Young Writers Society

HAHA! Nice poem! The first stanza had me grimacing, though. " made from old sows' ears and dead calves feet" REALLY? I wonder if they DO serve that...........ugh, anyway thank god my family doesn't ever go to Mcdonalds

There aren't much errors in this poem, except that maybe you should capitalise the first letter of each line, cos' it gives a better impresssion. :p


Anyhow, this was funny. Write more!

Mysticalxx

This deserves to be featured forever and ever.

Oh, I love this. I love every part of this. Every. Freaking. Part. I usually try to avoid using the word freaking in expressing myself because it's rather uneducated and tasteless, but BWAAAAAAAAAH!
I LOVE THIS.
I LOVE THIS.
BEST POEM EVER I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING.

I agree with Brittnaynicolewhen she says" This is interesting. Like, my family eats at MD's alot because its cheap, you know?
But it's obviously very unhealthy. I like how you pointed that out.
<> I like how you added details, and tools the scary truth. Lol.
Not many people would choose a poem about that. And the title
Captured me. So, good job! Keep writing!"
I enjoyed how it was fun to read and while my parents don't eat fast food i felt like iwas in MD right there well done

This is funny. One, because we just finished reading The Jungle in class and I've decided to become a vegetarian all within the last two weeks.this poem is very "Sinclair-esque" because it describes very vividly the horrors of the food from these restaurants. Whether true or not, I can't say, but I don't doubt the verity of these things. Nice poem.

This is such a great and creative idea! It is spelled McDonalds just to clear everything up for you. I hope you write more. Keep going!
~Maddie

This is a great poem and as the genre suggests, it really humored me. I commend you for the idea and wow, I see the massive emphasis on how unhealthy McDonald's is and hey, you're putting the right message out there.

I like the word choice you've used it really gets your point across.

Just change "MacDonald's" to "McDonald's".

Great~

Hey!

This is interesting. Like, my family eats at MD's alot because its cheap, you know?
But it's obviously very unhealthy. I like how you pointed that out.
<> I like how you added details, and tools the scary truth. Lol.
Not many people would choose a poem about that. And the title
Captured me. So, good job! Keep writing!

Britt

QuietQuilla desu!

Wow, I loved this. I work at fast food place as well and this is so true. Ha, I love reading things like this; real, funny, and it has life tips! In the end it was a really neat piece and sometimes rare.
Not everyone can write a good poem on fast food like this, at least, none that I have seen!
Keep it up!

Hey Retro here,

I don't have much in terms of a review but I love the sort of pushing social ideas and challenging the expected stand points sort of poems so I love this. I think you did a excellent job, you flow is sublime and it is just incredible. And even though it is classed as humour I think the realism behind it is what makes it absolutely superb.

Keep it up!

This is so fabulous! I love everything about it. So true.

This is a really good poem, it is great in both rhyming and rhythm. Great job.
Your description is also impressive, in just a few words you really capture details and make the reader feel repulsed by even the THOUGHT of looking at a McDonald's. Kudos.
Um there's only one things that I can think you could improve on, and I'm not even sure that it's right, but I'm pretty sure it's spelt "McDonalds".
But that's not a lot to worry about as you have a great poem here and I like how you narrate it too. There's is most certainly a story behind this...
Great job!
-CFG

Hello! NightWolf here to review.

Wow. Just wow. I was expecting a very light humorous poem. And here I am sitting in amazement at it's dark undertone. Not many people can pull that off.

Okay, so down to the review!

My first major nitpick is the fact there is no rhythm. This is my opinion, but I think that as you've set up a great rhyme scheme, there should be a set rhythm per stanza. You could follow the pattern of the first stanza and use it throughout. The fact that it's all different is a little jarring for me.

There are no punctuation errors or choices that jar the flow, so I'll leave that there.

The flow, while no rhythm, is great. I can read this aloud without tripping over any lines or stumbling when the poem doesn't fit together.

Your rhyme scheme isn't forced. I think here, using simplistic style rhymes works extremely well. It sounds cheery and light, masking that gritty undertone. It's used very cleverly here.

I have one other nitpick. In the second to last line, the use of brackets is very abrupt. The poem, in my opinion, would work just as well without them.

This is a great poem with a sarcastic and brilliant tone. I love it!

Thanks for requesting -
NightWolf

Hey

Yes, I would like an apple pie with that.

First off, this is a short work, so you've had to convey you're meaning quicker and you did.

With strong imagery in the first stanza:
'old sows' ears and dead calves feet,' heavil animal related to, I might add.

And good use of language in the second:
'julienned potatoes in a massive, oily vat;' you paint a wonderfully descriptive picture, so the reader can imagine just what you're saying.

'I hand out yet another "Kid's meal deal",' and it's not until this bit tha I understood what you were talking about it.
I take it you have something against McDonald's. I don't see why.


But none the less, this was well written and an original idea.

Kudos.

Hey, your poem is really funny and so clever. It has that kind of bitter sweet feel where I'm laughing but feeling uneasy about the underlying comment on the fast food industry. Seriously, amazing work. The would-be-cheerful rhyming and the sarcastic final line are just brilliant- please write more stuff in this style!

Hello! Oliverisorange here!
This poem was hilarious. It obviously had some dark and sarcastic undertones. It mocks the fast food industry, Jamie Oliver would approve!
It was clever and well formulated.
Looking at the poem as a whole, I enjoyed how the first two stanzas have bitter 3rd lines, and the last stanza is cheery and fake. This definitely makes me rethink my dining choices!
One question, did the speaker change scenes in the second stanza? And did they yet again go back to the original scene in the last one?
Great job!