Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Lyrical

Mature Content

Alcohol Jigs

by Aleta


Bass tearing through my chest,
slurring on tales of
One Thousand and One Nights,
cause I'm trying not to get killed
by this alcohol
and I just keep talking, keep blabbing
because I'm a man with the gift of the gab.

And when the night rolls by, my energy
is never drained, never faded. 
Its always there, ready to accompany me
through multiple all nighters.
I've got ants in my pants
and I'm ready to set myself on fire.

Arm in arm we screech and laugh,
having a grand ole time with friends.
Dancing
like we were kids again.
My words worshipped like a prophet,
drunken speech praised with a clap on the back.


Sweat stuck to my chest,
rolling  in beads down my head.
So high...so high, I'm flying
on Aladdin's magic carpet.
The drunk life isn't a healthy life,
but it's hell of an enjoyable one.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
141 Reviews


Points: 606
Reviews: 141

Donate
Sun May 28, 2017 2:34 am
View Likes
Thisislegacy wrote a review...



Legacy here for a review.

I haven't ever read a poem that romanticised being drunk in such a way. (I honestly love it).

You have the imagery there, I could see some parts while I was reading it.

You have some nice comparisons that I haven't ever seen put together such as "My words worshipped like a prophet,/ drunken speech praised with a clap on the back." That is such an interesting comparison (I wonder what made you think to put those two things together).

Overall, this is an interesting poem. The ending really put this all together; closes all of your thoughts. I love it. Legacy.




User avatar
1080 Reviews


Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Donate
Sun May 28, 2017 2:31 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review--you know the opening already. I need no introduction anymore, so let's jump right in.

You say in your description that you don't enjoy this poem very much, and I'm going to have to side with you on that one. I see that you take the idea of Aladdin both supposedly from the Disney movie and from the Middle Eastern folk tale and turn it into your own idea, and I found it to be an interesting subject matter that you don't do very much justice to. There's a lack of research outside of the surface details that can be appreciated by those who have actually read or studied the source material. There's not a whole lot going for the aesthetic of the poem or the look, I have to say.

We see that the poem is written in the perspective of what seems to be one of the characters, which is something that I found to be different. What I would have liked is expansion on your knowledge of Aladdin and different references to the actual source material that you're dealing with. There's a whole story that you could be pointing to and using to your advantage, even if you don't happen to read all of it. It's okay if you haven't gone through all of the original content, though I would like to see some dedication or effort put into your research.

At the same time, I'm unsure of what makes this unique or different from other adaptations of the story. I'm unsure of what makes it better than the other depictions of Aladdin and his story. What does it have to offer that's refreshing or different? What makes it your own poem? I believe the last line would be more effective if you said 'it's sure as an enjoyable one' since I think that's what you originally meant or intended to say. I want to know what makes this different. I want to know what aspects of this poem are new and not just pulled from the original material.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.

Image




Aleta says...


well it isn't about aladdin or anything
i just used the reference because of when someone's feeling high i'd assume they'd feel like they'd be flying up high on something magical or unnatural. thanks :)



Kaylaa says...


Ah okay. Would have liked more clarity on that part because it did seem as if you were trying to depict that. Thanks for the clarification though.



Aleta says...


yeah I changed the title so that nobody else would get confused
yep :)




A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
— Oscar Wilde