Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Drinking by the bike sheds, smoking by the bins,
Think we look so hard 'cause we say we're not virgins.
Skiving all our lessons and going for a stroll;
better watch out 'cause we're the twat patrol.
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Our intelligence is fuck all, and we haven't got a clue,
we walk around in packs like animals in a zoo,
soon as we leave our school then we're going on the dole;
better watch out 'cause we're the twat patrol.
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We binge drink every evening and we party every night,
you agree with us or you're gonna get a fight,
alcohol and smoking will mean we won't get old;
better watch out 'cause we're the twat patrol.
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Hello, Retro here for a review as requested.
First, i'll do nitpicks then i'll talk about what I liked, okay?
My literal only nit pick is that I think it needs to be 'you'll agree with us' in the final stanza. I'm sorry but this review won't be much help at all. It is a short funny piece which makes excellent points at youth culture, and due to the idioms used i'm going to assume british youth culture.
I don't think this needs reviews, I think it is great!
Sorry I can't be more help but have a like!
~Retro
Hey, here to review.
I really enjoyed this poem. It has great repetition, and the rhyming was also very good. The one thing I loved the most would definitely the humour, it's hilarious!! The way you spaced it out and used different concepts. This poem has a great thing going with everything!!!
Keep up the awesome work!
~ Pinkdinosaurs xx
Hello, Fiend!
I like the idea of this poem. And I like this poem. But I think it could be better. Right now it's just, this is how it is and that's all. It's amusing and true, but it lacks depth. Depth is what turns a good poem like this one into a great poem. It needs some poetic devices. Throw in some metaphors and allusions to spice it up a bit. Sometimes a lack of poetic devices can make a poem seem like prose only more spaced out, and while that's not true in this case, it can happen very easily if you're not paying attention. So, just a future warning, I guess. Poetry generally tends to be more emotion than narration or exposition, and it's not always easy to write a good, non-emotion based poem, but you've done a pretty good job with that. So well done.
Sorry if that didn't make any sense, I'm really tired right now.
Keep it up,
~Queenie
I was borderline calling it lyrics, but I can't think of a tune for it so... Anyways I tend not to do complicated metaphory stuff with this sort of lyrical poetry and try to stick to stuff which doesn't need any thinking about like alliteration.
Anyways I get what ya saying, and I tend to do that with freeform poetry mainly.