Bluejay padded up to Stormcloud in a worried manner. "Stormcloud, you do remember what happened last night, don't you?" Bluejay meowed, worriedly.
"How could I forget? Don't you worry. I WILL be alerting everycat."
"You sure you'll remember? You haven't even done it yet." Bluejay was practically pacing back and forth in the alley, his fur tensed with worry.
"Gosh, Bluejay! You're acting as if the kittens all escaped!" The dark gray she-stray laughed. "Trust me. It's only been one night. I'll tell everyone else when the time is right. Now stop being so worried and FOCUS. We're supposed to be finding our meal for everycat!"
"Yes, I know. I just... I... Ugh. I just.... I'm nervous about what they'll say! Will they even believe us? Will they do what we need them to? Will they-"
"Bluejay, hush! You're going to scare that raccoon. It's got some meat from the trash can of the butcher shop. It's our move," the she-stray, Stormcloud, whispered.
Instantly, Bluejay shut his mouth and used his eyes instead. He saw the raccoon in the corner of the alley, dropping his prize. Seeing Stormcloud's tail flick, he was motioned to grab the meat as the bigger, stronger, and older cat distracted the raccoon.
Bluejay hid behind a human's trash can. Stormcloud chose a quick move just before the raccoon spoiled the meal and took a bite. A hiss rang out in the alley from the brave gray cat, stopping the raccoon in its tracks. The raccoon, slightly bigger than Stormcloud, locked eyes with the cat. It instinctively stepped in front of it's butcher meat, but that was no problem. Stormcloud was experienced.
The cat took a step closer, which signaled a major threat in any predator-to-predator battle. The raccoon, being taken into her trap, took several steps forward to threaten her more than her own attempt. Bluejay understood instantly what his hunting companion was planning.
After Stormcloud took 5 more steps forward, she was about one foot away from the raccoon. Being fooled, the raccoon made itself stand about 4 inches from Stormcloud. Bluejay saw his chance now. Stormcloud had easily lured the raccoon away from the meat. Bluejay, a bluish-gray tom stray, headed silently towards the meat, hiding behind things on the way so his presence would not be sensed by the raccoon, only Stormcloud.
By the time he reached the meat, the raccoon had growled, Stormcloud had hissed, and both had begun a fight. But Bluejay wasn't worried about his hunting partner, for he knew she was strong and capable and experienced enough to finish off, or at least drive off, the raccoon. He took the meat in his jaws and was about to dash off to successful ending to the strategy when he stumbled and everything went black.
Chapter One Coming Soon
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hi! Cricket here for a review!
Saw your latest chapter and decided that I should try and start reviewing from the beginning. And so... here I am! Seeing as this is a prologue and a fairly short one, this might be pretty short. But we'll see what I can do. Yeah, and a slight warning before I start with this. I dislike cats. Heheh, I've never liked them, but that isn't stopping me from reviewing this, so hope you don't mind.
Firstly, I'd have to say I love your descriptions. They were pretty imaginative and painted a good picture. I especially liked the part with the raccoon. I live in an area where raccoon's are pretty common, so I would generally know how they act and the like. This raccoon was acting pretty darn realistic in my opinion, but still, I would research how raccoon's act when their food is in danger. Just in case there is something off. Animal behavior is something super cool, but it's also super easy to mess up on. But a little research wouldn't hurt.
Two problems here that aren't really that big of a problem. I noticed that throughout this prologue you put in caps a lot of words that you want to bring out or emphasize. Instead of doing that all the time, go for italics as they are less noticeable and they also look more professional. Goes for a smoother read as well. And then the next one is just a typo; you need to separate everycat into two words. I think you know how to do that.
Right. This has waaay too many ellipsis here. I don't mind the usual one or two that always seem to pop up in writing, but three in this small of an area is going a bit far. I'd suggest getting rid of a few and possibly replacing a couple with n-dashes and what have you.
There's a nasty little thing called show and don't tell. Here you're telling and not showing as much. Try to show how he had lured the raccoon away, rather than just telling us. Goes for a stronger image, and we have an easier time at it too.
Whoaaah, lot of conjunctions there. Try to remove a couple when you re-write this.
Um, why? They hit their head or something? Try to be more specific.
Okay, well that's it for now! I haven't read this warrior series that everyone seems to be talking about, but I will be reading the rest of these. To the best of my ability that is. Hopefully I'll be able to review the next chapters this week and next week. I'll see how life decides to treat me.
Sorry, this shorter than usual, but you have some awesome reviews already and this is pretty short besides. Which is fine for a prologue. xD
Keep writing!
~Cricket
It's awesome!
I'm definitely going to read more!
Thanks! And thanks for the follow!
Hello!!!
I love it!!! 
I couldn't find anything to correct in this! Great job! Now, onto chapter one!! 
WARRIORS WARRIORS WARRIORS.
~Snazzy
Thanks!!!
