Young Writers Society

Hi, J here for a review.
Ok then that ending got a little dark and creepy, so you might want to rate this poem a little higher incase someone gets triggered by that kind of stuff. Anyway that is pretty much my only bad note, you had some places that need commas but you can fix then by just reading the poem out loud and seeing where you need to take a breath or add some suspense.
What I do want to say is that I love the speakers voice. You set the voice early on and its easy to see. I can tell he is a well-off young man who isn't used to falling in love then having his heart ripped out by a black-haired cobra. You could really evolve this poem and add more references to the character and what he is going through.
Over all this was a great poem with a lot of potential.

Good Job and Keep Writing!!

Awww, I really like this ^.^

I like the way you've got a love poem from the POV of a character rather than just yourself. Or at least, that's what it sounds like. "quite the well-spoken fellow" makes me think of some well-off man who isn't used to falling in love, as if that's for the baseless peasants or something. I think you could go quite far with this if you wanted to, add in more classical references, maybe even references to other characters. But all of that's only if that's the direction this was meant to go in. At the moment what you have is strong but subtle enough that it works as its own thing within a wider poem.

I'm a little less convinced by the Snake's Tail part of it. I think it's two metaphors. Ie the guy is drunk, but also the woman is a snake. In quite a short poem, that's probably too much to squeeze in. If you are going to have the snake metaphor be super important, probably have it in from earlier. Personally I would either focus on one metaphor, or have a much longer poem where the metaphors evolve from each other.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits