one day in her shoes

If you could imagine
One day in her shoes,
Then would you treat her the same?
If you could walk
One day in her shoes,
Could you take the abuse? - Ooh, Suspenseful.
If you could understand,
What I’m really trying to tell you
Would you believe me?
Take a day,
Take a night
Take whichever you like, - I've fallen in love with those past 3 lines...
And walk in her shoes.
Live the lies,
And the drugs.
Live the fights
And the loss,
Of someone close to you.
Say goodbye
To the one you love,
Say hello,
To someone sent from above. - That line sort of throws off the rhythm... shorten it a bit?
If you could spend
One day in her shoes,
Would you make it?

Wow. So.. .wow. That was a very nice poem! The great thing about it is the message is sent across very clearly to the reader, so it's not confusing in the slightest. From the details you give it's easy to infer what a day in this girls shoes is like. Sad... Have I mentioned the structure of this is awesome? Love it, love it, love it!

thanks guys...hey try looking up at the stars while your thinking of a poem...it REALLY helps. i was just gazing at eh stars one night when BAM it suddenly hit me...i mean you gotta think, look at teh kids in poverty, try living in their world. it really sent a message to alot of people.

This was actually a very good poem!

I was a bit iffy about the structure of it at first, but it does work so you may as well just ignore that. I've read another of your poems and it has the same structure, and I was wondering if all your other poems are the same. If so, why not try to experiment with some other structures, although you may have already done this and I just haven't read your other poems, so just ignore me if this is the case.

All I can really comment about is line twenty two. This seemed a little off with the rest of the flow as you seemed to have added an extra syllable to it. Other than that, it was pretty much spot on!

Well done.
Ginge

:]

Absoluteley well said.

I'd say wow, but everybody else seems to have that covered:) This was really sad, really powerful, really good. I was going to say maybe a bit more imagery and metaphors and stuff... but no, this is really good. I don't think you need to change anything. It's really sad.


*adna*

Wow! I absolutely loved this! This has such power that it really got the point across to me.
And this poem really stood out for me because I have had a hard life, and this poem was pretty much my life story!!!
I absolutely loved this, keep up the good work!

Wow. I really really liked this. "Try walking in her shoes for a day" is one of my favorite phrases and this is what that phrase really means! It's wonderful! I want to tell so many people about this!

Hey

Wow i loved it. You really got the message to me, it is indeed a powerful peice of writing. To me it explains how people think they knoe someone but they nevar really do until they're faced with the same problems as them, and spent a day in thier world.
So ya i really like you poem, keep up the good work

Love from
T

Love this one, it really hit an emotion. This is really good work, amazing. I could relate to this and understand a message behind this 1.

Great ideas you have.

Well done, keep it up.

Dofs...

Wow, both of the poems you wrote were extremely good. You'll be a novelist before long.

Wow, I loved this. It just flowed like a song. I was thinking it to music when I read it, it just sounded so right. It's a great love poem about loss, but not filled to the brim with cliches. It just asks a simple question, instead of your 'country song moaning and drinking 'cause my man don't love me' type regret poem.

Loved it. Absolutely loved it. Welcome to YWS. You came in with a bang.

~GryphonFledgling

Wow. Quite powerful. I loved it! The way your words flowed help the reader get the idea and your last line wrapped it up nicely. There are a lot of teens out there who go through what you're talking about, and other people don't make things better by some of the awful things they do. But, if they walked in that person's shoes, they would change that.

So, great job with this. And, again, I will repeat that I'm in love with your last line/question. lol ^_^ Nice work!

~*Sydney*~