She’s making a poet of herself
And she doesn’t even care
Must be nice to be so nonchalant
Not even aware
The people in the crowds are watching
She’s got her audience
She becomes their marionette
And they watch her prance
A dancing child for the masses
Where did her love go?
Disappeared as a mere bite of the mind
And soon fear took hold
Oh, how fear was her downfall
Locked herself in her own house
Built a wall around the perimeter
So she couldn't ever get out
This young poet would die at old age
No sunlight reached her aching lips
Instead, she relied on her many collections
That no-one would ever read or keep
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Hello! Team Aqua has come for a review!
I'm going to go through the nitpicks first, so here goes...
I think it would sound better if you changed the second line to /And/ not even aware.
So she could never get out might be better.
Okay, now I tell you how much I loved this bit...
It's really relatable. So many of us won't be published. It will just be us and our beautiful collection of words.
Nice job.
So it seems from the opinion youve effexted here that you have a suspicous outlook on the future of a poet. In the first paragragh you relate your feeling that youve acheived an sudience and a demand you can supply, but this is not where your true passion lies. A marrionette dancing to the tune of thier desires. Instead your passion may lie in private works that you keep from the public eye, considering it unsuitable. Then you relate your initial confusion at this loss of inspiration by saying "where did her love go?". In the end you say the sun light will never reach the poets lips. Does this hint at a desire to be discovered by the public? A revival of that former passion? Anyways, good writing, the grammer works, and your all set.
Hello again.
Technically this is a collaborative effort.
So I am not going to review the first two stanzas because I understand them very well. *cough cough*
Anyways....
This work is very depressing, which you have said yourself. I like the fact you kept the stanzas regularly. The rhetorical question works well and the "mere bite" phrase sounded cooool.
It has a very "woe is me" kind of quality to it
I feel the first stanza is a bit heavy on the language. You've got a bit of purple poetry going on there
Well done.
I love you ♥