A Most Macabre Affair

Hi, Tiger here for a review,

This is an interesting short story, and from the little I've read of Kafka I would say it's somewhat Kafkaesque in its oddness. You make good use of imagery too, particularly in the introductory paragraph.

However, sometimes your sentences are worded really strangely so that I have to read them a few times to really understand what's going on. Like here, for instance:

the assailant approached very slowly, never once letting his psychopathic abysses easy not to fall into

The way you've used negations in that sentence makes it extremely awkward to read, and I'm still not entirely sure I understand what you were trying to say here. Try and be brief in your description sometimes, as long instances of imagery contrasted with brief sentences can really help establish a good narrative flow. Other sentences are a little awkward and also a little contradictory at once, like so:

a mysteriously jade colour, the sort of shade of green associated with envy.

It's not really a mysterious colour if it can be identified as jade green, and if you meant to describe the jade green colour itself as mysterious, well, that's a strange description. It just sounds a bit odd. Also, perhaps this is just me, but the 'green with envy' colour I normally associate with a bright green instead of jade, which is kind of dull.

His smile could have been easily mistaken for an animal's snout

Comparing his smile to that of an animal is good for the creepy effect, but there isn't any threatening about an animal's snout; it's just the protruding bit on their face with the nose and mouth. To make the threat clearer, perhaps make the comparison more direct? Like 'mistaken for a lion/predator's grin.'

Sitting next to him, his bedroom a tip, the clown’s gloves were burnt and savaged.

The bolded bit is an entirely unnecessary description, as the narrative isn't focused on James' bedroom and in his terror he really shouldn't be concerned about it. Also I'm not sure what's just happened here. Did the clown walk over to him and put his gloves down? Did the clown suddenly sit down on James' bed with James' staring at his gloves, for some reason? I'm not sure this sentence is necessary either, as it's a bit confusing.

Why did this unstable man, obviously on his way to some fancy dress event, stop by James’ way, a man of integrity, respect, and- above all- power and security?

I don't understand why it's important for the reader to know about James' integrity and respect and all of that. I don't understand why James is dwelling on it either, or why isn't asking the clown how he got in or hitting him away, if his horror has suddenly disappeared. While I do understand that Kafka made his characters act strangely, he didn't describe their thought process in the way you have. The way you've described it, it simply makes be think that James should really have acted by now, not that he's a Kafkaesque character. I'm not sure I can accurately describe what I mean though. Also, it's odd that the clown is suddenly being referred to as a man.

as there had been talks to The Fraternity in previous meetings at his firm, but the method of gaining attention certainly did not match James’ expectation.

Again, the wording here sounds awkward and stilted. I believe you meant 'talk of' instead of 'talks to,' and everything after the comma just doesn't flow well (to me). Maybe something as short and simple as 'but he hadn't expected this.'

The awkward language continues in your speech, which again, lacks a natural flow. I can forgive the clown's speech, as I think his stilted language is actually Kafkaesque, but for James' it doesn't seem right. Sentences like:

“But could you care to explain why you have decided to inform me, in this hour of all hours? The hour of sleep?”

are simply not something anybody would say. At all. It just sounds strange and completely unrealistic. His question after that, though, is both natural-sounding and a natural reaction in his alarmed but no-longer-horrified situation.

What I would generally advise you to do is to read your story aloud once you've written it, to see whether it sounds like it's coherent and whether it has a natural flow to it, e.g. if you have to consistently pause in your reading, then you may want to change some things. But the concept of the clown appearing in his room is interesting a short story, it's simply the execution of it that you may want to practice and perfect. So keep writing, because you can only get better if you keep on trying.

Tiger