(The long awaited) Forbidden Shadows Chapter 15 Part 2!

by Em101cats

Published November 19, 2014

E - Everyone

In Forbidden Shadows chapters

There was a piercing agony in Stormcloud's head. She wanted to see who was murmuring above her in hushed and concerned voices; however, she didn't dare open her eyes for fear that the sudden bright light would pain her head more.

So she stayed still. This worried Bluejay to the brink of mental destruction.

He stared down at her with prying eyes that wanted desperately to see that she was okay. Suddenly his ears pricked. "Was I imagining her paw twitching?"

A cat - Bluejay couldn't tell who - answered, "I think I saw it too."

"Yeah, I saw it."

"My eyes don't lie."

The chorus of quiet voices soothed Bluejay because of the fact that they were all reassuring. His exhausted eyes finally rose to re-explore his surroundings. The shady sky's grey clouds had covered the meek sun. This resulted in the formerly golden stalks of wheat to seem a gray-yellow color. The trees on the very far side of the field were bare of leaves as autumn settled in to take over. Everything seemed bleak, cold and barren. Bluejay shivered.

When Stormcloud had tripped and landed in the heat of the battle, Bluejay had heard her terrified scream. It had made his heart shiver, and still did at the mere thought of it. After that paralyzing scream, the fighting cats had stopped their huge quarrel in surprise. Their leader was back! And they'd injured her blindly, not knowing she wasn't an enemy.

 Bluejay had taken advantage of the pause and rushed forward to reunite his travelers. They had explained they'd all had dreams that convinced them to crazily attempt to take over and lead in Bluejay and Stormcloud's absence. They were so convincing that every last one of them - even the kittens and their mothers - began an argument that became a full-blown war.

Then, Bluejay calmed them to peace and they forgot all about their strange power-seeking dreams. The lot of them were so concerned for Stormcloud that they gathered around her in order to wait to see if she'd wake from her unconsciousness.

It now seemed Stormcloud was doing so. Slowly, her eyes opened and saw all the happy faces around her. The herbs that had healed her during her unconsciousness made all pain she had (save for the headache) diminish. And finally, she was perfectly okay.

"Stormcloud! I'm so glad you're alive!" exclaimed Bluejay, purring uncontrollably.

Stormcloud stood to her feet, purring also, and accidentally touched noses with Bluejay. She jerked backwards awkwardly, blushing. He did the same, and neither of them spoke for a minute. But none of the other cats had really noticed.

~1 hour later~

Stormcloud kept stealing glances at Bluejay beside her as they continued traveling to the Forest of Forbidden Shadows. Bluejay stole glances at Stormcloud as well, and when their eyes met, they quickly averted their gazes back ahead of them again, embarrassed.

They had no idea who was behind them, but when they all sensed they were being followed, they turned and saw a blurry image of a cat on the horizon. They all sighed in relief when the cat moved closer. It didn't have the dark tawny striped pelt that Hawkscreech had. In fact, it was a silvery cat. Both the omen leaders recognized her instantly.

"What in the world is Moon doing here?" asked Bluejay. In reply, Stormcloud shrugged.

They waited patiently until Moon had fully made her way to the cats. Bluejay greeted her, "Hello, Moon. What brings you here?" But Moon gave no reply, just kept walking forward until she stood face to face with Stormcloud.

And then she leaped.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review Review · Dec 9, 2014

Hello! :)
GREAT JOB!!! :) I love this! :) I actually thought it WOULD be Hawkscreech. Thank goodness it wasn't. (I probably would've slapped him with my hand again.... :D ) I only have one little nitpick.

Before in an earlier chapter, I thought you said that Moon had black fur. Of course I could be wrong, (I don't have a very good memory... :) ) but if I'm not, it's very easily fixed. :D

Other than that, I couldn't find anything wrong with it! :D FANTASTIC job, and keep writing!! :)
~Snazzy :)
(there, I didn't use the word great, I said Fantastic. :D )

User avatar
Collideascope
Review
Collideascope wrote a review Review · Nov 25, 2014

Hey,

This is a really interesting story. First off why did you have to end it like that! It was perfect and amazing but I want morrreeeeee. If it isn't clear already I think this is an amazing story. It has a interesting and fluent plot which made the story even better. I could find no spelling errors as well. I think you took a lot of time with this story and it shows. The use of punctuation is amazing and your vocabulary was used well which also added to the epicness of this story. Admittedly I read this story all the way through several hundred times (I have no life, Okay?) and I loved it every time. I hope to read more of your work in the future.
Sincerely,
Collideascope

Thank you so much for the support! I wrote this with remains of writers block and it's really not my best, but you made me feel so much better about it :D Thanks :) I'm going to follow you, you sound like an amazing writer and a kind person! :D

Thanks :) you seem like a pretty great person too

Thanks. I try ;)

User avatar
CesareBorgia
Review
CesareBorgia wrote a review Review · Nov 20, 2014

Hello, CesareBorgia, here for a review,


I kind of liked this chapter, but at the same time I didn't. I didn't liked it mainly because I really do not understand wjat is going on at all. Maybe if I read the other chapters I would, but I don't.

There was a piercing agony in Stormcloud's head.


I would change this to;

A piercing agony groveled in Stormcloud's head.


As well as;

A cat - Bluejay couldn't tell who - answered, "I think I saw it too."


Could be changed to;

"I think I saw it too." Bluejay answered to the unfamiliar cat.



There are also other ones I wanted to change, but those were the ones that caught my attention.

Best of luck in writing,
CesareBorgia

Thanks for the review! :D
I think I may just use that first suggestion; it sounds better to my ears! :)
For the second one, it was an unfamiliar cat that answered to him; I may revise it a bit however.
Anyways, thanks! :D

User avatar
puppys3117
Comment
puppys3117 commented Comment · Nov 19, 2014

o3o That's my review, take it or leave it xD

XD
And I wanted badly to tell you that you were right to have suspicions of Moon when you said that in the chapter Moon was introduced. o3o



Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
— Sylvia Plath