I held on as you dangled over the verge,
and when your fingers slipped from mine
I did not realize you wanted to fall.
And so you let me go.
And like Narcissus, I stared into the crimson pools
of what was once a living and breathing you.
And then I, too, fell with you; then right into you.
Note: short on purpose.
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139,877 Literary Works • 672,783 Reviews
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I noticed is that a place or two is missing commas. Those lines would be "and when your fingers slipped from mine" and "I did not realize you wanted to fall.". The poem flowed well and I think my favorite line would have to be "And like Narcissus, I stared into the crimson pools". It adds a sense of....urgency, mystery to the whole poem. I like it!
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that you knew some one who had succumb to the monster. Depression, anxiety or things alike, no? But then, when you were trying to help them, you fell too. Right into what they were suffering. You feel like you can't get out, no matter how much you try and try you can't escape.
Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
Hello Aleta,
Here to review your piece entitled 'Bloody Hug' for review day!
I want to start off my saying that the title really stood out to me and is quite compelling that goes well with the negative style of the poem. The whole poem feels like a sad experience with realisation. It was short and effective - with no grammatical mistakes either so it's what I like to see
PenmanshipPriority
This is ZeldaIsShiek ready to review another amazing poem for Review Day! I hope you like all of the constructive criticism, and do try to learn from it. By that I mean try to realize how great you write, and that all that's holding you back is nothing! This poem is amazing, and I feel that it truly captures art in its finest, most refined form; poetry!
This poem stuck out to me in the poetry section not because it was short, but because of its name. The bloody hug mentioned in the title seemed to be a reference to the end of the poem, at which point the protagonist "falls into" the target, supposedly falling into an embrace...
The part I liked was the fact that this does not have to represent suicide, but a way out of loss and longing for the return of something long gone that should have been rightfully yours. The reference to historical literature and figures was also a strong glue-bond that held the story together like barnacles on a ship. The whole poem feels like a sad story in which a couple realizes that one of them is falling, and the protagonist wants to save their partner (or friend, not specified). However, when they realize they think they have to do this, instead of stopping them, they embrace it and join them.
Great poem, and keep writing! I love to see amazing poets like you writing incredible stories every day and inspiring people. Happy Review Day!
-ZeldaIsShiek