Hello Aleta, you got another review here coming in from the chick ( ;
I always use this excuse but I honestly NEVER review poetry, only when I'm rushed and trying to do something real quick. *grimaces* Sorry!
Okay, anyway, moving on...
The whole context of this poem is so... groovy! (I know I'm weird) But seriously, the whole mood and theme is just a huge throwback to the '70s or '80s or whatever you call it, for some reason. I love it! That first stanza, by the way, is complete brilliance, my friend.
But.
Your amount of stanza lines is inconsistent. I understand it in some sense: the first and last both have three lines, but there's an extra 4-line, and one random in the middle with five. Maybe its just me but I thought it lacked a normal... standard form. Did you make it up yourself???
Other than this, I see it as a huge description of something. You don't say what something is. A party, I'm assuming. You express the sounds, action, electricity of it all but there's no real...oh, what do you call it? Depth? I read it and went, "mmmh, good" because it was so satisfying but what's the real point here? I know nothing about the people yet we know they are talking: "Voices slip in like earworms, writhing, squirming,"
What are they saying? What are they doing? You gave us a setting but - that's it.
Yet, that's probably how you intended it to be.
Anyway, I'll leave you at that. Great work Aleta, I hope all your future works are a huge success and keep up the good work! ( :
Adieu,
-TheKid
Points: 16802
Reviews: 276
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