I was sewing many a wretched seed,
when temptation led me astray.
The sun toyed with illustrious beams
and soon I had to get away.
The harvest was rich in blood-red sinews,
the types only the devil spawns.
The sort interwoven within you
which will never be reborn.
Shackles and chains which stiffen the ankles,
they disappear when the sun yells.
Yells which any landlord strangled
To keep tenants in their Hells.
I saw different, and crept late at night,
underneath a twilight in a rush.
It was only in realms of moonlight
that channels of thought weren't crushed.
A deep intake of breath as feet whisper,
a cold contempt as sharp as nettles.
Nostalgia hijacks train of thought
with young me picking petals.
The wonder years never looked so distant,
especially with conflicts these days.
The happiest days resistant
to labor and talk of slaves.
In that moment, floodlights from God's tower,
[was it God? The sky was so jet black.]
They shone in the reprisal hour
and then I had to go back.
God didn't show up with His modesty,
but with a guard's attire and gun.
That sealed the deal, that honesty
ended any hope to run.
Torture mechanisms were His Heaven,
as mutinies encouraged revenge.
Locked inside cell #7
with no one who will avenge.
Deep cuts into the scalp of God's street child,
now reserved in a farm with no door.
A scythe cutting through a world wild
on keeping me on all fours.
Shackles and chains firmly back into place,
still a red-haired cousin of the camp.
Through every mark on my burnt face
I still hoped to shine a lamp.
Back to sewing many a wretched seed,
no temptation to lead me astray.
The sun toyed with illustrious beams
but I couldn't get away.
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Uni here for a review!
This is beautifully described, and gave me so much imagery I didn't know what to do with it! I know that this may be obvious, but what does sinews mean? It is not exactly among my vocabulary.
"Locked inside cell #7 " I like how used the a specific number instead of saying something along the lines of, "Locked inside a cell."
I won't get into the technical poem things, because I myself aren't much of a poet...
Anywho, keep up the AMAZING work!
~Uni
I really love this poem. It tells a story while still staying true to the art of poetry. Those are always my favorite poems! The story has a brilliant plotline. The symbolism is fantastic.
Back to sewing many a wretched seed,
no temptation to lead me astray.
The sun toyed with illustrious beams
but I couldn't get away.
I love this. She returns to her old spot of boredom. She continues to work again in for the terrible fate of repetition! Hoping and yearning for redemption. But no again till death. She is chained into place, she must must work. No hope for anything more.
The harvest was rich in blood-red sinews,
the types only the devil spawns.
The sort interwoven within you
which will never be reborn.
I love this part too. The vocabulary used is simply breathtaking. The way you describe everything. Each little word fits into place just like it's supposed to. I LOVE THIS POEM! KEEP WRITING! IT IS ALL FOR FANTABULOUS!
Couldn't be better. Loved it.
Hello youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu <3333333333333333333
Now for the review...
So.... I told you already that this work seemed genius after you explained it to me! XD
It's another one of your profoundly "heavy" works but I love it. I also love you
I like the narrative voice in this poem. The personification of the sun also adds a tone to the work that makes it seem rather menacing. And the last line of the first stanza sounds somewhat like a song.
Your diction in this stanza is very aptly chosen. Also, I like the extended metaphor of the blood and the devil. Also... your traditional mention of blood is in the piece, so we know it's written by you. XD
These two stanzas embody the 'slavery' image surrounded with the work and its deeper meaning. I think you have quite romanticised language in this poem: 'realms of moonlight.' But it contrasts well against the stark reality of the topic discussed in the poem.
You seem to talk about war/conflict in pretty much all of your works, but in different forms. It also addresses different aspects of it depending on the work, in this case, your "plot" concerns one man's struggle, but it's based on a battle that others would have had to face also. It's very cleverly written.
The religious imagery in this work was a very good idea because it communicates your point more clearly; and also contrasts: slavery vs. religion and freedom. Or are the two linked?
You've made good use of alliteration and other literary devices in these stanzas. The repeated references to "Him" are important in the continuity of your work, but it's definitely present. And the use of parenthesis in the earlier stanzas links this together with thoughtful details.
You've used both specialist vocabulary and a sort of mini allegory in these final stanzas. It cyclically links with the mention of the sun at the start of the poem and reveals the trapping nature of the conflict that this unnamed character faces.
I wouldn't know how to define this work because it's too complex - in a good way.
Amazeballs job.
~Yours. xxxx
*hugs*