Bus Catching

I feel in love with this poem right away. Not only is the rhyming perfect, I can actually feel the beat and flow along with the poem. In all honesty, I thought this could be the chorus of an upcoming song because I started singing as I was reading it. Ignore that, that’s just me being a dreamer of the arts. Anyway, you did a very good job with it, and I don’t think I have anything to say that has to do with how to fix it or change it. Keep writing because I want to read more of your work.

This... is really well done. The rhymes make me think of a nursery rhyme, while the rhythm of the poem is so light and bouncy. It is a short poem, but that makes it more interesting in my opinion.

I'm not sure why, but this makes me think of a child and their imaginary friend, maybe not a child, but someone slightly older. The child goes on little "adventures" with their friend, like riding a bus. Maybe the child is sad, so instead of constantly thinking of the problem, they get out of the "rain" and go on a train. Maybe they left, and went far away even. Perhaps, the child starts to care for that imaginary friend more and more, but that causes people to think the child may have "issues". The child overhears, and is now back to standing in the rain.

I am curious though. What were you thinking of when you wrote this? It is truly beautiful, and I hope you keep writing for us.

I have now reached what is, quite possibly, one of your most popular works of recent memory. This poem is a fitting metaphor for insanity, which is essentially doing the same thing over and over again and excepting different results. Either that, or expecting opposites from things; in short, this poem deals with a paradox of antithesis.

Let's pretend to catch a bus.

It'll arrive in the rhythm of us.

Let's pretend to catch a train.

Instead of waiting in the rain.

Let's get on without hesitation.

No knowledge of the final destination.

Let's pretend we know each other.

Insist that we are really lovers.

Let's pretend we're not insane.

But we're still stood waiting in the rain.

Alright so poems about love are cliche. In order to talk about love, death, or any of these overused topics in poetry, one must add a new dimension, a new twist, a new idea to it, which you managed to do here. So Bus Catching... Let me see...
So from your first word, we are already getting information about the persons in the poem. There is someone who is talking to someone else, who is close to them in some way - yeah so an "us" is established from early. I really love the second line - it is easily my favorite in the poem. Now the next two lines are just repeating the first two, well except that the alternative to the pretense of travel is stated, "waiting in the rain".
To add my own interpretation of this now, the speaker here is saying, 'hey, let us at least pretend to be in love. Let's fake something - it beats just standing here waiting for something real to happen'. And this is not very uncommon. This premise might just be the foundation of a lot of young love out there.
So the next two lines are just showing how giddy the speaker is. He/she knows that the destination is unknown and accepts that, and wants to go anyway. So the last line I suppose is saying that the speaker didn't get that big 'yes!' they were looking for. They're still just waiting in the rain. Nice poem you have here. Interesting concept and metaphor.

I like this poem much more than the last one. Great job!

Hi, +1 is here to review. This is kind of awkward because I am one of your students in Creative Writing. However, I will review this as I would any other piece of work on this site.
"A great teacher is someone who can learn from his students, who can learn with them, and learns for them."- Robert John Meehan
So yeah, just keep that quote in mind while I do a quick review on your lovely poem here .
Stuff I really liked: The rhythm/flow. It had a good flow. The rhyming was also consistent, if not a little iffy on hesitation/destination, but that was a hard one and you made it work pretty well. The poem was also interesting. It had a seemingly simple concept, but you portrayed it really well.
Suggested revisions: I'm going to go in chronological order for this.
1) Let's pretend we know each other.

Insist that we are really lovers.

The second line is a bit of a mouthful/breaks the flow/makes you actually have to pause, process, think about it, and then continue. I hope that makes sense.
I would suggest changing it to this, or something that makes a little more sense with what little backround information we have on your characters.
Insist that we are true lovers. <<that line sort of breaks the flow as well, so this is a hard one; I suggest revising the line. Really lovers doesn't make much sense.

2) The last line. It just didn't do anything for me. To me, it didn't make much sense, was a bit of a mouthful, and didn't much relate to what you had previously talked about in the poem.
But we're still stood waiting in the rain.
First off, it's not a typical arrangement of words you would see, and it makes it hard to understand. Second off, it completely threw off where my train of thought was going. I don't know if that's just me, but I'm going to comment on it anyway. I thought it was going in the direction of them catching a bus, or getting to know each other better, or SOMETHING other than what you wrote. The last line of a poem is often the hardest, so take your time on this one. If I'm badly misinterpreting this poem/line, please explain .
Sorry if I came off a bit harsh. I can be rather blunt sometimes.
I actually thought this was a really great poem. You took a simple concept and made it rather beautiful.
Overall rating: 7.5/10
+1

Hi, EmeraldEyes. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my pink glasses*

I like this poem. It is very good and lovely to read for me. The flow is prefect and smooth including the rhymes in this poem. The imagery and wording is very good as I see the image in my head. This is a great masterpiece to just read and relax. I enjoyed this poem very much, good sir. You just grand yourself a 'like' on this poem. You are really a great poet to me. I don't know how to write poem and it is very sucks, and you...are better than me which it is good thing. Anyway, this is an enjoyable poem. I like to read more from you. Write more poems for me, okay? Have a nice day!

Awesome Job and Keep on writing!

Cheers

Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13

Hello, rhia here to review!

This was nice and short, and easy to read, so I liked that. I usually don't care for rhyming poems because they often feel so forced. With this one, the rhyme felt deliberate and it was noticable, but it all made sense. I didn't feel like any of them were made to fit the rhyme, it was all nice and smooth. I hate when poems feel convoluted or nonsensical just so the writer can fit the rhyme scheme in, so I'm glad this wasn't like that.

I do have two suggestions, however. I think, appearance wise, this would be nice in couplets. I know that the formatting here is sort of wonky, so in case you don't know this, if you hit shift+enter when switching lines, the spacing goes away. Then, if you need the space between, say, couplets, you just use the regular old enter key.

Also, something about the wording of the last line is off to me. I see the repetition of "waiting in the rain", but I don't really think it's helpful to the poem. I would try to word it differently, and maybe more concisely, because it's kind of a mouthful of syllables compared to the rest. It throws the pattern.