Do you happen to be a fan of Warriors???? I'm on Omen of the Stars, though I haven't started it yet. The names and the way the cats talked reminded me of the Warriors series. This is awesome!!!! I'm gonna go read Chapter One! How far are you in the Warriors series if you to read those books?????? P.S. Firepaw/Fireheart/(Can't tell you if you aren't on The Darkest Hour Yet) ROCKS!!!!!
ERIN HUNTER IS THE LORD OF ALL BOOKS!!! (In my opinion) Sadly, I cannot read them in order, since I have none of the books myself and the library I live near never has the first book. Yet I know information that I haven't read yet, so basically I have read the series fully. And guess who my favorite cat is: FIRESTARRRRRRRR!!!!!!
I personally love Yellowfang the best. i cried so much when she died!!!!! :'(
I know! Yellowfang D':
*sniff* It totally sucked that her two other kits died and that sucker idiot mouse-brain Brokenstar lived. WHY, CRUEL WORLD???
IKR! I read and reread Forest of Secrets. SO AMAZING! Have you read that one yet?
I've read them all in order, and I am currently on Omen of the Stars, even though I haven't read any of those ones yet, so yes, I have read the Forest of Secrets. TIGERCLAW IS A BIG JERK!!!!!!!!!!
YES, YES HE IS! TRAAITOR!! And how dare he say "As for you... Keep your eyes open, Fireheart. Keep your ears pricked. Keep looking behind you. Because one day I'll find you, and then you'll be crowfood." TO FIREHEART?!?!
It totally sucks that he stays in Dark Forest instead of just GOING AND ACTUALLY DYING!!!!! I wish Dark Forest didn't exist.... Oh, wait....it doesn't! In the Clan worlds, then!
There are countless things wrong with the Dark Forest. They even managed to TRICK Crookedstar into thinking they were StarClan. Sure, Crookedstar never ASKED if it was StarClan, but seriously, they should have at least told him. God, why is the Dark Forest so INTRIGUING though?!?!?!?! Gah.
Hi, Em101cats. This is pinkie for a review. I like to be your reviewer if you don't mind.
I agreed with everyone in this room who reviewed this. This is very good prologue that you have there. You lured me into this story and made me felt excited to review this. This story is very creative! I love how you give the image into my head while I read the story. This is an amazing masterpiece that you have here.
Also, I didn't see any grammar errors on here. That didn't stop me from reading this or trying to get the sentence right. (Well, I am not good at writing anyway so...don't judge me.) This is very well-written that all readers wanted to read. Good writing, good grammar. And you did this thing very good.
I love this prologue. This made want to read more from you works. You did a great masterpiece . I love to read more from you. Have a nice day and keep on smiling because you are talented writer.
Cheers
Your review, Pinkiegirl13
P.S: I am not really a cat person, but I like the story.
Thanks! I kind of have an obsession with cats but I don't mind dog people or whatever other animal person you are
Ok, Thanks
No prob
When my neighbor came over I read it to her!
Thank you! Please feel free to let anyone know about my stories, YWS player or not! Thank you for branching out my writing, it really helps!
No problem. I was showing her around and I wanted to show her your work!
That's so nice! Thanks!
I will read every chapter! I love it!
Hello!
So I've never actually bothered to read the Warrior series, but since I love cats, I probably should, eh?
Moving on, I am not well acquainted with this fanfiction series, so sorry if I say anything wrong xD
What I liked most about this was the imagery! You used some nice descriptive details to describe the cats and their actions, especially with the raccoon. I liked how simple this chapter was, and how it didn't have a majorly drastic purpose other than to show the cats and how they act. I do think it was rather mean of them to steal the meat from the poor raccoon, those bullies! But hey, eat or be eaten, no?
Overall, I thought this was a nice start, and a good prologue. The insight on how cats think and act was nice to see, and that makes me want to read the books and try to understand my cat better xD But really, this was nicely written and I'd say you did really good with this. If the author writes as well as you do, then I think I'll have something to do with my life from now on. Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed reading this.
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this! After starting this series, I've began to look closer at my two cats... ;D I hope you enjoy reading the other chapters, if you want to. Chapter six is here if I can remember... Wow, the author doesn't remember the chapters. Oh well! XD
So—here I am, WillowPaw! And I've only read the first book of the warrior series.
This is really good! I like your writing style, and you're able to lure the reader in. You don't make the starting boring, so the reader will just stop reading, but you make it interesting enough!
Your spelling/punctuation is pretty good! I didn't see many errors. I'm not good at grading grammar, so you'll have to look at someone else's review.
I noticed that you wrote a number out, like "one" but then in another sentence you just typed it, like "5". It's not big and I don't know if its like a writing rule, but you may want to stick to one.
You leave a good ending, enough to make the person reading want more!
This is a good prologue, good start!
Hope I helped!
~ WillowPaw1
Thanks so much for reviewing! I will take your advice and try to stick to writing out the numbers. I didn't actually realize I made this error, so thank you for pointing it out. Next time I will do that. Will you follow me please???
Sure, I'll follow you!
this is really good! and you already know this, but im no warrior cat fan :/
Haha yeah I know. And thanks! I loved your first chapter 'Life as a Criminal'!