Forbidden Shadows Chapter Nine

by Em101cats

Published April 30, 2014

E - Everyone

In Forbidden Shadows chapters

The scientist moved swiftly toward the cages containing the lifelong friends. What also moved swiftly into the mix was terror that clenched at the two strays' hearts.

Were they going to die today?

Was this their fate? Would the others give up, if they hadn't already, on finding the Forest of Forbidden Shadows?

That name. That forest. Somehow it seemed familiar to Stormcloud. She had not yet dared to let Bluejay know that she felt she knew this forest well. But if the scientist planned to end their lives right here and right now, Stormcloud would never get to tell him. This feeling nagged at her, so she felt she should let it out while they had at least a few seconds left.

"Bluejay, there is something I need to tell you about our journey."

"What is it, dear friend?"

Bluejay had tears in his eyes. What an emotional time it was. But him addressing Stormcloud as "dear friend" was too much for her right now. She tried to tell him, to let it out, but she knew that now she had no time. The scientist was now at the shelf of the cages. With her throat choked up and her heart feeling lost and pained, Stormcloud knew this was her end and that she could not tell him now.

But what neither of the cats thought would happen but both had hoped would happen did happen, after all. The scientist put the nozzle in a cage below them. Thud went the poor cat that had been in that cage.

Stormcloud's sad feelings instantly vanished like water under the desert sun. She forgot about Bluejay calling her "dear friend." She even forgot about telling Bluejay what she had planned to tell him. Her sadness was gone now, and she bounced about her cage with joy. "We're going to live! We're going to live! We're going to live!"

Bluejay, however, was skeptical before he rejoiced. He was only acting skeptical about the scientist, however. He was actually wondering about what Stormcloud was trying to tell him. Was it about their destination, the Forest of Forbidden Shadows? Or something else? Whatever it was, his first task that night would be asking her what her question was going to be.

Later that day, when the clock read 12:00, the scientist pulled out his lunch meal. Bluejay, being the only cat in the Corporation that studied the humans for fun and for knowledge, knew that around this time was the human lunch time. Based on that information, he was able to tell the hunters what time to find the most food back in the New York City alleys. They had had meal times after his studies on human food, but new food at any time was greatly appreciated.

Before the scientist's lunch break, nothing much had happened. The human only wrote in a notebook, glancing at the two cats from time to time.

~Later, that night, 11:45 PM~

Bluejay awoke to the sound of a door opening. The scientist awoke too, at the same moment as Stormcloud did. They looked to see who was there. It was one of the exterminators. In fact, Bluejay and Stormcloud recognized him instantly as the one Suneyes had scratched. He held a cage with a live cat inside it.

He was trapped just like them.

But when he looked around and spotted the two cats, they instantly knew each other.

Bluejay and stormcloud were looking directly at their old foe, Hawkscreech. And he looked at them with bloodthirsty eyes. War.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review Review · Dec 9, 2014

No time for hellos!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D HAWKSCREECH!!!!!!!! :) OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :) I was NOT expecting that!! :D I thought he was out of the picture till later in the book!! :) GREAT!! :) *takes deep breath* But, I must go onto corrections. :)

"Forbidden Shadows Chapter Nine"

The last chapter was also nine. I think this was a minor mistake, or, it is still the same chapter. If it is the same chapter, just add (part one) ((or something like that)) to the last Forbidden shadows, and then add (part two) to this one! :D Easily fixed.
Other than that, I couldn't find anything to correct! :) Looking over this, I see that you have been able to blow my mind. :) Well done. :D
~Snazzy :)

Thanks!!! I might be fixing that if I get the time. Then I may have to fix all the chapters though... So I may make it part two to make my life easier. ;) Lazy, I know. I do like my junk food and shortcuts. Hehe! :D :D

User avatar
Milanimo
Review
Milanimo wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

Hi!
This is a very interesting work and I'm so sorry it took so long to get a second review!

I like this work and the tension that's in it. I know for me personally it's very hard to put tension into whatever I'm writing. I commend you in that respect.

What I do feel a bit nitpicky about is the internal battle in the character's mind. I don't feel sa if I know the character well enough because it's like I'm looking from a distanced movie camera. When writing about a character from any point of view, the reader should be able to feel as if they are looking at the scene from the literal eyes of the character. I should see an internal struggle. Something a bit more in the character's head than just "so and so was scared". I just feel like theirs a link missing from the characters and the reader.

The description is nice though. I can see a clear picture in my head what is going on, and I don't feel confused.

I also feel like you need more (please don't kill me for the cliche) show don't tell. The character's are very simple in their actions. "So and so was overjoyed." There can be some variety in that by attempting to give the reader an idea of what the person was feeling by what they do. Remember, anything you say about the character alludes to who they are and how they feel.

Well, that's all I have for now. I really liked this piece, so don't think I tore it up because I hated it. It's very well done! I hope you're not upset by my criticism, as I don't want to sound mean at all!

Anyway, my insecurities aside, keep writing! Hope to see more from you in the future!

User avatar
Kelpies
Comment
Kelpies commented Comment · May 3, 2014

EPIC!

User avatar
ERZA
Review
ERZA wrote a review Review · May 3, 2014

Wow Kitty Action! Meoowwrr! :3
Nice story this one is! I didn't get some parts of it (cos this is where i have started to read this story- chapter 9 o.o) but I sure had an idea about what was going on ^^

Was this their fate? Would the others give up, if they hadn't already, on finding the Forest of Forbidden Shadows?

That name. That forest. Somehow it seemed familiar to Stormcloud. She had not yet dared to let Bluejay know that she felt she knew this forest well.


These two cats have got real funny names as though they were some superheroes (not that that I mind...) I am guessing their names were kept keeping in mind their personas yes? :-)

Overall, the story was great and very interesting too. But, it seemed like a chapter from a children's novel ( maybe this one is targeted towards pre teens..?) There were no errors and it looked to be well balanced ^^ I could read and understand it in a very short time but I am sure this one would be a bit confusing for some six-seven year old kid.
Keep writing!
ERZA~

Thanks! I love getting good reviews! :D I think the names are balanced more off of their colors, but some of them have names that match their personalities as well. :) Yes, the novel is actually based to pre-teens level (don't ask why. It might be because I'm not to the age level of cussing and severe descriptions of gore. :| ) Thanks for the kind review!!!! :D If you wish to continue reading, I would recommend you try to find either chapter one or the prologue. (Yes, that WOULD be a lot of reading, so if you don't want to do all that, keep in mind you don't have to. :) )



Some people file their [tax] returns inside of a dead fish.
— John Oliver