Okay, you can do this.
It should be easy,
no pressure.
Just type out the message,
then all you have to do
is hit enter.
Message typed.
There, it's sent.
Nothing left to do but wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Oh,
it tells me
that he's seen it.
Guess he's a little busy.
...Now he's gone.
Okay.....
Guess he'll come back later.
I wait three days,
and there is still no reply.
and I am left,
wondering if,
I should send the message again.
Or not.
Awkward.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Cool. I wonder what she wrote to him. I have been in these types of situations before when I was young. Indeed, awkward.
I actually though the "Oh awkward" or whatever you had there worked well. It's just something I'd mutter to myself. I liked it there.... but do what you want. ^-^
Lovely humorous, understandable story.
Grammar and structure was flawless. I really have nothing to write here except praise.
Oh, and just remember that you should put capital 'A' when you're writing this part:
"I wait three days,
and there is still no reply.
and I am left,"
but I'm pretty sure that was just a little typing mistake
Overall, gorgeous writing. Please give me more!!!!
Nope, no typing mistake. That was intentional.
Thanks!
Hahahahaha! Omg thank you so much for writing this. Sadly, I know this feel very, very well. You could say we're old acquaintances. XD. I just had to read this cause I literally have posted so many statuses beginning with "That awkward moment." There's just so many of them these days. I'm crying I laughed so hard. Wooh. I needed this one. Thank, you Sempai. XD
I TOTALLY READ THIS IN MY OWN VOICE AND IT WAS SO PERFECT
Okay, calm. RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
This is a really adorable poem, and I think just about /everyone/ can relate to it, because, let's face it, we've all been in this situation.
I like that you never explicitly said what the message said, but I still know because of the way the narrator reacts to having to send it, to watching him read it, to realizing he won't answer, to wondering if she should send it again. It was just really well-done.
I like that you kept the punctuation constant throughout the whole poem, because I fall into the enjambment category of poetry a lot, and I just really respect people who can keep up with all the commas and periods and semicolons and GAH!
I think there were a few choppy parts, like the repetition of the "wait," and the last stanza. I think you could make it a little smoother by combining, say, half of a sentence, rather than cutting it up into fourths and tossing it to the world. Does that make sense? Sometimes I don't make sense.
I really liked this, so I'm going to give you a like and 9 stars of 10. Really fantastic job!
I kept it that way because I kind of wanted the poem to feel as awkward as I was feeling, if that makes any sense.
Thanks!
Hey KT!
Okay, so I found this to be a bit satire, more humorous than serious. (and if you have a crush, yo better tell me about him!)
Moving on, there weren't any grammar errors, so yay! Now I can focus on the poem's style. I honestly did not like the repetition of "and wait" because it seemed bland to be. Maybe you could spice it up?
I do think that this would read a lot smoother if you combined some lines, because there are a few that are weak by themselves, and I think that they would flow better if added to another line.
But besides the nitpicks: the message behind this was cute! I can just imagine a teenage girl at her computer, face smashed (not literally) against the screen, waiting... and he sees the message and gets offline. UGH MEN. I feel ya girl. I feel ya.
Overall, this was cute! The message was simple and easy to understand, the stanzas were well written, and I just overall liked it. Sorry if I can't give better criticism but I can't find much to critique in this. It's so good that I will now proceed to give it a like. :O yes I will! <3 beautiful poem, boo.
Less me having a crush, more me asking a friend I haven't talked to in while a serious question.
But I left it wide open for people to interpret it by themselves.
hey, thehotinpsychotic here to review!
As far as grammar and structure goes, this poem was impeccable. And for content, I found that enjoyable as well. Maybe it's just me, but I always associate the word 'awkward' to be an immature word. I would take it out at the end, because I feel like it was really good but then that ending kind of spoiled it for me.
But that's just me; if you think it fits, keep it in there.