The wallpapers of the night
have begun to peel in paint chips,
little morsels to be poked and prodded
till they shatter like glass and are swept
into human palms that throw them back up,
the little bird with broken wings to fly.
And so we sing twinkle twinkle little star,
oh how I wonder not what but who you are.
Oh moon that shines so bright,
oh wind
that carries our sorrows loft so high,
up above worlds so nigh.
The kite of a child's soars above
leaving him to cry and sniffle,
to say
mama, the boy by my side left me
all grown up now shoes on the ground.
Stars that twinkle and open their eyes,
wave goodbye to strings left behind.
Bye innocence, bye imagination,
bye happiness and bye bye love!
Here comes the sun and the rooster
calling to tell us young minds
to rise from bed and shut out dreams.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,507 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hi. this is kman134. i'm here to review your work.
You referenced the lullaby "Twinkle Twinkle little star" and gave ti an existential twist to the lyrics. the way it was written was pretty thought provoking. the beautifully haunting view of the night sky was well descriptive as every philosopher discusses staring into the void to find meaning in the world.
the second part turned from beautiful and emotionally cathartic, to depressing and somber. it repetitively mentions the loss of happiness and childhood when morning comes and you no longer dream as you step back into the nihilistic cynical reality known as the real world.
the emotional overtone of the poem was spot on, shifting from happiness to sadness in an instant, and the metaphors were well-written.
Anyway,this was pretty good. i hope you write more.
Hello! LadyShadows here for a review!
However I must say, that I noticed that in the description that this poem was supposed to be lyrical. If writing lyrical poems, I always think that it's a great thing to make it rhyme. (I'm not sure if any other poems you had were lyrical, but if so, I'm sorry for not noticing) Maybe you don't have to, but I feel like it's a good thing to give the poem flow. But being lyrical, however, I noticed that it did have the deep, expressing emotion that it had. Good job! I must also say that the poem did seem kind of wordy. It may just be me, but in case, just be careful. Overall I enjoyed reading this poem, and I liked it 
Have a nice day and keep writing! 
This is an interesting poem. I liked this. This was not half bad at all!
Whoops I didn't mean to mark it as lyrical. Thanks for pointing that out!