearly been played around with. This makes it look like a disjointed theme tune. So yeah... I guess that works for a kid who was been traumatised.
3.
Even Better If
1. I feel that you lost sight of character in this, and that is important when there isn't much of a plot, this is just event description.
2. Now you've gone off the opposite end of the extreme and you are using punctuation WAY TOO MUCH. I kept stopping in the middle of lines where you had placed the unnatural pauses and it made reading and understanding difficult.
3. Some of your meaning is blurred in places. Something about this being written from the perspective of a child? I didn't understand this line for instance:
Did you mean content? Because that would make sense, although it may not rhyme as well. I dunno.
Anyways, keep writing.
I love you ♥