My Goddess

Bonjour mon cher!

To be honest, I thought this was another of your dark works. You have this very rigid style in your works, where the stanzas are the same length and the lines are pretty much even and they all rhyme and it's just kinda boring and safe.

My goddess looks upon me

Leaves an acrid taste of the tongue

Desolated hopes in crystal cages

She likes to rape love of the young

My goddess is a monster

Makes my heart bleed in lacerations

I can't look her in the face now

Nor can I stop, through fascination

My goddess slips through me

Evaporating in my gullet

Pain prickles through me to make

Swallowing more painful than bullets

My goddess spins the world now

Dizzy grasping, clutching all falls

She is going to abandon me soon

In consciousness her death voice still calls

Hi there,
Perfectionwriter at your service.
On with the review.


I love the words here. They give an amazing feel. That's what i love about poetry, you can feel it within your soul. I love how you put it together. I love the flow of the words; the magic. I felt like i was within your world. I loved it so much. It was truly great work. Please keep writing. I love your work.

Hey! Retro here to review!

First I shall do some nitpicks then talk about what I liked, okay?

'She likes to rape love of the young'

I don't like the wording here. I feel as though it's missing some words. Maybe something like She likes to rape the love of the young...yeah I think that is what is missing.

'Makes my heart bleed in lacerations'

Can the heart bleed in lacerations...doesn't it bleed with lacerations...or is that me being dense?

' Nor can I stop, through fascination '

This isn't a nitpick but a suggestion. Could through be changed to something like due to?

'Swallowing more painful than bullets'

Again, not a nitpick but I would change 'more painful than' to 'feel like'

'Dizzy grasping, clutching all falls'

I think you need a comma after clutching.

Right onto what I like. Well, I loved it! Like seriously, all my little edits are because I want this perfect because I think it is so well done. I love the idea of the alcohol being a person. So yeah this was epic, bravo.

Keep it up!
*Liked*
~Retro

Hey there, 567ajt! GreenLight24 here with a review for you on this terrific Thursday morning!

Before I start this review, I'd just like to outline how this is gonna go. First, I'll talk about some of the things that I thought you did very well, and then I'll get to the constructive criticisms later on in the review.

*unicorn flies in* *pushes me away from laptop* *shouts* "OKAY! OPERATION REVIEWSTORM:START!"

The first thing that really stands out to me about this poem is the metaphors and similes you used to describe intoxication. Your whole idea of alcohol being a goddess is profound, well thought out, and well-executed. Now that I think about it, I'm not really sure just how many other metaphors out there would work so perfectly to describe it. I also found it interesting when you begin the second stanza by saying "My goddess is a monster". This shows that the speaker realizes that it's bad for them, but they are still unable to break away from the monster's clutches and to free themselves from the pain that it causes. Throughout this entire poem, there are instances where the narrator blatantly expresses his or her disdain for alcohol, saying that it "rapes" and makes "Swallowing more painful than bullets.", but at the very same time, they still acknowledge alcohol as their goddess and something that they could not live without. My favorite part of the poem is the last stanza because you literally take the reader through the journey of intoxication and describe the thoughts of the narrator while under their goddess's spell if you will. In a way, you;ve made the relationship between alcohol and the narrator analogous to an emotionally abusive romantic relationship in which one person (the alcohol here) constantly breaks the other down, and the other (the speaker) refuses to try to break the vicious cycle because of the physical stimulation. (which could be sex) the other one can give them. That was awesome and added a whole new layer to the central themes this poem. You could even run with that and pose a larger question about human nature: Do we value physical/carnal stimulation over spirituality/morality and what we know is right? This poem was very interesting to think about. Great job.

Now then, for the constructive criticism. Don't worry, I don't have much to say. lol.

*unicorn flies back in* *knocks me away from laptop* *shouts in a much louder voice than before* "OPERATION CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, START!!!"

The only real piece of criticism I have for you would just be a simple suggestion that you go back and proofread this a little bit. Your spelling and grammar is virtually flawless, but it's always worth it to proofread your writing, no matter how awesome it already comes out in the first place. The most obvious place I think you could make an adjustment would be the last line of the first stanza. I understand what you meant by "She likes to rape love of the young", but I think there's a better way to word that phrase. To be honest, it doesn't really take much away from the general awesomeness of this poem, but that line does seem to flow a bit awkwardly.

Overall, this was a very interesting poem to contemplate and was also a pretty entertaining read. Thanks for sharing and I hope this review was helpful for you. Good job and remember, Never Stop Writing!