Young Writers Society

Hey there singerofthenight!

I really did enjoy reading your poem! You used description very well, and I loved your use of effective imaginary. It was really original and unique.

The other reviewers, especially Suzanne, have said pretty much everything that I would say. In that case, there's no real need for me to repeat what they've already said!

One thing I have to say though is that I think you need to be a bit more descriptive. By descriptive, I mean explain the emotions more. Why is the speaker crying? Why are they angry? What has caused the speaker to feel like this? You've done a very good job when it comes to being descriptive about emotions, you just need to explain the cause of the emotions!

All pain evaporates.

Hey, singerofthenight,

I liked this! Love the imagery. Loved how you portrayed the violence of the storm,
which symbolized the pain,with words.

My favourite part--

"Gray clouds as far
As the eye can
See, the wind
Screaming in rage.
The clouds are crying
Black tears."

Great poem. Keep it up.
Keep writing.

Hi there!

I really like that you use the idea of a tornado to represent your speakers emotions. It's real unique, and angry, and a great visual cue for the reader.

There are still a few things that could be improved in this poem. My first thought goes to the emotions of the speaker. She's angry and crying, but as a reader I have no idea why. Since I don't know why, I can't care about it or relate. You've shown a lot of the emotions, told a lot of the emotions, but I still can't feel them, and making me understand and feel the emotions is very important here. Why not include what has the speaker so angry? What is she attacking? How does this visual tornado represent her own life?

Another thing you could do to fix up this poem is remove the excess telling about emotions.

My mind, tormented,
Whirls in anger.